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How did it feel when you heard the diagnosis?...


KatieB

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I was told it was cancer when I was tied to a bed. The doctor didn't tell me; it was a nurse as she was passing thru. My husband walked in and looked white as a ghost. The "doctor" didn't have the nerve to tell me. The next day, another "doctor" came to tell me basically that it was my fault, and that I had a very bad future ahead. I then found the best doctor in the world, thanks to my brother in law, and from there, everything went uphill. I've been ok ever since. Thank God.

I learned from this experience -

Always go to the dr. that graduated at the TOP of the Class - not the BOTTOM of the CLASS.

Love gets you thru everything.

Some people shouldn't be in medicine.

Life is Great!

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I was with my mom in the hospital, Dad forced her to go to the doc and they put her in for pneumonia. There was a spot on her lung, but they thought it was the pneumonia. We were relieved, but then it didn't get better and they did a biopsy, and we waited, and waited. Mom called me on the phone and told me it was lung cancer and I just cried. I had been called at work, by my mom, just the year before her diagnosis, and was told my beloved grandmother had lung cancer. When Mom told me she had it I just kept asking WHY US?!! First Mamaw, and now my mom!? In a way, it seemed like a movie that I was watching, I kept thinking I would walk away from this, but it was always there when I woke up. It's strange that I found this question tonight, because I went to bed and I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of Mom and seeing before and after pictures in my head; no matter how hard I try they would't go away, so I got up and got on here to read. Maybe I, like Sharon, need to stop coming here and try to move on. But, here I am. I just can't leave you guys, it's almost like, if I leave here, I leave part of my mom. Does that make any since. I guess I'm just not ready for that road yet, maybe I never will.

After I faced reality, I was able to be there for my mom. I came to a deeper understanding of the Lord, and a very calming peace that comes with knowing him in my heart.(I was baptized Easter Morning last year; the same time mom had NED for the first and only time.) All my mom ever wanted was to know that she would see us in heaven one day. I hate it, but maybe mom was suppost to go through lung cancer to bring my family closer to Him. She was his vessel, she brought us to Him, she brought us to the Lord. Even though my mother died, she gave me new life. Maybe that was her purpose, and now that her work is done, she was rewarded with the greatest gift of all.

Sorry if I'm rambling on, sometimes I can't help myself. It helps me just to spill my guts sometimes.

I pray that we all find the peace we are looking for.

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With my dad I was only 16 when he learned of his

cancer. He had no symptoms had just went in for a

routine dental cleaning. The dentist found a spot on

his tounge. Then that led to finding out he had

throat cancer and 9 months later learning dad had

lung cancer. I was so young and nieve that losing

my dad was never really a thought. Until the day he

passed and then I was hit with it all like a ton

of bricks. On that day every emotion was rushing

through my body sadness,fear,depression,shock.

It was alot different when learning of my mom having

lung cancer. This time I knew and was not a nieve

16 year old. Mom was having some minor discomfort

with her neck { we had thought to be arthritis}

and some naseau, slight numbness in her hand that

had been coming and going for a few weeks and some

fatigue.

After her doctor rushed to call after her first

test { think it was a cat scan } before she could

even make it home from the hospital. We knew some

thing was wrong. She felt it was going to be colon

cancer. My grandma was a colon cancer survivor and

mom felt this was going to be what the doctor was

going to tell her.

When she left the doctors she came straight to my

house. She told me we needed to sit and talk.

Then she said the doctor believes I have lung cancer

that has spread to my liver and kidney.

This time the ton of bricks hit me instantly. I was

so sad and scared out of my mind. Here is my mom

trying to cheer me up and telling me it would all

be ok. She went to work the very same night she

learned of all this. This is how mom was through

her entire journey with cancer. Very brave and

always more worried about me than herself. :cry:

Haylee

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Our family doctor had been following my husband

during a three months period, pneumonia to start with

and finally, I got a call from him, telling me it

was lung cancer and to be at his office the next day.

To make sure Mike would be there, I had to make

an appointment for myself.

When we were told, all Mike did was grab my hand

and say ''I love you'', and the cancer path started,

it lasted 18 months.

Now after an eight month period of tests, I am

waiting for a similar disgnosis on Monday.

How do I feel?, just missing that hand.

J.C.

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My Dad was being treated for an ear infection for about 8 months, but I didn't know about it until December 2003. He sent us a funny little e-mail about how he couldn't walk a straight line. It frightened me, so I e-mailed my brothers and asked if anyone was involved with Dad's situation. My oldest brother reassured me that the antibiotic would take care of it. Another brother didn't agree and nagged Dad to go to a different doctor. When Dad couldn't stand up without overwhelming nausea, he decided to get another opinion.

On New Years Eve 2003, I walked in the house and my daughter-in-law said, "Your brother Scott called about your Dad." I felt my knees buckle and I grabbed the table to keep from falling down. I knew. I just knew. A CT scan had shown a mass on Dad's brain and an MRI was scheduled for New Years Day at a larger hospital. I was about 1,000 miles away, so I went to work on New Years to get things ready for a trip to Texas.

