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jcawork - Jen...please read this!


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I apologize, honey. I've been trying so hard lately to make you feel/be more optimistic...and I should have just been supporting and accepting you for how you really feel.

I know you'll say an apology isn't necessary...but I just feel like I haven't done a very good job of acknowledging what your TRUE feelings are...and instead, I've just been trying to make you "live inside" my head, as you put it.

You feel what you feel...and you have to move thru it in your own way...and if I've come on too strongly with my own way of looking at things...well, forgive me, will you? I expect I'll keep my own attitude for me...but I'll try NOT to beat YOU over the head with it. :roll: I'll encourage you...because I think there is lots to encourage and things may not be as bleak as you sometimes feel they are.

But I'll try not to sound so critical or judgmental of all the questions you like to ask....deal? :wink:

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Please allow insight from someone just outside this exchange:

It is so hard to get words down on paper/computer that say what is in our hearts, on our faces and deeply felt.

Others can only see the cold typing.......no facial expressions, no reaching out of our hands, no gentle hug, no loving glance...........can be conveyed. We all have so much we are trying to 'handle' and we all have so much love and concern for each other that sometimes the emotions running so high are misconstrued.

Jen, we all love you so much, and admire your battle thus far and want to help you and care and want to ease your pain and want to lift you up.

Addie, you are the very essence of what we all want to be for each other.

Each of us has our heart in the right place.

Each of us would give or do anything to help another family member.

Each of us bring our own temperment, history and burdens to this forum for giving and for taking.

I love you both so much. I admire your honesty. I love your passion and fire. I respect you each for being the best you possible can be coming from the exact place you are today.

It is so hard to want so badly to help and to only have a keyboard for a way to convey that..........

A keyboard

and Prayer.

and moral support.



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Amen, you both write so well. We all try our best to express some of the hardest emotions that a human can experience ,just by using a keyboard. There's a lot more to it than that. It would be so much better if we were all in the same room! Smiles and eye contact are definitely part of being us, huh!

Jen, I think of you everyday and admire your strength. Prayers and good thoughts to you always.


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You have to be kidding. No appolgy needed. No offense ever taken. We are classmates and I have looked to you for strength and guidance. You have been an Angel.

I know some people like the posts to be "positive" so we can all keep upbeat. I certianly like the positive ones and hate to read the negative ones, but I post how I feel and I am a question asker from way back to the point where I drive my medical team nuts. I have also had the nurses say "keep them on their toes, only you can control you case as they have hundreds of cases to manage". Unfortunetly for me as a Hospital Administrator, I settle malpractice cases every year. Docs make a lot of mistakes.

One of the greatest things the board provides me is real life, real time experience from real patients. Asking my Docs and Nurses is ok, but just not as good as getting it from the horses mouth. When I had the Cisplatin ear issue. I couldnt believe how many other people on the board had the same thing occur. My Doc made me feel "unusual", like it doesnt happen much. Well, it does happen, quite a bit and I had the proof.

Addie, I love ya girlfriend. Ya, we deal differently, but so what. Nothing to appologize for keep all that positive energy of yours going beacause I will need to make frequent withdraws to get through this- again.



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Congratulations my lady friends. You have so beautifully described the purpose of this site.

Jen, there would be no purpose served if people could only post 'happy' posts. This needs to be an 'honest' site, a place to share our feelings, to support others when they are down, to celebrate good news and to share any information we have to help others.

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Jen, Addie, Pat, Joanie,etc..etc..

This is the most gracious, sincere post I think I have ever read here.

Jen, your right about trying to post only good things, but in the real world we live in, it just doesn't work that way. The fears we face and our emotions run HIGH, it's very hard to be upbeat all of the time. Would be nice, but not real!

Jen, I admire your strength and honesty and I am SO VERY SORRY your ROAD has been soooo darn BUMPY with all the Ups and Downs you and your family have had to go though. As a Mom & wife myself, I know just what your HEART feels like right now and it's very very painful and scary. ((((((((JEN)))))))))))


My Sincere Respect to you All,


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Thanks, Jen....for letting me off the hook. But I do know I was trying hard to get you to be more positive....when what you really needed was support for what you truly feel.

If, at times, my positive outlook does you (or anyone here) some good...then I'm pleased to know that. BUT...I also know how frustrating it can be to try to express one's true feelings when someone else keeps telling you to "be" some other way.

Reminds me of the time I was grousing to DH about something that had really depressed me.....and he cracked a joke which, despite my sincere upset....I had to laugh at. Then I told him (tongue in cheek) that he "took all the fun out of being depressed!" :?

Anyway, my friend....you and everyone else is entitled to feel what they feel when they feel it. This isn't to say I'm not still gonna try to cheer you up once in a while OR try to help you let go of a negative thought that might not have a realistic basis.

But it does mean I'm going to listen better to what you're really saying, respect your mood...and just hope that once you're going on Topo...you'll FEEL better and BE better and then I won't have to make room for you in my head, which is already so crowded and crammed with useless stuff, it takes me forever to find the GOOD stuff! :wink:

Love you....

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