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neurosis (Debi from Oklahoma please read)


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Awhile back, in early stage, Debi posted a topic called "Flying Pigs & Fairies" talking about tempting fate and I totally related.

Well I am worried I tempted fate. Brian and I just signed the acceptance of the counteroffer to purchase a new home this morning, located 1 mile away from my personal assistants/servants/parents :) I am now worried that something bad will have to happen during my mom's anyerusm procedure next week b/c there can't be too much good. Or maybe something bad will happen to me or Brian.

The reason I am posting my fears is b/c I know from Debi's post she shares them too, and maybe others who read this have the same fears and will know they are not alone.

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Andrea,

A lesson I learned a long time ago. I was married at 19 and had two children and was divorced when I was 22. No $$$, no child support, no family, no education, no car, no anything except 2 beautiful children, a half decent brain and a strong work ethic.

In the beginning I worried about everything, lay in bed at night worrying about everything else. It took a while, but I found that worrying did absolutely nothing to change a situation. So I made a decision that I was going to do everything I could to make a problem or a situation right and then when it was too late (places were closed) or there was not more $$$, then I would sleep well.

With my situation now, I allow myself to grieve, it is important for my soul. But I put fences around it, because for me, my children, my grandchildren, my friends and my coworkers I need to be a functioning and supportive person.

To do this, I talk to myself alot, hopefully not when other people can hear me. I think you can talk yourself into a lot of things - I try to talk myself into the not worry thingy.

So Andrea, what I am trying to say is keep talking to yourself about the positive, not the negative. Find a mantra that is a happy, don't worry one. You have had many many life altering events these last few years, both good (marriage) and bad (your Mother). Keep you heart on the good.

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Hey Andrea,

Not Debi here, but I worry about all of the same things. And I also wonder sometimes about tempting fate.

For example, I turn 50 years old in October this year. Now, for most of my friends, it's a day they don't look forward to and don't wish to celebrate (even though I am insisting that we celebrate the birthdays this year!). For me, I vacillate between having the biggest party ever and inviting everyone I ever knew and saying--"I made it!" or, should I just lay low and hope the voices of doom don't realize I got away with becoming 50 years old and do something about it??????

I think that it's important to live our lives. I just went to the funeral of an uncle this week who everyone thought would live to be 100 years old. He died after a brief illness at the age of 83. But, at the funeral mass, the priest talked about being at his 80th birthday party, and his 50th wedding anniversary party, and I was at those parties too. He talked about how important it was to celebrate things in life because the funeral mass he did the day before was for a 45 year old father of two young daughters.

So, you know, after a lot of thought, I think that just because good things are happening, it doesn't mean you're 'due' for a bad thing, so you should avoid good things so the bad things don't happen.

Am I making any sense here?????

Long story short--just because you get a great house near your parents doesn't mean bad things will start to happen!!!!! Grab all the chances at good things and happiness that you can.

Cindy

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Hey Andrea,

Not Debi here, but I worry about all of the same things. And I also wonder sometimes about tempting fate.

For example, I turn 50 years old in October this year. Now, for most of my friends, it's a day they don't look forward to and don't wish to celebrate (even though I am insisting that we celebrate the birthdays this year!). For me, I vacillate between having the biggest party ever and inviting everyone I ever knew and saying--"I made it!" or, should I just lay low and hope the voices of doom don't realize I got away with becoming 50 years old and do something about it??????

I think that it's important to live our lives. I just went to the funeral of an uncle this week who everyone thought would live to be 100 years old. He died after a brief illness at the age of 83. But, at the funeral mass, the priest talked about being at his 80th birthday party, and his 50th wedding anniversary party, and I was at those parties too. He talked about how important it was to celebrate things in life because the funeral mass he did the day before was for a 45 year old father of two young daughters.

So, you know, after a lot of thought, I think that just because good things are happening, it doesn't mean you're 'due' for a bad thing, so you should avoid good things so the bad things don't happen.

Am I making any sense here?????

Long story short--just because you get a great house near your parents doesn't mean bad things will start to happen!!!!! Grab all the chances at good things and happiness that you can.

