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Guilt and Manipulation


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Guilt and Manipulation

A few days ago I read a post by Sharon. Reading it broke my heart for her. It is so obvious that she is feeling a great guilt. A guilt that does not belong to her. I have thought about answering her but put it off. I had to think about it because I knew that I could not just give her comfort. I would need to do that and much more.

First of all I want to say to Sharon or anyone else who is agonizing over the same question that YOU did NOT kill your loved one. You made a decision based on information that you were given. It took great courage for you to put your fears into words. It took even more to seek an answer. I'm sure that you were hoping that your fears and doubts would be laid to rest. Instead you were understandably shocked to have them confirmed instead.

Having said that I will tell anyone who does not want to explore this subject any further to please quit reading this now.

I truly believe that when bad things are happening and they are kept in the dark they will not only continue but grow into something far worse.

In a recent post Pamela said that it is not about making the decision to save a loved one from suffering, anyone would want to do that. This is about Informed Consent. Informed consent means knowing all of the facts and posibilities and making a decision based on those things. When you are not told everything or are not told the truth you are not making an informed decision. Even worse you are being manipulated to make a decision that someone else doesn't have the authority to make.

Johnny's son was manipulated that same way. Even worse it happened just a couple of hours after Johnny had told them exactly what he wanted. That was a decision that he made about his life and his body. It was his choice. He was also awake and alert at the time. They could have asked him but instead they went to his son behind our backs and got permission to give Johnny the morphine that took his life. When his son learned that they already knew Johnny's wishes he was very upset. He felt that he had been used to take his dad's life. Still he was so afraid to find out for sure, to see it in black and white that he would not help me get Johnny's medical records. Those records could have answered a lot of questions that haunt us all and the big question that we will have to live with for the rest of our lives. Why?

Oregon is the only state where assisted suicide is legal. Euthanasia is not legal in any state especially involuntary euthanasia. Yet it happens every day. In most cases family members are told half truths or in some cases they are lied to so they will be the ones responsible for making the decision. Those family members are caught at a time when they are most vulnerable. We all fear that someday one of our loved ones will suffer or die. When that truth becomes something that is no longer some abstact thought about the future but something that is a reality that we have to face now in real time it is very hard. You become very vulnerable because you want to do what is right. You want to spare your loved one. There is guilt but it does not belong to you!

If a person were actively dying and someone shot or stabbed them to death they would be charged with murder. If a family member tried to save someone suffering on their own they would be charged with murder. When those doctors lie or tell you have truths to take a step that ends someones life they are just as guilty, even more so because they are betraying the trust of those who trust their lives to them.

If you have an advaced directive be very spacific. Tell exactly what you want and under what circumstances. Chose a durable power of attorney. Make certain that you state that they are only to carry out YOUR wishes not their own. Have it witnessed and notorized.

This is about what is right and what is wrong. It is about judgements that a doctor does NOT have the right to make. God and God alone has the right to make the judgement of when and how someone will die. A person's quality of life is something that they and they alone can judge. A doctor sees them minutes a month. They do not know that person well enough to make that call.

God knows everything. I agree with that 100%. I also believe that He gave mankind free will. He does not kill. We can not ask him to share that blame :!: No one can tell me that God was in those planes the destroyed the World Trade Center. Human's kill NOT God.

I hope that I have not offened anyone. I don't want to cause anyone any more pain. God knows there is enough of that here already. I really believe strongly in these things. I also believe that the only way these things will ever change is when people start talking about them. When we are all aware. A cure for cancer especially lung cancer is something we all pray for but we can start here and now by making sure that each person is given the dignity and the right to make their own decisons about their death. Decisions that are based on the truth and all information that is available. Then trust in God to take us the rest of the way. Bless you all and thank those of you who have read this whole post. I know it is not easy to think about these things.

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I have taken a more whimpy way out, I have an Advanced Directive that names both my Husband and Mother, I know that these decisions can not be made by my husband alone, he couldn't do it.

The only instructions I left was that I didn't want to know it was coming and I didn't want to feel it. The rest is up to them, if they want to try a ventailor to see if there was improvement, I better be inconscience.

I feel sorry for them having to make those decisions. I did speak with my mom abou the earlier post from Sharon (my Mom has a medical background) and explain the whole morphine thing to me. Sharon did not kill he father.....LC did!

Life is hard and I am finding that your own death is just as difficult should you choose to get involved.

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You are very smart to have made an advanced directive. Many people don't think about it or decide to do it until they are in a situation and it is too late. That puts the family members in a place that is very hard for them.

About the morpine issue there is much to be discussed about that. Believe me I know the opinion of the medical profession. I have read everything I can find on morpine in the past two years. I know only too well about the rule of double effect. That is not really what I take issue with.

That rule states that a doctor can give a patient morphine or any drug if it is given with the right intention. If the intent is to ease a person's pain and NOT to kill it can be given even knowing that the possible side effect will be death. Unfortunately that leaves the door open to push it much further and it is being pushed every day. Believe me I know first hand.

I know that SHARON did NOT kill her dad nor have any of the others who have been put in the same position kill their loved one. There is a very thin line in some cases and more often than not that line is stepped over. The proof is the doctors response to Sharon's question. Most doctore won't admit that their intent was to end the life sooner.

Morphine can be a wonderful thing if given in the proper way and for the right reason. If a person is in pain the pain actually eats the bad side effects such as depressed breathing and unbalanced blood gases. IF the pain increases the morphine can be SLOWLY increased to match and control the pain.

On the other hand if morphine is given when there is NO PAIN IT CAN AND DOES KILL. When given in those circumstances it is NOT cancer or any other thing that is the actual cause of death. It is the MORPHINE.

If a person is actively dying morphine can ease them out of this life with less discomfort. I have no problem with that. Actively dying means that person is in the final process of dying within hours NOT within days or weeks :!:

When Morphine or any drug is given with the intent to end someones life earlier no matter what the excuse it is not disease that kills them and the responsibity lies with the ones who make that decision and I certainly do NOT mean the family member who is NOT given all of the imformation to make that decision. The responsibility belongs to the ones who know what they are doing. The sad thing is that if it were any other disease more questions would be asked when a death occurs so soon after being given morphine but when lung cancer is envolved any and everything is excused. That is the main issue of this discussion. NO ONE has the right to decide a person's quality of life except them. NO ONE has the right to play GOD. I agree that no one should have to suffer extreme pain or stuggle to breathe their last few breaths. Helping them in those conditions is the right thing to do. If we continue to allow a person's life to be cut short for any other reason we are opening a door that can lead to much more serious extremes.

As I said earlier. I don't want to offend or hurt anyone. God knows there is enough emotional pain here already. I just want the family members who are asked to make this most critical decison to have all of the information to make that decison. No one should ever be tormented like Sharon and so many others are. When they make that decison they should be told the exact truth.. As we can see that is NOT happening.

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