M.D. Anderson wouldn't accept Dad because the neurologist told them that there was nothing that could be done for him. So we took Dad to Scott & White in Temple, Texas. On January 6, 2004, after days of waiting and testing and waiting some more, I was standing next to Dad when the doctor said "lung cancer" and "6 months or less." Dad had been eating cashews when the doctor came in, and he continued eating them while the doctor talked. Then he thanked the doctor because he knew it must be hard to tell a patient news like that. I felt like an electric shock had gone through my body, but I did not believe the doctor. I thought my Dad could do anything, and I thought he would beat lung cancer.

We were prepared for a brain tumor, but we were stunned to learn Stage IV adenocarcinoma with brain and spine mets. We had no idea what that meant or what to do about it. Dad just wanted to go home. The Decadron had decreased the brain edema to the point that he could walk without nausea, and he wanted to go fishing.

In the weeks and months that followed, the all-consuming activity of learning about lung cancer and treatments, dealing with side effects, and everything that went with fighting back the cancer quickly overtook the shock, fear and grief. There just wasn't time to feel it. Dad and lung cancer were the center of my world, and everything else faded into the background.

Then it was over. Dad was gone, and that's when I felt the real shock. I still do. I still do.

Pam

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Wow...where so I begin??? Dennis had been battling a bug and had gone to our family physician for a simple check and antibiotics. I was at work when Dennis called me. The phone was on the wall and I can remember today how it all felt to hear that the doctor was sending him for more tests, as his both lungs looked very "suspicious" and that it could be cancer. Dennis sounded calm on the phone...too calm! I had my back against the wall and my legs became numb and I literally slid down the wall and hit the floor. Luckily, my boss was nearby and helped me to my feet. It's so very funny how I can go back to that day and actually "feel" those feelings, physically and emotionally! I think I was totally numb for the next 10 months. I didn't cry, at least not around Dennis. He was brave, determined and ready to battle the monster growing inside his body. I felt I had to be strong for him and I never really thought too much about myself. Oh how I miss him but am so glad that his pain is forever gone and he's finally at peace!

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I was angry, hurt, scared, everything. I don't think I am over the intial shock, I still can't believe this happened to our family and Mom is gone. It doesn't seem real. I still reach for the phone to ring her. It hurts so much sometimes I can't even move, and it isn't getting easier. So I think I haven't made it very far from finding out to now,I am still in some weird state of shock and it sucks. :cry:

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Surprise, disbelief, a feeling of irritation because I had to deal with it. Part of me still does not believe it. It all seemed a little unreal. I had no symptoms and felt fine. Admist all the emotions I immediately started to do all that was needed to get good treatment. I did not waste a single moment sitting around taking it in or processing it.

Don M

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I will never forget where I was when I got the call, I was sitting at a stop light being very impatient because I had not heard from Mom all day and I was running late to pick up the kids. My phone range and I hesitated for just a brief second, knowing but not really wanting to hear. This was in January 2001.

In early December 2000, Mom had been to see her OB/GYN oncologist for a check up for her cervical cancer and for whatever reason she ordered a Chest X-ray and when radiologist reviewed it he noticed a small spot and ordered a follow up x-ray. The follow up wasn't actually completed until mid-January. She had the x-ray and headed home (about an hour drive)by the time they got home they had been called to come back to the city the next day - the small spot was now the size of a lemon....She had a CT and PET within the next 3 days, I was so naieve I had no idea what those things meant...

until I heard the words, It's lung cancer. Amazingly I didn't cry (I am right now though) but was shaking like a leaf. I learned all I could but with limited internet access I didn't have the resources to tell me how scared I probably should have been.

Fast forward to last March. Mom had not been feeling well and her cough came back. The Nurse Practioner put her on Biaxin thinking it was an infection, well the Biaxin did a number on her stomach and she continued to feel worse with each day. I was on vacation half way across the country calling my Dad every day to see how she was feeling. We stopped at a rest stop right before entering the Smoky Mountains and I called one more time knowing my cell wouldn't work in the mtn's and she told me she had had a PET scan a couple of days earlier - my stomach dropped because THIS time, I knew what it meant. She got the results the Thursday after we got home and I insisted on going with them to hear for myself. Mom kept telling me over and over that I was wasting my time but I knew better.

I will never forget the look on her face when the pulmonologist told her it was back. She was in total shock and then I cried because I knew she thought she was in the clear - it had been 3yrs.

I guess I got off track - sorry the words just tumbled out. I guess I didn't react the first time because I didn't know what it meant - the second time - well I was scared sh**less because I knew alot more about the diagnosis. I was only able to get a grip once I found this site filled with hope and love.

