shelliemacs Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 18 months, 7 days, 11 hours, now all I can do for you is buy plastic flowers. You went away, on that August day no matter how much I begged God to let you stay, and a big part of me also died that day. I try not to cry, to keep it deep down inside, but sometimes missing you is just too much to hide. my heart still won't heal, sometimes its better not to feel. I am so angry and mad, sometimes so overwhelmingly sad this feels like the worst pain I have ever had. Mom, I wan't you hear with me. Thats the way its supposed to be. A girl needs her mom, her whole life long. can't you go tell God that I still need you, that your baby can't think through, this life's hard issues without thousands of tissues. I miss calling you, and talking about nothing. but even in that nothing, we were sharing something. Come back to me mom, even if its in a dream. the family say, my eyes have lost there gleam. I need you so damn much, having no parents, truly freaking sucks. I miss you mom, love your baby girl Shelly Quote
Kasey Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Shelly, I wish I could help you carry some of that grief. My heart aches for you and how you are feeling. May you be granted some peace to carry forth. I lost my dad to lymphoma and mother to lc 23 months apart. I can BEGIN to identify - but not completely. What a difficult time of year for you. I am so sorry. Kasey Quote
Maryanne Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I could see how special you mom was to you. You had a really close relationship. Just keep those memories close and know that she is watching you and just wants you to be happy and not greive so much. One of these days you will meet again. Thank you for sharing that poem. It was straight from you heart. Maryanne Quote
shineladysue Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 oh Shelly, thank you for sharing your poem. You make me appreciate my mom that much more. I am so fortunate to still have her and be able to talk to her daily. My heart goes out to you. I pray that some day soon, you will feel at peace and the pain will be much less intense. God bless you Shelly. (((Hugs))) Sue Quote
LynneH Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Shelly, That poem took my breath away, literally. Your love for your Mom shines through in every line. What a special person she must have been to raise such a special daughter. Lynne Quote
daggiesmom Posted May 8, 2005 Posted May 8, 2005 Your Mom will always be with you. Those we love are never far away. Sometimes at night you can almost feel that they're right next to you. I know I do. I had a wonderful dream about two weeks ago. I was in front of God (i think) and I asked him, "where's Jennifer?" and she popped out from behind him, with a big smile on her face. She put out her hand and without talking to me, motioned me to come with her. We were walking and communicating, without talking, thru this peaceful bright light sort of place and somehow I knew we were going to a table where all my relatives were waiting and smiling (my mother, father, uncle, mother-in-law, father-in-law, everyone.) I just had this wonderful feeling that they were all very, very happy. Like they were at a party where nothing was wrong, there were no problems or illnesses. She smiled at me and then I woke up. Well, that dream really got to me. Somehow since I had it, now I am somewhat more settled, knowing that she's happy. Your mom is too, I'm sure. She would want you to remember her in a happy way on Mother's Day. ((())) Joanie Quote
Carolsdaughter Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 (((Shelly))), We have been friends from the beginning and we have somethings in common like our names and losing our moms to lc. I enjoyed your poem very much. Mother's Day is also hard for me but being a mom myself I need to hide my pain the best I can so that my children can find some joy in the day. I'll tell you a secret, "I still talk to my mom". I "hear" her giving me "pep talks" all the time. Dhe tells me stuff like "Life is short, don't waste a day of it" to "Calm down, you don't have all of the facts yet". Moms are a strange breed, they only want us to be happy. I try my best to homor her every day by finding something that brings me joy, afterall, without joy, we might as well be a robot. Shelly, you have had a lot of heartache and no one will argue that with you. Please try to find things that you enjoy and share in the lives of your children as your wonderful mother has done with you. It is up to you to carry her legacy. Baby steps is all that is required to make a difference. I no longer wish my mom back, I want her to be able to enjoy her spot where she is now knowing that we still can be "in touch". When my son was almost killed 10 months ago, she was the one who comforted him. He was in a coma for 5 days and I could feel that she was with him at times. I told her that she could not keep him but I was grateful that she could be there for him at that time. Get quiet, and listen for the words of your mother to come to you. I believe that heaven is much closer then we think. Love always, Your Friend Shelly Quote
Patkid Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 shelly, spunky, You guys made our day. God love you Brian and Pat Quote
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