Finding "Purpose"

[ErinC1973]

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this board and I'd like to share some of my ramblings/thoughts...no need to respond, I just had to get this down in print...

I have been reading "The Purpose Driven Life," after it sat collecting dust atop our bookcase for a year since my mother-in-law gave it to us. My husband said he picked it up one day and came to the conclusion after the first chapter that he was a "waste of space." I don't know why I have connected with this book; I'm only on Day 7, but a couple of things have really made sense for me lately, including the reason for suffering, which I have been struggling with for years, and it is also the reason why I renounced my religion at age 18, much to the disappointment and dismay of my grandfather, who is now deceased, but was a deeply religious person.

I am Catholic; the product of thirteen years of private schooling but I sincerely have never really understood my religion completely. I have always had a problem with Catholicism in general deeming itself as the "superior religion." When Pope John Paul II became seriously ill, I sat vigil by the television with tears streaming down my face, and more often, sobbing uncontrollably while my twins became more and more detached from me because they didn't know what was wrong.

I feel as though the timing of my picking up this book coincides with the death of the Pope for a reason. Since his death I have been reading more about the things he did in his life, and I watched intently as he taught me how to die. I have gone through depression over not participating more actively in my faith while he was alive, because now in his death, I am so proud to have had him as a leader. What has struck me the most is that he did not preach his religion as superior, and reached out to all faiths, and this is why he earned the respect he deserved.

I'm keeping a lot of what I'm discovering under wraps for now, because my family would probably go into shock if I vocalized my thoughts as of late. I lost my grandmother in 1995, and afterwards I spent seven months in a fog until I started therapy, and coincidentally, the prescribed drugs that would contribute to the erasure of my memory of two and a half years being medically controlled. When my stepdad died (see signature line) I started this downward spiral again. I am determined not to go through this again with my mom, although seeing her decline so rapidly makes my heart race and I start feeling like I'm suffocating all over again.

I'm asking for some prayers for my mom, who desperately needs them because she has never been a person who reaches out to others, and she is wrapping herself in a cocoon trying to block out everything but the television, which frustrates and scares me, but it is out of my control even though she lives with us and we are her caregivers. I am learning once again how to pray, and I will be sending up prayers for everyone on here, also. Knowing that we have come so far medically since my dad died is a comforting feeling, but as far as I'm concerned, it's not good enough.

Thanks for listening, everyone.

[daggiesmom]

I think many people at some time in their lives go thru an awakining in one way or another. Whether an event starts it, or a book, or movie, or just a conversation with someone else, something at sometime will make you start to think and reevaluate your life. That, I think, is a great thing. Keep reading and thinking and always keep in mind that God loves us all, no matter what.

Joanie

[Donna G]

It was this season ( Easter Season) that I came "back" to church and Mass. They sang this song and I really felt that He was speaking to me, from Hosea.

[“HOSEAâ€

[Don Wood]

Hi, Erin. Lucie and I went through "The Purpose Driven Life" together and it was very helpful to us in our struggle with this disease and with other life issues. It is good to see you rediscover your faith again -- glad that is happening for you. Don

[cathy]

Hi Erin,

Prayers for your mom right now..