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I was having our monthly lunch with my Dad and brothers. We all live 2 hours from each other and Dad lives alone so we make sure to get together and I brought a cake for one of my brothers birthday. My Dad leaned over to me and said " I have inoperable lung cancer and less than a year to live". I sat there and cried and the tears would not stop. I asked my Dad the details and found he had known for 4 weeks and even though we email often, he kept this to himself. Part of the reason is my younger brother had just visited from back east with his three children and sat us all down to tell us his bladder cancer had become invasive and he needed to have major surgery and have his bladder removed. My dad wanted to focus on my brother so he kept this to himself. He drove himself to radiation everyday. This really overwhelmed me but after the lunch I quickly pulled myself together and sat with my Dad alone offering to help with anything. I am the only daughter..........so we moved him near the hospital and got everything in order. I met with each of his doctors and he now knows my goal is to do whatever will bring him comfort. He is dealing with this so much better and accepting the support of all of my brothers. We spend alot of quality time together and are grateful for each moment. I found this board about a week into this process and although I dont write alot, I am here everyday and feel support from all of the amazing people. I talk to my dad about the board and he is always interested in the information I get. It has helped us so much! I will always be grateful for everyone sharing their stories.

Nancy T

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It's funny, I don't remember the first moments anymore. Shock and disbelief is what I remember most. And I wanted as much information as I could gather.

But my most vivid memories are of the scan results over the years. If I got a phone call, all was well (or well enough). But if, after results of scans, my parents arrived at my doorstep, I knew it was horrible news again. So I would sit at home and wait and wait and wait. Praying for the phone to ring.

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Four years ago, Mike had been very ill with pneumonia. Xrays were done and then later repeated, showing an area of no change . I remember the phone call from the nurse saying " according to the latest xray, a CT scan is reccommended"... I freaked out.. "omg he's a smoker, I'm so scared". Mike was sent for a CT scan and it showed a mass on his right lung. From there , he went to the pulmonologist and was scheduled for a bronchoscopy. I will never forget that day..... The doctor sent an assistant out into the waiting area and invited me into the procedure room, where Mike was still in the chair. The doctor was pointing to pictures on a screen and saying " the tumor is here". I must have turned white because I felt the blood leave my face and I said "tumor? is it cancer? the doctor said "I have to wait for the results , but I have seen a lot of these and I believe that it is". At the time, the tumor had begun to bleed and he had to stay in the hospital that night . Everyone (family) thought he would be going home, soooooooo there was no time for tears... I had phone calls to make, noone was going to do this for me. The next day diagnosis was confirmed. Honestly, from that day forward we have been on a mission to fight cancer. He had the original tumor removed in April 2001 .... Recurrence , stage IV in January 2004.. That one was the hardest to deal with , but Mike made it easier for me. He said from word go... "I'm fighting this". We have gone through every step of the way together. I have never seen him cry. I've cried plenty, but rarely in front of him. My insides are like jello and I've gone the range of emotions. Mike says "I accept this as God's will". "I will give it my best fight , but I trust in God's plan". I have to admit that his attitude gives me comfort , but my emotions have been all over the board. There are days, that I've wanted to be in total denial, I've been angry , really angry, I've gone through various levels of depression and I've yet to reach true acceptance. I've gotten this far, because Mike is so strong, I love him and I want to give him the best part of me. I take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at time, but I try to focus on doing my best for Mike. It's hard . I believe in God and prayer to give us strength to get through this, but I'm still having a struggle with the why's of it all. I know God's hand is in this because every time I ask for strength to get through another day , I find it. I would have to say that for us, praying individually and talking about God together has gotten us through this. I also have to give very special credit to this forum and all of you. With all of you, we dont' feel so alone. Thank you.

Love and Prayers to all,

Sue

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For as long as I live, I never want to be blind-sided with that kind of news again. It was the last thing on our minds...he was just having headaches due to some minor arthritis in his neck....right?

I was overwhelmed with grief. I immediately began grieving for all we were "going to" loose. I was, am and probably always will be the "weak one" of the two of us. He is so strong, so determined. He is an incredible man, husband, father and friend. He pulled me through those first few weeks. In hindsight, maybe he was too afraid to fall apart. Hell, who would have been there for him? I was useless.

THEN...I found this board. The family members here taught me so much and continue to teach me so much. Someone told me early on that there would come a day when I would feel good about life again. Yeah right I thought.

Yes, there certainly have been many (not all) days that I feel good about life. God knows we appreciate life so much more. It's cliche, I know...but still true.

I just take things one day at a time and have accepted the facts that some days I will wake up and feel like we've been screwed...but there are also going to be (and have been) days that I wake up and say "My life is good and we are going to win this battle".

Thank you LCSC, thank you Katie & Rick for giving me this place to help me survive.

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From the moment I was told I had a mass on my lung. I started searching information. I learned I knew very little, most of what I t knew was wrong and most of what the doctors told me was not personalized for my specific case. That impersonalized was confirmed again today.

Involvement with every aspect of my disease and health is what gets me by. I got involved in my situation and as best and I could I took control. It works for me.

Oh yea and I was scarred ******** tool

Bo

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I just take things one day at a time and have accepted the facts that some days I will wake up and feel like we've been screwed...but there are also going to be (and have been) days that I wake up and say "My life is good and we are going to win this battle".

I just wanted to say... Thank you. You just said it in such a beautiful, honest way. It made me feel ok about bad days, and feel ok about good days too. You said it so well.

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