I am in a real mess and no way out of it

[t_beanes]

today I have been looking at all the cut outs we have made for the house ....where the furniture would fit etc.....I just cannot face it.I start all over again. I miss him so much ...he gave a feeling of home to my life and a feeling of belonging which I never had before . We were so much made for each other and looking after each other.And so much alike...so often he said as well that I had been in his brains stealing his thoughts and that it was uncanny.I don't know what to do with myself not being able to look after him anymore.

No laughter either anymore .I feel horrified thinking about the future ..like kicking and screaming .

I am sorry if this sounds horrible ....what happens as well is, that having moved house, I don't know anybody here and during the time of Richard's illness nobody was there either to give support.

So we were a bit on our own.

I did not find these webpages because I had to check on so many other things which were all in spanish and did often go wrong.

(Like they gave us to l,ittle chemo pills or confused the dates or forgot to give us stomache protectors etc etc )I feel like danfling in the air all this a bad dream.

[Don Wood]

I think your husband would be very sad at your pain, and I don't think he would want you to suffer like this. Try to think of some positive things you can do to honor his life and his memory. Don

[Connie B]

Dear Tina,

I am so very sorry to hear you lost your wonderful husband Richard to this monster of a disease.

Tina, I truly understand your pain of losing a loved one. The pain at times is and can be soooo deep and days can seem like years when your in that pain. Talking about your loss IS helpful to your grieving process and it WILL help you to get through these rough spots a little better as time goes on. Maybe it would help you to share your Richard with us and tell is a little about his wonderful life while he was still here. I know that sounds painful to do, but trust me, it helps. We don't EVER want to forget about our loved ones, and we don't want others to forget about them either, and keeping there wonderful memory alive is healthy for us to deal with there

loss. I would love to hear about your Richard, what he did for a living, what his hobbies were, vacations you may have taken in your 20 years together, etc.... Please feel free to share this is your up to it. Along with sharing ALWAYS comes the tears, but that's okay. It's good to cry and scream and cry some more. No one would expect you to do anything different.

Do you have family or friends you can maybe go visit or stay with? Have you considered counseling or talking to someone who works with grieving processes? I attended a grieving course years back and I found it to be extremely helpful in my heartache and pain. There is NO RIGHT OR WRONG to grieving, each and everyone of us does it differently and in our own ways. Do you work? What do you do to take up some of your time that would keep you a little busy and get your mind off of your Richard for a minute or so? No, I'm not asking you to forget about him, I am just suggesting you take a minute break and think of something else, something that might make you feel better for a minute or two.

I find for me, that if I can help someone else (even just for a minute or two) I tend to feel better about myself and it helps to take the pain away from my losses even for a few minutes by doing this. Giving can be just as rewarding and pleasing and comforting, to me, as recieving. Right now you need all the good feelings you can muster up my dear. It's not easy to push ourselves to do positive things when we feel so low, but it CAN BE DONE!!

I wish you well, and I am sorry your feeling so ALONE! Your not alone, we are listening to you and we will do our best to help you through this difficult time.

Warm and Gentle Hugs,

[Carolsdaughter]

Tina,

I do agree with Don and Connie.

Find something that gives you some peace weather it be caring for you dog, writing Richards story, working in the garden, or comming to this board and writting down your feelings.

Constantly thinking about how bad life is will only make it so for you. I say this from experience because I lost my mom in March. You need some distractions in your life. Read some of the posts from Mrs Mike, she too is dealing from the loss of her wonderful husband.

I read in another post where you don't believe in God. That is your chioce and I respect that. My faith in God has made the grieving process much more easier to bare. I believe that I will see my mom again and that God does have a plan tailor made for all of us. When I pray to HIM I recieve comfort and I am assured that HE is with my mom and she is with HIM. All of these things have helped so much in the last several months. You mentioned that after you moved into your new home that you don't know anyone. Go outside and meet you neighbors, take them some cookies and introduce your self. What can it hurt? People are people and everyone needs friends. Good Luck and I will be praying for you.

HUGS, Shelly