Cindy

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all I have to say is:

LISTEN TO GINNY.

I was doing the same thing, or close to it, a month or two ago. all the what ifs of Dave dying ran through my head. Ginny, actually, pointed out to me that I was grieving in advance. hmmm. I was! so I just stopped.

LISTEN TO GINNY.

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE - EVERYTHING!!!

Luv ya, girl,

Karen

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Andrea,

I have absolutely NO advice for you, for I AM you. Isn't it wonderful our site is full of such knowledgeable people? Who needs Dr. Phil? I think I will heed the aforementioned advice myself. Thanks everyone :lol: .

Just a thought - maybe the house thing is the beginning of more GOOD things happening! Hmm...

Kasey

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I don't think that positive things or good things that happen to us upset the scales, so to speak....I like to think that what we throw out in the world comes back to us, the more good you do, the more good things that come back at you.

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Andrea,

Never ask if something can get worse - Fate likes to prove it CAN get worse. Never ask that question out loud - BUT, ask if it can get better. True emotional highs are great, go with the flow while you can.

You are not immune to bad things happening, but you are also not immune to more good things happening. If things fall in line for you to get a home close to your parents, go for it. It's closer no matter what the news is on your mother.

I have received worse news than a cancer diagnosis, the year I was diagnosed was a year from hell for me. I still found time to laugh, still had good times, still had good news.

Roll with the bad stuff, like a gymnast, learn to fall. It's easier to get back up if you know how to fall right. Start on Plan B when you need to, sometimes, the detour is the scenic route and well worth whatever put you there.

Take care, and BE HAPPY, dammit! 8)

Becky

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Andrea,

Think about your new home, and all the good things that will come from that. That is a positive, and a positive is a positive.

Don't rain on your parade. Like everyone says think positive. That what this board is for. People are made to concentrate on positive thoughts.

Don't you understand you are doing something positive for you and Brian. Again that is a positive, why make it a negative? Scared okay, now let it go. Thought are things, replace them with good vibes.

If anything unfortunate happens to your mom, it has nothing to do with you but from the man above.

Take care and one day at a time. Stay strong!!

Maryanne

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Andrea,

You know I am there with ya girlfriend!! I know exactly how you feel. When something good happens or I do something major in my life, at first I am either all stressed out or just have this vague sense of unease. But as each day passes and nothing happens, I feel better and better until I finally end up accepting that good things can happen and they don't always have a price.

Since we are so alike that way, I know that you know this all in your heart. I'm glad you post how you feel becasue you are right, someone can always identify. I remember when my daughter was born, 27 years ago, I stood over her crib on a particular trying day and found myself wishing that I never had her. It was a fleeting thought, but for years I was horrified about that one moment, I felt that I was the worst mother in the world, because I wished that about my daughter. It was only years later that I realized that other mothers have had those thoughts and it didn't make me a bad person. If I had been able to speak about my thoughts at the time, I would have realized I wasn't that unique!

So, even though I am older and hopefully a bit wiser, I still like to show my insecurities sometimes, to make sure I'm not the only crazy person. And as long as you are on the board, I will rest assured that I am in good company.. :P:lol::wink:

P.S. Congrats on the new house. It WILL all be okay!!!

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:shock: Boy do I know exactly what you mean, I have hesistated posting about my mother for so long as not to "tempt the fates"!

I guess I just have to learn to put my faith where it should be, in God, and don't worry so much.

Take good care,

Deb

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Andrea - I also know how you feel because I do too. But you know I think we just take the good things for granted and time flies by with good news but then BOOM bad news hits and we sit and dwell over what has happend. No matter big or small I really believe this is what most people do.

heidi

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Today is my 52 birthday. I worried and worried that I wouldn't see it, but I did! I worried for nothing. I am a worrier by nature, but since all of this, I have become less so. I cannot control everything that happens. I can only control how I react to these things. I try to find peace as much as I can. The more you seek peace, the more you will find it. I wish your Mom the best. And you also. ((()))

Joanie

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