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Update on Brian----(news for 5/10/05)


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Please keep Brian in your prayers. He is having a rough time w/ round four Cisplatin/VP16. During infusion yesterday there was discussion of possibly admitting him to the hospital for a couple days to try to get a handle on things.

They gave him ativan iv push and instead of going from Decadron @ 10 mg for Wed. only they decided to give him 4 mg on Thurs and Fri additionally so he would not "crash" so hard.

Those things seem to have really helped. He is much more himself today. He actually ate some breakfast and is snoozing in his "big chair" till time to go for the last day of this infusion round.

The reality of what is really happening is beginning to sink in for us. As Brian says: "this is the real deal".

Brian feels so deeply close with all the survivors. He asked me to tell you that though he is not the typist of our team he thrives on the support we both get here.

Please know that we pray for each of you - survivor and family member - every single day.

We are really scared and having a rough time.

We have a few tough tasks in front of us:

Doc told Brian even if we are blessed w/ remission or some "really good time", he does not want him back at his machine due to the poor air quality that is a by-product of his type of work.

Brian is really having a bad reaction to that and is dreading giving the news to his employer and all the things that go w/ that............like picking up his tools and tool box and closing the door on 35 years of his life. Then of course, there is the financial impact of that action.

He wants to learn the best way to "cash" his 401 K and so on.................ya know I think the disease should be enough for all of us..............the devil truly is in the 'details' or in the accompanying "stuff" that results from the disease.

Please pray for us.

Doc ordered a CT scan right away again, he thinks "something is going on"?

On a happy note: the portacath is working well and has been a blessing.

Thanks for listening and for caring about us.

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Please add my prayers to your request. I'm also sending POSITIVE VIBES your direction. Hang in there Brian, as they say, "no pain, no gain"! :roll::wink: Or whatever! Easy for THEM to say, I'm guessing who ever said that, didn't do chemo!!

Hugs to both,


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Please tell Brian that, at least when I went thru the chemo, it was harder each time. It's sort of a cumulative effect in your body. I remember it being hard towards the end of treatment too. I had to have a transfusion and was very weak for a while. They gave me Procrit shots after the treatment to build up red blood cells. Tell Brian the "spunky woman" is cheering him on, ok :wink:


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Pat and Brian,

I just want you to know that you have my prayers, always!!! You never have to ask. I'm sorry Brian is going through such a rough time. This chemo stuff can be rough, as well as the total impact of the disease on our lives. Yes, I understand what you mean. My husband's oncologist told him from the very beginning of his diagnosis that he would have good days and bad days and on the good days he should do the things he enjoyed doing. He encouraged him to quit work if he could. Well, Mike quit work, but it really wasn't by choice, it was by neccessity . He is just wasn't strong enough to hold down a job any longer.

I hope Brian will soon feel stronger and the two of you will be able to find solutions to your concerns.



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Dear Pat & Brian,

I'm sorry to hear that there "seems" to be "something going on" and they are ordering scans. But our experience has been that the scans show everything is okay...hope yours will be the same. I will keep you in my thoughts and be praying that Brian's transition to his new way of life is an easy one. I know that it has been terribly difficult for Bill to be off work and have no plan to return, I can sympathize with you on every aspect of the "accompanying" stuff.

Best wishes,

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Hi Pat,

We've already talked in PMs, but I just wanted to say again that I think having to give up their work is sometimes the hardest thing to come to grips with. I hope Brian can come up with some gratifying hobby that will take the place of his work.

You are such a wonderful, loving wife and caregiver!

God's love to you,


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Pat-hang in there. It is hard to see your husband so sick-I know,it's been a rough week for me too. But we can do it and they depend on us to be their support. Keep postive and keep posting so we know how things are going. This site has been a blessing for me.

I didn't know how much I hated cancer until this week when things were rocky for us. It makes you want to scream, kick and yell! Why does this disease have to affect so many people and their quanity and quality of life! :? Just pray for the best and god will take care of you and your family. You are in my prayers. God bless,Nancy C.

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Hi Pat, prayers to you guys as you really can use some.

