Doughnut Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Hello all. I am not a patient nor a prime carer, just a very concerned friend. I have been lurking here since March 2004 and have read regularly. It's weird because I feel that I know so much about you all. My good friend Claire was diagnosed with SCLC limited stage in March 2004 and I was very fortunate to find this site almost immediately. She is a single woman aged 39. I held off on posting for a long time because Claire did not want to come to this site and I felt that in some way I would be betraying her if I did. I've passed on a lot of information that I've learned here and she's been appreciative but she still won't come here. I finally dragged out of her that the reason is that she is still smoking and she is ashamed of that. I have told her that she won't be judged here, I've printed out relevant threads for her (such as Uncle Doug's one recently) but still she won't come here. I can't make her obviously but I'm sad because it's such a great place and if anyone has any suggestions I'd be grateful. I even contacted a member here directly who kindly offered to correspond with Claire but she still wouldn't. Anyway, it's come to the point where I need support myself. Although Claire has had NED for some time she is feeling ill again and thinks the cancer has returned. Her next tests are on 10th June. Sorry that this was so long and thank you all for being here - it's a really fantastic site and has helped me no end over the last year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 You are, indeed, a true friend. You are just the kind we all need to have. Some of us are lucky to have that...others not. You are right, though. You CANNOT make Claire come to this site. Obviously you have shared with her that there are smokers here and they are not judged - only supported. If you could post some of the pertinent info on Claire...there are MANY here who would be able to offer expert advice on SCLC. Please just keep doing what you are doing. We will all hold onto the hope that Claire will want to come for supposrt and information as well. Until then(if then)continue being her good friend. Come here often for your well-being and your need. I am sure that, without even checking, there are already MANY on the board who will be praying for Claire - for her health and for her to join us soon. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Hi Doug, Thanks coming out, but I am sorry that you friend is feeling ill again. You are a great friend, I hope she appreicates that. You are welcome here anytime as we are always here for support. I hope in time she will change her mind and visit here. I pray her test comes back NED. Keep us informed. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LynneH Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Welcome Claire's Friend! I too visited this site long before I ever posted and my husband never signed on. (Of course, he was a little computer-challenged and never signed on to anything!) He did appreciate the facts/information/support that I received from this wonderful board and passed on to him and his doctors. Jim also continued to smoke and never did quit. I think I saw several attempts to cut back, but those were fleeting times here and there. Jim and I never talked about him needing to quit and his doctor never told him to even though he knew Jim continued smoking. I know there are differing opinions here but I always knew it was Jim's choice and the diagnosis and prognosis already dealt him a great deal of stress. Trying to quit a lifelong habit in the midst of tremendous internal stress and tons of treatment would have just added more misery to some of the quality he still managed to enjoy. I'm still a little shy posting but wanted you to know that I also loved and supported a wonderful, funny, smart, handsome, loving person who also felt undeserved guilt because he didn't quit smoking. You sound like a wonderful friend and I am thinking good thoughts that Claire's next tests continue to show NED. Welcome, LynneH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Welcome,I'm sure Clair is very glad to have you as a friend.There are several people who still smoke after diagnosis.There are many here who think that is not a good thing to do but still it is nothing to be ashamed of.She would be very welcome here and there is a lot of knowledge and support available here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Brian and I share the opinion that this is a safe place. Claire will be loved, supported and encouraged exactly as she is. Sincerely Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Hey Claire, I'm still smoking also. And not recieveing any treatment for my cancer. And, so far, have lived 4 months longer than the docs said I would. So drop that silly attitude and come on over a set a spell. Kick back and enjoy the wonderful folks that habitat this place. Now that there was a personal invite. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Welcome. I am glad you are here for Claire whether she comes or not. So like Dean says...make yourself comfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I'll have to call you Doug, doughnut was on my plate this morning and Frank wanted it. Claire has a good friend in you, you opened the door for her and when she is ready we will meet het. So, Welcome Doug and Claire. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Welcome, What a wonderful friend you are to Claire..Why dont you copy our responses and give them to Claire and then she can decide if it would help her to join our community... There is so much support and knowledge here and everyone willing to help each other so they dont have to travel this journey alone.. Even if Claire decides not to come here I'm glad you decided to.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 okay..I am sorry, I cannot help it this time. J.C. will call you Doug because of the Frank and doughnut thing (that you already know about) chocolate doughnuts to be exact. And I will call you NUTS, because of Addietude's beer Nuts...also relates back to Frank. I dunno...I think you may have to choose a new moniker. Well, Claire happens to be one of my all time favorite ladies names. Shame often comes with addiction and it is disabling to many. I am so sorry for her. As far as her thinking the cancer is back; something must be giving her some ideas along those lines? Or not. Many of us swear that we are about to receive the 2nd worse news of our lives and then are surprised to find out that everything is all right. What can we do to help you with this, Nuts? You are a good friend. Hoping for good news for her come June. Let us know, please. