minnie Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 It's been a very long time since I have posted here. I just got back home to school/work after spending 7 weeks in Texas with my mom. Things were horrible. From February to May, I had been led to believe that everything with mom was OK. Boy was I shocked when I saw her. I can't even explain the sadness I saw in her eyes. She was giving up, I could tell. She said so, too. She was tired, she didn't want to fight anymore. She never wanted me to see her this way. Over the course of the first three weeks I was home, mom lost about 20 pounds. She wouldn't eat. She said it hurt too bad from the radiation. I kept calling the doctors. They kept telling me it was normal, and they kept prescribing medication that didn't work. Finally, I made her push up her 1 month follow-up after radiation and chemo. She was sick the entire 45-minute drive to the radiologist's office. It hurt me so much to see her like that. I had noticed that mom became sort of a mute when it came to describing what she felt, especially to the doctors. So I began to keep typed lists of problems, side effects, whatever I noticed. I gave it to her radiologist. He read it, put it in her file, called her oncologist and admitted her to the hospital. She cried and cried and cried. The dr kept asking why she didn't tell them just how bad things were. She had no excuse. She just didn't care anymore. Mom's esophagus was nearly closed due to the radiation. It was causing everything she ate, even liquid to build up and eventually come up because the food couldn't pass through the esophagus. She had minor surgery to expand it. We just have to keep an eye on it, because it can close back up again. After 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital, mom came home. She had to have TNP at home and the family was in charge of changing her IV bag everyday. She was so scared of us even doing anything near her portacath, but we did what we had to do. It took about a month for her esophagus to start feeling better again. Even now she has some problems swallowing food. But she's better. Every day is a different day. Some days she's up and some days she's down. I'm taking a semester off to go stay at home with mom and the family. I don't know how I'm going to make it financially, but I don't want to ever regret not spending time with my mom. It's been almost one year since my mom was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma Stage 3B, yet it seems like a hellish eternity. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to say to make her feel better or want to keep trying. I suppose the best thing to do is just follow my heart. Minnie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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