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Reflections...


MelanieLR

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The following is a letter I wrote to my Husband. He asked me to share it with my family & with all of you here on this site. I had a hard time deciding where to post it & finally decided that this was where it belonged since it is more about my celebration of the beauty in life & where it leads you than anything else...

I'm not afraid of being dead.

I know the peace & beauty that awaits me.

I'm not thrilled with the process of dying.

Not just because of what I will be going through. I know what it will be doing to my husband. At least when I am gone, he can know I am at peace. While I am still here, he is going crazy every minute of every day. Wishing he could find a way to take away my pain. Wishing he could trade places with me. Being angry with God.

I wish I could find the words to let him know that I'm O.K. with this. Yes, I wish I'd had more time during my life on earth that was happy & peaceful as it is now. For some odd reason, I couldn't reach this point until I learned I was dying. I never allowed myself to just sit back, relax & pay attention to the beauty in life instead of dwelling on the trials.

Had I been able to choose my manner of death, I always said I would fall asleep one night & just not wake up. If that had happened, I would never have had this time to see how beautiful life could be if you just accept it.

If nothing else, I hope my husband can get that from this experience. I doubt it though. Death is an experience that is felt so differently by the person going through it as opposed to their loved ones.

The person who is dying finds peace. The loved ones find anything but peace.

Especially when the person dying is young.

I wish I could pass this peace out to all of my loved ones. I also wish it didn't take my impending death for me to find it. I don't know if it's like this for everyone. I know it was for my Mom. When she passed, I remember thinking how she was finally at peace & that all of us sitting here crying weren't crying for her. We were just having our own pity party because we would miss her. She was in a more beautiful place than exists here on earth. She has more peace & happiness than is possible on earth.

I'm going home soon. I feel so bad for the sorrow of those I will leave behind. I wish I could turn their tears into joy. I can't. I just want them to know that I'm going to be doing better than I ever did on earth. I will always be with them. One day each of them will join me & then they will understand.

All my Love & Prayers,

Melanie

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Thank you for sharing that Melanie, you can tell that was straight from your heart. I know if anything bothers you about crossing over, when the time comes, its the pain that is left behind for your loved ones to endure. It is a very difficult transisiton for all involved.

I know your letter will help them with their grieving process.

Yes, I also believe you will be in a beautiful place. Your mom & dad will be there to greet you, just like you will be to greet your husband and love ones when their time comes. It will be an incredible, beautiful reunion.

You are very intelligent and a very brave young lady. You show so much inner strength and have a great capacity of compassion for others.

I pray for your family, to find the strength when the time comes to grieve and then get on with their lives. As that is what you would want them to do. Your spirit and soul will live on through all the wonderful memories you leave behind including that beautiful letter.

Bless you, I pray for a miracle...

Maryanne

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Thank you Melanie.

In the short time that I have come to know you, I have known that you have found the key to happiness through acceptance of what has come your way. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like it, but it does mean that you can enjoy the moments that each of us is meant to cherish.

I just love your giving spirit. I think that now might be a good time to reveal what our little haha's were back awhile there. Melanie wasn't feeling so hot, yet she took the time to question me about what kind of gift that Justakid might like as she determined Justa needed some cheering up. It was easy for her to decide to make a warm and snuggly robe for Justa as Justa freezes all the time...! So, Melanie gets to work on her sewing machine and whips out a beautiful robe to send to Justakid. All this without her knowledge. ..boy was Beth ever surprised! Inside, Melanie had included a picture of herself on her wedding day and the tag on the garment said that it was specially made by Melanie.

There is no doubt in my mind, Melanie, that you have entered some kind of pre-heaven here on earth. If it is to be, I will meet you in heaven too. I hope that is where I am going anyway. I hope He doesn't hold my potty mouth against me anyway.

The truth is, that I have looked to you for inspiration. You are at peace with the process and with life. Thank you for your presence here in this community. You are a beacon that has quietly proclaimed that even through our hardships and pain we each have a choice in how we will deal with every obstacle and every gift that is put in front of us..each one. I thank you for that. And I love you and your spirit!

Cindi o'h

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It took a full day for us to formulate a post for this thread.

Brian and I want to tell, you, Melanie, that we feel warmed by your letter.

We are stronger, more content, peaceful and mostly blessed for having you in our lives.

May God shine His Face upon you and give you peace.

May He hold your family in His Arms.

We are praying for your husband to know how to comfort you and to know how to be comforted.

We are sending love and support and admiration.

Brian and Pat

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Melanie, I am glad you have been able to come to the point where you can express such beauty. You have given your husband and your family a special gift, and they will be fine. They will miss your terribly, but they will be fine. That is your legacy. Thanks for expressing these precious words to us here. Don

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You were very brave to write this Melanie, but what a treasure you will have left to your family. I wished that my husband could have written or spoken about his deeper feelings but he could never quite manage that. He did tell me he wasn't scared of dying though.

Peace and strength to you and the family,

Paddy

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I want to thank all of you who took the time to read this & especially those of you who posted replies. I wasn't really certain it was a good idea to post this letter & after reading these responses, I feel so much better about it.

Thanks for all of your encouragement.

Hugs & prayers,

Melanie

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Goodness Melanie, I had been feeling a little down and blue this morning, I'm still struggling with acceptance big time. Your thoughts and feelings have really helped and brightened my mood! I thank you for such a courageous posting of your thoughts and feelings. And I am praying as we go through this last stageas of our journey that you retain that serenity and peace.

Blessings

Betty

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Melanie,

Your letter was amazing. I truly believe everthing you wrote was what my mom would have said. She had told me she wasn't afraid to go to heaven, it was just the getting there that was difficult because you don't know how it will happen and what it will be like. She just wanted us to not worry about her, but to take care of Dad.

Your letter has given me a little of Mom back, and a sense of peace, if that makes sense.

God bless you,

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