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Mothers Day and We're still in the dark


M

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Hi...I have only posted here once but have been here often. We are in the dark as far as my mother in laws cancer. I envy each of you who are so invlolved with your families fight. This may sound strange, but it is true.

She has SCLC, diagnosed in January with mets to bones. By doing reseacrh, I was able to learn about SCLC as best I could, in a general sense. Hard to appply since we know so little about her battle. We spent over one week with her in March (we live over 1700 miles away) and did not once discuss her disease. I tried to bring it up, but to no avail.

She has finished her chemo and went in for her scans to check. We were told yesterday by my sister in law that the doctor told her to go do the things she has always wanted to do. I guess through my research I suspected the doctor would have told her that t the get go. Anyhow....still know no detatils. I asked abou the next step...radiation...other therapies..... The doctor told her to come back in two months. Also that she could have one to several months left. I have so many questions for him that no one else seems to be asking. Anyhow.....the main reason for my post.

As Mother's Day approaches, I wonder what to do for this wonderful woman. I am planning on buying Breathe Deep wristbands for the whole family and a t-shirt for her. Any other suggestions? I want her to know how much she meands to us. Thanks ! M

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I think all those things are great- the bracelets and books, cards and gifts--

You may also want to think aobut non-cancer related things to do and give as well.

Just spending alot of quality time with her- getting to really know her, listening to her stories and her dreams, hopes and fears- those things are priceless and are things that show how much we are truely interested and how deeply we care. Not to mention you are making memories by spending that time together.

I think you are doing a wonderful thing being there for your mom. And you ARE being there for her, even if you are 1700 miles away. This post and your research proves that!

Hope the visit is just wonderful and I am praying for her total success.

Hugs,

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I'd go easy on the cancer stuff - if she didn't want to discuss her cancer when you were there for a week, she probably isn't that keen on having reminders of it around either. Just my opinion.

I'm really sorry everything sounds so dismal. I think that SCLC with mets to the bones can be treated more aggressively than hers has been. Maybe she knows all her options, doesn't want to be that aggressive, and doesn't want to discuss it either, as to avoid any pressure to change her mind? Just speculating here. Maybe your sister in law can shed more light on things.

But I'd make it the nicest mother's day you could. maybe another trip to see her is in order?

God Bless your family,

Karen

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I like Don's idea...a letter or a cassette expressing how much she means to you. I also tend to agree with Katie that perhaps something NON cancer related might be a better gift.

Not knowing any more than you do at this point, her doctor has said she should go do what she's always wanted to do. You might ask if there is some wish she has that you can facilitate?

Otherwise, I'd contact your SIL and see if you can glean a bit more info. Perhaps a second opinion from another onc is really in order. But if she truly is short of time, if you could visit again...I'd think that would be very important. And perhaps while there you could ask her if there is anything she feels remains "unfinished" that you might help her complete.

Bottom line though....I'd try to find out just what her status is and why her doc is encouraging her to go do what she's always wanted to...instead of looking at further treatment options. There may be reasons for his attitude...but I'd sure want to know what they are!

Best of luck to you. Please come back and let us know how things go...

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I like Don's idea too, and wanted to echo about maybe doing more than just 'cancer stuff.' It sounds like from what you've mentioned of your visit--she is perhaps wanting you and your husband to be a 'non-cancer' place to fall. Though I know you want to be informed about her care, and I can only imagine how frusterating it is to feel that you're in the dark, I'm sure that when out-of-town family are back with her she just wants to enjoy you instead of 'talking cancer shop.' So any way that you could BE that sort of gift to her, I know she would appreciate.

(((((hugs)))) to you.

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Good suggestion from Cathy!!

Even if you cannot get it ready for Mothers Day, it would be a wonderful gift.

You can make a scrapbook. There are so many scrapbooks places croping up all over. They have wonderful paper with all kinds of nestalgia prints where you can add your pictures.

Some of these scrapbooks places have classes. Also you get get scrapbooks and paper from AC Moore.

Just a suggestion, but if it is done by you especially for her, it would be soooo special, She would love it.

Take care

Maryanne

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