nancy c Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 You guys are all wonderful-i just have to say that-i read all the replies and it does my heart so good. mike is trying to rest in the hospital-but that's not working.the nurses naturally are in there always doing something-that's their job. he is on iv antiboitics because he has a slight case of pneumonia. they are also pushing his eating, with of course, boost drinks--he's trying so hard but he is so weak and ill and doesn't have an appetite. they did a lung scan today to rule out pulmonary embolism and that was negative. he needs help to the bathroom and gets so shakey when he's up. they are doing a cat scan of the abdomen and pelvis tomorrow morning. i talked to his oncologist and he really feels there is liver involvement. he says his prognosis is very poor with this extensive disease. he said there are other chemos to use if there is liver involvement--??? wouldn't any more chemo fricking kill him?? dr did say his goal is to get mike to walk nicole down the isle may 14th. i pray that will happen--he may have to be pushed in a wheelchair---whatever it takes!!i am so confused-i worked today and i'm working tomorrow-and if mike can come home friday i'll take that day off. and i'm off most of next week due to the wedding. i don't know if i can make it through the wedding without a complete breakdown if his cat scan is bad news. i can't believe this is happening--why now!!! i'm so angry; i'm so tired. and i just want to scream. i have to suck it up and just try to be positive but at this point it is hard. i pray to god for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 I hope they get his strength up so he can make that walk. Keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy, Just scream. Go home after work and visiting your hubby and just scream. I'm not kidding. (You'll laugh after you scare the bejezus out of the neighbors...) THEN, AFTER you scream (yes, I meant it), find something to focus on to get you through the days. If it gets so bad the only positive thing you can do is think of your next breath, do that. Concentrate on your breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth, deep and slow breaths. I suggest the screaming, I really do. If you just can't do that, hop in the shower and have a nice long crying session - or take a warm bath, same deal. Get it out. When the emotions start bubbling up and pushing their way into EVERY thought, it's time to let them go. Push 'em out, you'll feel better, I promise. Take care, may your Plan B be a silver bullet. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Vent away! That's what we are here for. Your husband does need to eat regularly if he is regain his strength. You need to keep encouraging him to do so, regardless of whether he feels like it or not. I've been there with my wife. My prayers are with you all. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted May 5, 2005 Author Share Posted May 5, 2005 thank all of you-it helps to have others insite on your concerns. it gives me strenght. god bless,nancy c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 continuing in prayer for all of you to get through the wedding in a marvelous way. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy, I am so sorry I can really feel your pain through your desparate words. You are going through the most difficult, scary time of your life. Especially when that blessed accasion is coming up, that is suppose to be such a happy event. This has been dampened by the delimma your husband is going through. But you have to stay strong and make the best of a bad situation. Especially for Nicole, this is suppose to be the happiest day of her life. If Mike walks her or is wheelchaired down the aisle, it always will be such a wonderful memory for Nicole. That is her day, please make her feel that. Again, Iam so sorry you and your husband are going through this. Stay strong, you can do this. We are always here for you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted May 5, 2005 Author Share Posted May 5, 2005 maryanne, thank you-you are right -it is nicole's day. there is more to the story here--see michael is her stepfather since she was 11 but in her life since she was 8. she is 25 and she considers him the father that raised her. she absolutely demanded to her real father -that mike was going to walk her down the isle along with her real dad. she has stuck to her guns about that in her 16 month enagement and has told her real father this matter was not open for discussion. this was her wish. so it is so important that she have "both" fathers with her that day. thank you,god bless,nancy c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy: you and Mike have my continued support and prayers. May Mike get his stregnth backand make that walk down the aisle. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy.. I just have to say that if the onc says that this is possible, then the onc is probably right. One of my brothers was intubated and pretty much comatose with pneumonia and lung cancer. I did not believe for a moment that he was going to live beyond that day or the next. Those doctors agreed that they didn't know which way he was going to go, he was so sick. But, he pulled out of it and was able to take chemo. It made him weak, but also made him better if for only a short while. Enough though so that we could do a little more fishing and even some floating in the lake. We had barbeques and drives in the country. Mike may have some good time left. Medicine and even just a little time can do wonders. It is tough though, I know to have to wait and see. So, just have faith and hang in there. cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Prayers for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy, The love that Mike has for Nicole may well provide the impetus for him to get the strength to proudly walk her down the aisle. Keep pushing the nutrition, that can only help. I found crying and screaming in the car was very theraputic. Did get some strange looks, but pretend it is a sad song or heavy metal. What an emotional turmoil you are in right now. Try to relax and make the wedding a happy day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted May 5, 2005 Author Share Posted May 5, 2005 i can't say thanks enough to all of you; i cried myself to sleep last nite-but one of the first things i wanted to do this morning was check the message board. i pray mike has some more time left to enjoy some family times.i pray he gets stronger. this site is my strenght daily. god bless,nancy c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about your husband feeling bad when this should be such a special time for your family. We lost my Dad to lung cancer on Tuesday (Oct. 14, 2003) my niece (his granddaughter) was married on Friday (Oct. 17, 2003) and we buried my Dad on Saturday (Oct. 18,2003). I will never forget the emotions of that week but, we as a family pulled together and made it through. I am hoping that Mike will be there with your daughter when she walks down the aisle. What a testament to the kind of man he is that his step-daughter has ask him to do such an honor. I will be praying that things work out for your family and Mike is feeling better soon! Jean Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finster Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 I sure hope Mike is feeling a little better in time for the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted May 5, 2005 Author Share Posted May 5, 2005 thank you again for your support. jean,your are right -mike is an amazing man. and nicole realized that along time ago. he is so very important in her life. i talked to him this morning and the dr ordered a chest xray. he is so very weak and tired. i took off work today -i don't have it in me. i can't stop crying. mike knows i'm upset today and he said he needs me to be strong for him. i am trying and i will. i just couln't hold my emotions in anymore. i am so scare and i can't imagine my life without him.i am on my way to the hospital to be see him.i just want to sit by him and watch him sleep. this all really sucks. god bless all of you, nancy c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Nancy, I can so relate to what you are saying. All I wanted was to sit next to Earl or lie next to him in the hospital bed. It is so very hard. I always tried to talk to Earl normally, like there was something to look forward to. He had no problem talking about our past times, fun trips and experiences. He did not want to talk about the things we were missing, so we didn't. My heart aches for you Nancy, I know what you are going through. You feel frustrated because there is nothing you can do to change what is happening. You are scared and sad. I know. Just know that there are many cyber thoughts coming your way and many people that would like to make this journey easier for you. Use us here as you need us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyge Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Keep the faith - Its amazing how antibotics(phomonea) and IV can bring back someone's energy. Saw it recently with my dad. your in my prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trishnmiller Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Go ahead and scream. I'll be howling as well. My husband's MRI showed a new tumor this morning. he called to tell me on his way to a consult with the cyberknife oncologist...argghhh. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted May 6, 2005 Share Posted May 6, 2005 Nancy, Aren't we lucky to have found this forum? We add our prayers to all the rest. Love Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Nancy, You are all in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marchwinds05 Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 You are in my prayers also. Sure sounds like we are living the same life right now. We just went through all of this except no chemo. Home now, but still very weak are tired. I know all about your crying all the time. I think it has to do with deep love, friendship and not being to fix this bad thing. I think of you all, often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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