Remembering Dave Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 how do you balance the excruiating fear of losing your spouse at the ripe ole' age of 40, yet keeping a positive attitude and fighting? I talk to God several times a day, asking for a healing for Dave, but how do I completely keep my faith while facing the reality that I may lose him? I feel like if I even think about bracing myself for this, I'm being unfaithful to my faith, so to speak. is this a weird question or what? Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 That's not a wierd question at all. I wish I had an answer for you. You've been thru so much, it's incredible. No one should have to go thru all of this. Maybe all I can say is sometimes we don't understand God's plan, but he has one and we must go along. He will give you strength to do this, just ask. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. You have good medical backing and many, many people here for support. Praying for you. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbays Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 My heart is breaking for you. I can tell by your posts and your strength that you have a lot of faith. You will make it through this. God will help you through it. Just keep the faith, no matter how hard it is. I will be praying BIG prayers for both you and David. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Karen, I definitely understand where you are coming from, as my faith has been tested lately also. My counselor recommended that I ask my mom to make a scrapbook of herself bc she always says that she is afraid my boys will not remember her. I said, well then she will think I have given up!! The counselor said if something happens, you'll cherish the scrapbook, and if nothing does you still will. It is OK to be angry with God, but remeber that it is Satan who puts this damn disease on Earth. You have a right to be afraid and angry. I am hoping to strengthen my relationship with God and fight off Satan in the upcoming weeks. I know this will help me and my mom. earth is a temporary place and one of these days we will all reunite somewhere much better, that is His promise. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Oh Karen, my heart is breaking for you. Being a care giver that is always on our minds. It is so scary...and Dave is so sick that I know it is so hard for you to keep positive. But you must, and please believe that he can beat this most horrible thing. No matter how gloomy things may look right now. Just keep doing what you are doing around him. I wish I had a magic wand to wave over Dave. There are people from all over the world on this forum who are all praying for him. Please try and keep the faith. Karen, I am lost for words, but know that I think about you and Dave all the time. I wish I was there to give you a hug. Mediation prayers going out to Dave and strength for you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Karen, Hugs and prayers for you. Pray/hope for the best outcome, but know your faith will sustain you if that doesn't happen. For now, believe that Dave will get well in time. Take each day,one at a time, and leave tomorrow's worries for tomorrow. You have enough on your plate today. Leave your worries in God's lap at night and sleep well, you need it. God will be up all night anyway. Bottom line -- live for NOW, and don't worry about later. Got prayers coming for you all, and toes and nose crossed... XOXOXOXOX Prayers, always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Karen- I ask myself the same question, only about me not the spouse. I have been seeing a minister as well and we are trying to work through it together. I have no answers, only anger that this has been allowed to happen to me.....I'm not that bad a person to deserve this and don't believe that this is being done for some "greater" purpose. "only the good die young" my fat butt! "He/She had a greater purpose" my fat butt! Now that I have totally cheered you up and need to back to my recliner and chew on more steriods to make me nastier! I too am curious to see what everyone has to say. I need to take my own advise and cheer up and believe in tomorrow being a better day. I keep telling everyone to hang in there and then I fall apart at the drop of a hat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Karen, I don't think there is a balance. I think there is just this minute and you just sort of hope there is the next minute. When Earl really got sick, I tried as hard as I could to not think about what could happen but to just live in the right now. Karen, this is a bad time right now, but it is not doomsday. Dave is young, medical science changes daily, and miracles do happen. Life has not treated you well in the last months. Between Dave, your Mother, your long commute, selling your house, getting sick on vacation, your family has had more than their fair share of trouble. There are many, many people here that are praying for a turn around for you guys. Hold yourself tight and then hold your family tightly in your arms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Karen and Beth (Justakid), It isn't a "balance" as much as it is a dance. You have to plan for your family in the event that you do die, yet you have to live life to its very fullest. Get the will done, notarized and filed. Plan a funeral, if that is something you feel needs to be done, then put that all aside and live. Fight the fight, hit your knees, do everything that is in your power to live and decide how you want to live and when it's time to say "enough". Karen, there is a possibility you could lose David - but don't dwell on that right now. If that is "the plan", the time to grieve is AFTER the fact, not before it with all the what ifs. David is going to live to the best of his ability, to the very last ounce of his will power. Plan for that to be forever and keep hanging on. Tie a knot in the end of that rope and hang on. I hope you dance. