Woman in court.

[Nushka]

Women take heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Power Outage During Mammogram

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi!

I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted

her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this

room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown.

Everything clearrrr?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda. Try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a

perfectly healthy cup size of 36 B to a size 38 LONG in less than 60

seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything

nice... it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a

cold 4 inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally)

to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean

in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine", I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not

use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob

wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then

felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the

door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open

so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how

Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half naked, part

of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between

glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba

(or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was

off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as

possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved goodbye as though I'd been

standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The

power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went

to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps

. . .