I feel so bad for all you are going through, You must be so scared.. but things will look up. Remember for every down there is an up. You just have to give it some time. I think the worse is the uncertainty of situations that seem to arise. Then you find yourself on the road of dispair. But you will get through this. I am talking about all the delimmas that go with this desease. if the need arrives, he should be able to get disability from the state and that will help alot. You will do whatever it is you have to do.

Just hang in there and know like I say so many times, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It just takes time for it to shine through, but it will.

You also have to give youself a little time alone. Even if its just a 1/2 hour, it will certainly help. Let's call it Pat time.

Go by yourself, find a quiet, nice comfortable place to sit for maybe 15 minutes. First, if you have, light some candles, maybe some soft earth tonesy music.(if you have) Make sure you are in a sitting position with your hands at your side, palms facing up.

Close your eyes and take deep breaths, let it out slow, just let your body relax....fill your body with white light starting from your toes up your legs, to your thighs, stomache, chest, lungs (linger in there a bit) up to the shoulders, down the arms, back up to the neck (turn your neck slowly moving it around in a circle) back to your neck to your face and to your head (linger) then out. Feel your body tingle. While you are visualing this, always ask for protection from your higher being.

Next take deep breaths again, let it out slow, picture yourself at your favorite place, be it the beach sitting by an ocean listening to the waves roll in and out, in a beautiful butterfly field or a lovely botonical garden, any place that you desire and just have fun there. Spash in the water, enjoy the sun on your face, listen to the sounds of nature. Just let yourself go. Or to be completely different, eating that delicious choclate fudge sunday, with wet nuts and the whippiest cream with a cherry, or sitting back and drinking that Pina' Colada, on a beach chair at a resort. Anything that makes you feel good.

Before you bring yourself slowly back to reality, picture Brian smiling at you, fill his entire being with the white light of healing and love. Always picture him healthy. Slowly bring yourself back by taking breaths in and exhaling. Shake your extremeties a little to help you become more aware. Open you eyes, slowly get up, take a drink of cold water, and seize the day!! Or night, whatever..

Believe me Pat this will make you feel so much better and able to cope.

I pray situations start to turn around for your guys. As I know as a caregiver it is as much our desease as it is theirs. We are a package deal, for sickness and in health. Please know. no matter what the outcome the man upstairs has in store, you guys have a love that is so strong you will endure... the future, no matter what.

Keep us posted.

Thinking of you both and will do a meditation for you tomorrow morning. Along with some of my other friends here. :wink:

Good nite, its 1:45 AM here... sweet dreams!!


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Pat, I echo all the others have said. This is not an easy journey and each day should be considered a success.

Giving up a job of 35 years is life changing, especially if not by choice. If he does, make sure that you apply for social security disability as soon as possible. You don't get it until Brian has been out of work 6 months.

Pat and Brian, I keep you both in my prayers.

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Pat and Brian,

We will be praying for both of you. You are an incredible caring couple! My dad just realized that he needed to "retire". He is now on the other side of that decision and doing a little better everyday. I think that was one of the hardest things he had to do, maybe even more so than the surgeries and chemo.... We just give him lots of odd jobs when he is feeling good (I had him plating a garden with my son yesterday :)) Just a new chapter!

Hang in there!

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I agree with Ginny on applying for the SSD right away. It will take you 6 months to fill out the paperwork..ok just kidding on that. You can apply online if that's easier. I believe he can get into his retirement account since he is over 55. His human resources person should give him the information.

Chemo is hard Brian..but you can do it. Hang in there.

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Guest marchwinds05

My prayers are with you also. I'm a new member, but everyone has been so nice and we all know how we all feel. My DH has to give up his job also. He now has a spot on his skull, messing with his vision. He also has had his job a really long time and loves it. This is all very hard and prayers and thoughts are with you.

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Pat and Brian: you have my prayers. At least the chemo is almost done, and hopefully the ct scan will bring good news. I am facing a possibly early retirement too, because I have only one lung now, and I doubt I will be able to work in the steep rugged terrain that my job often requires. However, my employer had been very accomdating so far. I have been doing office assigments.

Don M

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