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Just wanted to say welcome to you and hopefully, Claire will join us when she is ready. As others have said, we don't judge anyone here. Our purpose is to offer support, caring and sharing of information. If we can't support Claire, perhaps we can support you if you need anything at all. You already sound like a wonderful support to Claire. Gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Claire is a lucky lady to have a friend like you. Tobacco use is an addiction. Most all of us understand that. Please tell Claire we would love to have her join us. And welcome to you, too, Dunkin (that's what my son called all Doughnuts when he was a little guy.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richinsdakota Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 You see, Claire...nothing but sincere,helpful folks here, who only try to help and support each other, and dont hold our tobacco addiction against us...Im still an addict too, after all my trials with this disease. (See bio info below), and noone here has ever put me down for still smoking, only offer support and good wishes for me. I cant quit either, for whatever reason, so come on in and we might as well relax and have a smoke while we learn and get support in our battle with this dang disease. Some of us are just never gonna quit smokin, so just concentrate on treatments and fighting the disease, ok? For that...this site and the folks here are invaluable. Join us...youll find friends here. Rich B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doughnut Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 Thanks so much for all the replies - nicknames as well, I feel so welcome! My sign in name was chosen because I happened to be eating a doughnut at the time I was trying to think of a a name. My nickname has been Dee for longer than I can remember. Thank you so much for your welcome and I'll let you know about the results on 10th June. It's a Bank Holiday here in the UK this weekend and I'm off to stay with Claire for some of it so hopefully I'll find her in better spirits. Dee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Welcome, Dee, We are so glad you have decided to join us. Claire is so very fortunate to have a wonderful, caring friend like you. In time, I hope she will decide to join us also. We don't stand in judgement of anyone here, we are here to try to help one another. As you know, there is a lot of love, compassion , caring and hope here. We are glad you are part of it. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Welcome Dee, Glad you found us and Glad you are there for your friend. That is a very admirable thing to do. Stay with us. Prayers for the best. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Well , good morning Dee for Doughnuts! Glad you accepted our nonsense in the pure friendly spirit! I have not given up on Claire. I think that she will have a good check up in June and that things will be all right for her. In the meantime, I am glad that you posted.. I was wondering which "guest" you were! cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doughnut Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 Afternoon Cindi (it's 4:30 pm in "sunny" England). You forget that I have a head start on you all 'cause I've been reading and laughing along with your "nonsense" for over a year now and I know that you especially have to be watched! I'm just glad I wasn't eating haggis when I signed in - stupid name that would have been... Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richinsdakota Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Oh, geez...another one here..hehe...between Cindy and some of the others here, my ribs already hurt from laughing some days. Oh, by the way Doughnut...dont ask if anyone uses those "silly" emoticons on the left there...hehe. Glad ur here tho...the more fun, the lighter the atmosphere. Rich B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 What's a haggy?? Is that something Cindi can serve at her bar as a snack? I imagine that is some kind of food that is served in England. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doughnut Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 Rich I have no intention of ever using those silly emoticons :roll . I've no idea what they're for and they seem pointless so I'm not joining in with that milarkey Maryanne, I suspect you're taking the mickey out of me but I'm not sure (if I were to use emoticons this would be a good place for it). If you really don't know what haggis is let me know and I'll tell you. Suffice it to say that should only ever consider eating it if you're shipwrecked and it's that or cannibalism Dee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I would choose cannabalism. My maiden name is "McCumber", so I know haggis. YUK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddys Little Girl @ 35! Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Hi Dee, I can relate to your friends guilt for smoking. I have been the smoker in my family for over 18 years not, pretty sad considering that I am only 35. But, the kids I grew up with all smoked, you just did it, never really even thought about it. But dad never smoked, so there is my guilt. Please tell Claire that there is not enought time in life to hold onto guilt. My advise is to print out this entire message board in this forum, invite her to dinner, sit down with her and just hand them right over to her over coffee and dessert. Maybe there is something else that she is worried about too that she is not ready to share yet??? Good luck! On a side note, being the nosey person that I am, I did a google on haggis, read on.... "a dish which comes from Scotland consisting of various sheep's organs cut up with onions and spices and cooked inside a sheep's stomach" Glad I'm Irish, I'll take a potato over that any day!!! Yuck!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.