melaniem Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Hi to all. It's been quite a week on these boards. Just wanted to update ya'll. Vision is still the same, no left. Neurosurgeon told me Tuesday not to panic, he thinks it will improve. He also said this crazy, swimming through molasses feeling in my brain is normal too. I go today to get prepared for WBR which will start next Tuesday. Every day for 30 days. Then another brain mri and close watching. Ya'll know what I learned from this???? It's so simple and yet it's huge. WE DON'T ALL GET THE FAIRY TALE!! And that's ok. There is a beautiful feeling of peace when you accept that. I'm not meaning I am walking around having given up my fight or in a total loss of confusion or denial. Absolutely not, but I've come to grips somewhat with the possibility that I may not live to be an old woman. It's just quiet acceptance that we're not really in control of that. And when you cross that point, that's when you really live, I mean for the moment. Taking nothing for granted, it's lovely.I have always had a strongth faith and no fear of death/heaven but this is different. It's just total peace and security.It's funny actually, I haven't seen my kids clearly in 10 days now, I'm achy and puffy on high-dose steroids not to mention an insomniac, i've got a 4 1/2 inch gash in the back of my head and yet I'm really happy. Go figure. Also, not anti-depressents here, at least not yet. Just high on life I guess. May everyone have a good day and look for the blessings all around you, you'll find them. Love, Melanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbays Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 You are awesome. I'm so glad you're feeling such peace. Praying that all goes well for you. Keep the faith. God is great. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 You're such a brave soul. I love your outlook. Praying hard for you. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Aw, Mel... Coming to some sort of peace about what we cannot control in Life is liberating, isn't it. And I don't read your comments as *giving up* at all...I see them as more a matter of focusing your energy on all that is around you or IN your life that is good, happy, worth focusing upon! I try to do this too...although I have this thing about noticing idiots in traffic that is hard to shake! With my recurrence in Feb., initially I was scared beyond belief....far more so than with my orig. diagnosis. But I too have come to a more comfortable place in my head. I've gotten some things taken care of...and otherwise am focusing on as many "old normal" things as I can....modifying them as needed. Such as...little side trips to TJ Maxx or a craft store on the way home from chemo. Even the occasional Big Mac for lunch! Cracking tired old jokes with my hubby....you know....the ones he's already heard 100 times over the years~! Keep that attitude and peace...and it's my guess that you'll be around to enjoy your kids a lot longer than you might think! Miracles come from this stuff, Melanie....from reaching a certain acceptance...while still being open to all the joy and beauty around us. Heal fast and well...and I hope you get most, if not all that left vision back. Keep us posted...and don't lose your attitude. It's beautiful! Keep on fighting, girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Hi Melanie. You are doing so wonderfully, I can tell. Now you are sounding alot like your cousin, MelanieLR... I am glad that you have initials to keep you two apart now. love, cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Melanie Thanks for the reminder I wish you well, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Melanie, Most of the time when I pray for people on this board, I pray the Serenity prayer, you know the one..to accept the things you can't change, etc. I am glad my prayer has come true for you. I will continue to pray for you. This definitely made me smile, so thanks!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justakid Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Mel- You are a better woman then me at dealing with this! I only hope I can get to your place mentally sometime! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Thank you for being who you are and for sharing w/ us. Blessings Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Good perspective, Melanie. Thanks for sharing that. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Melanie: I am glad you have found the present moment. I have been trying to do that for the last 20 years and so far, no real success. Monkeymind always takes over. You have my continued support and prayers. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 What a wonderful, peaceful mindset you have. Wishing you a speedy recovery! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Melanie, Your grace and dignity are inspiring. Acceptance is the key... ...and as for fairytales, ANYONE can make their life that fairytale, they just don't know how many pages are between "Once upon a time" and "Happily ever after". Not all fairytales are long, but the good ones are full of love and lessons. Hey, as for that eyesight - while you're healing and cannot see the left, I guess that you are seeing everything in the right light! Maybe THAT'S what helped spark the acceptance, huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Melanie, so appreciate your attitude. I too have four children but am 10 yrs. older than you so mine are all grown. You are right. We only live one day, really one minute at a time. God gives us this life as a prepartion time to get ready for eternity. Sounds like you are doing a great job and not giving up hope for more time here. My goal is to see some of my grandkids. Don't have any and none on the way but I do have something to look forward to that gives me motivation to fight for each minute, day or year. God has blessed us so much already and continues to do so. Will be praying for you to do well with the WBR. love pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I'm glad you've reached this point of acceptance. You sound really at peace with things. It's a good reminder to the rest of us to -- to enjoy today and those little things which really make up the "bulk" of what's important. Sending continued prayers for you. Gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 melanie-hello-i'm new to this post and i must say--you give such inspiration to me. i don't know what's around the corner for my husband and i with his lung cancer. but how can i not have faith and strenght after reading your post. god bless you and he WILL take care of you,love,nancy c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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