Doughnut Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I've just spent a lovely weekend Claire who I was glad to find in better form than her recent phone calls suggested I might. Claire lives a 4 hour drive from me so I can't just pop round for a cup of tea whenever I like. I have however returned angry and upset and wondered if anyone can shed any light on the following. By way of the briefest possible background I need to tell you a few things about Claire. Claire has remained resolutely single. She has a brother, a sister and fairly elderly parents. Her nearest family member lives 2 hours away. Claire is one of life's truly beautiful people and I mean that in every sense of the word. No night out is complete if she's not there .... you know the type. Claire's friends are her family. She has lived in the same city for about 14 years now (I left there 12 years ago) and she has a core group of 7 friends - male and female - who she does everything with. Claire has an extremely stressful job and pre cancer could be found out every night of the week in a restaurant or a winebar with these friends. Whenever I visited Claire in the past I always felt like I was in a wind tunnel. The phone never stopped ringing, the doorbell was always going and she always had a houseful. I suppose with hindsight I have noticed that she hasn't spoken about her friends lately but if I'd thought about that I would have assumed it's because she's not going out as much as before. I arrived at her house on Friday night. On Saturday afternoon my sister rang to see how we were and it was then that it dawned on me that that was the first phone call she'd had. I asked after the others (I mean they have been inseparable for years) and she gave me very non-committal answers so I left it. On Saturday night Claire said she was feeling up to going out and we settled on her local pub. I asked if we'd be meeting any of the others and she said that they'd be away for the Bank Holiday. I suppose I pushed her a tiny bit so she rang one of them (on her mobile)who said that the others were away for the weekend and that she'd just picked up her boyfriend from the train station and they were having a quiet night in. When we go to the pub - quite late really - Claire went straight to the ladies whilst I went to queue at the bar. As I was standing there 6 of the 7 of Claire's core group walked passed me on their way out of the pub. This included the girl Claire had spoken to and her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. I put my head down and I don't think they saw me. I haven't told Claire and I had the hardest time pretending all was fine for the rest of the night. I am so upset for her and now I'm worried about the support she's clearly not getting from those of her friends who are physically closest. She can't have fallen out with all of them. I really feel she's just been "dumped" by them. Has this happened to anybody else and if so how did you handle it? Is there anything I could do? Should I do anything? I have the phone numbers of a couple of them from when we organised a surprise party for Claire. Should I phone and ask what the hell's going on? Should I phone her family or should I leave well alone. Was I right not to say anything to her? I'm sorry that this is so long but any advice would be mightily appreciated. Dee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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