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Karen, I don't have any answers for you, I'm sorry. What I do have is the same fear that you have and a confession...a really big confession. I say my prayers every day, and I remember all the people I have come to know and love on this board, some of them get special prayers when they need them. But I have never once prayed for my husband. Why you might ask? I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that if I pray and ask God to take care of my husband and in the end I lose him because God doesn't answer my prayers...then what do I have? Will I still have my faith? Will I still believe in God? I don't know, I only know that I am too afraid to ask for what I want the most. I guess I need that balance you are looking for also. When you get the answers, please share. Until then, I will be praying for you and for your family. Love to you, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Beth, I got a PM from a dear friend on this board who shared some ideas on faith with me. and here's the thing. Faith is blind. Faith is the knowledge that whatever happens, you must put your trust 100% in God and continue. Faith is hanging on and believing, no matter what. It's not always about getting what you want, because getting what you want may not be necessarily God's plan. And who above just said not to grieve now? Was that Becky? I think I am, and I have been, grieving since we found out about Dave's multiples mets a month or so ago. And I guess that is where the conflict comes in. I can't grieve and fight and I can't grieve and be faithful to God. So I'm just going to stop grieving I guess and save it for later, hoping I won't need it later. Thanks for your wise words, Ginny, wise because unfortunately you've been there, done that. The thing is, I feel a little cheated right now. I want everything to be about Dave and I. But I can't. I still have to go to work every day. I am away from him eleven hours a day. I hate that. I want more time with him NOW. Alone. Just him and me. He's suggested we take some weekends away every now and then, just the two of us, when he's able, and I know that will help. Well, speaking of work, guess I'd better start doing some. Keep the discussion going, I respect everyone's opinion and there's at least a piece of what everyone says that really does help. God Bless, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I agree with the alone time with Dave! Faith is still young enough, my kids get all bent outta shape when we want alone time but are starting to adjust to it. It's important to just be together! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Thank you Karen, and the others that took time to send me a private message with their thoughts and advice on my personal issues with finding a balance. I'm feeling much of what you feel Karen. I'm trying hard not to grieve, as I know there will be time for that if/when I need it, but I too feel cheated. Although, I cannot imagine that my husband and the others that have been actually diagnosed with cancer don't feel much more cheated than myself. So...self-pity? Yes, I guess that is it. Anger? You better believe it. I'm completely aware of all the things I have to be grateful for, and believe me, I am grateful for those things, but I, personally, am not able to wake up every morning with a Go, Fight, Win attitude. I want to, but every day, if only for a few brief moments, I am overwhelmed with the "What ifs" and it is a painful awakening. I read posts from Ginny and Curtis and Margaret and Paddy and so many others that have lost their spouses and I am in awe of their strength and I just don't know where they get that strength from, so I am left feeling weak and afraid that I will never have that strength. Faith...that may be where they draw it from, so perhaps this is my wake-up call to put all my faith in God and let it go where he wills it to go. Again, thank you to all who are helping me everyday to see and believe in miracles and the true beauty of compassion that is in so many posts. I didn't start this thread, but I'm very certain that it has helped me the most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rogfam Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I just wanted to say that my heart and prayers go out to each of you. God is good and soooo faithful. Karen, that's right, that is where peace/balance is, in pure trust in the Lord, no matter what the future holds, because He is holding on to you and Dave. What has helped me THE most is knowing that this life is just but a moment, and you'll get to spend eternity with Dave in the presence of the Most High God. I fully believe we'll know each other in heaven. I have a friend that has a beautiful story to tell about her time with a beautiful little girl,Meagan, that she became mommy too, for a time. Meagan had gotten HIV through birth, and her mom died soon after. Long story short, my friend asked her pastor one day, "how do I pray for her?" The pastor told her this: You continue to pray for her healing. Then God will either heal her instantly, or He'll heal her through doctors and medicine, or He'll heal her through the Ultimate Healing, and bring her Home. I just loved that so much. Ya know? A new body that never gets sick, never hurts, talk about the ULTIMATE healing... (her story is acually online, but I don't want to threadjack, so if anyone is interested, just let me know.) Praying for you and dave, and everyone else too! ((hugs)) Christy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annjael Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 (((((((Karen))))))) I have been where you are. I read something on this board about faith that really caught my eye. It went something like this "Faith is still believing, when you are out of reasons to believe" I think this is true. At the time my husband was ill, I had decided to go through conversion to Catholisism and baptism. I had to go to classes each week, and a weekend of discovery with the church. I had a similar dilemma, how do I believe all I am being taught, but yet see the love of my life so ill? On the day of my conversion ceremony I really didnt think my husband could come and sit through that 4 hr mass, as sick as he was at the time, and he would normally not set foot in any church. Somehow that man came there and sat through the whole thing,,,,,,for me. I think that was a true gift of love from him and God. I thank them both. Try to take each gift you have, and savor it. Seek the best treatment you can, and if you read my blurb at the bottom, if one doc quits, find another, and keep on fighting. I wish I had the knowledge of this board and this wonderful support, when Bill was sick, this site is a true gift! I hope I made some sense here in my longwinded, round about way. Peace to you, Dave and Faith Annjael Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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