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louise

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I posted once in the introduction area. My s/o was diagnosed with sclc 5/1/03 with mets to liver, and refused to allow the onc md to tell him if it had spread any further and flat out looked at me and said, this is no problem,

He's finished his 3rd round of vp16 and platinol, gained the 20 lbs he'd lost prior to starting his chemo, his blood work is still near normal, he's had no nausea or vomiting. A few days of sore mouth and some mood stuff from too abrupt of a stop of the decadron which is going to be changed starting this next round. He is a little tired but not too tired to attend a party and help out to what amounted to nearly 20 hours, ..

ANYWAYY...... i'm a bundle of nerves.... still..

he had his first scan since diagnosis last week. we were pretty positive the chemo was doing something since we figured he would be a lot sicker if it wasn't and the doctor said the same. his tumor is /was fist sized and up against the trachea,

he saw the oncologist for the result of the cat scan yesterday and she said the tumor is almost gone.. she said she's amazed at how well he's responded to the treatment....aand she may scan sooner than she planned to this next time....and he may not need as many treatments as she thought either...

naturally we were happy, my s/o just seemed to be "i told ya' (although he was teary eyed at first) but i still feel like somebody has their hands on that carpet ready to rip it out from under us.

the old "if it's too good to be true it probably is" thing... but i won't tell him that because he won't even let me use words like "if"... it's when this cancer is gone... which of course i think is his right and probably what's making his attitude so strong and positive.

i think i'm going nuts

the thing is, the only other things that could have been better i suppose at that appointment were that the cancer was gone, or they had his cat scan mixed up with someone elses initially and he never had cancer in the first place, which we know won't happen.

he told me i have to relax.... i realize i probably won't ever really be able to do that totally again, ask me to do that in 20 years maybe... see what life is like then. because life won't ever really be the same, these terms came into our vocabulary that weren't there in april, tense and scary things are happening and have happened and will continue...

today i'll just enjoy dinner with him and look at those big doe eyes...

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Yes,

My dad has the same diagnosis as your S/O and we take things one day at a time and try to enjoy everything - whether he has 2 days or 20+ years - this is how we live this "new" life. We've been doing this for 10 1/2 months now so I do know how you feel. I still feel like I will go out of my mind at times and I do get sad, but I remind myself NOT to let that interfere with all the little things that are SO good in our lives.

Your S/O has the RIGHT attitude. He's a fighter and I do believe he can beat this one day at a time. Hang in there. Welcome to the board - We are here for you and pray for you both!

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Yes, every appointment is scary, but you have to enjoy and celebrate all the good news you get. For the treatments to work so well is a great sign and positive thinking will do the rest.

Wishing you all things good,

---Kay

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Hi Louise

I guess if he wants to talk he will bring the subject up. At the moment he is probably just concentrating on the fight.

Try to take one day at a time for not to feel outrun.He will need all your help.

Huge amounts of good luck to you both !!

Bettina

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THINGS ARE LOOKING UP FOR YOUR S/O. TRY AND GO WITH THE FLOW. YOU WILL HAVE GOOD AND BAD DAYS BASED ON HOW HE IS. DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN. IT MAY NEVER HAPPEN. IT JUST ISN'T WORTH THE WORRY.....ENJOY EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST.. GOD BLESS

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Thanks all. That's why I'm glad this board is here. I can wonder and ask stuff and do all my senseless blabbing here. Instead of in front of him. I am telling myself redundantly that nobody knows what will come tomorrow, with or without cancer so I should knock it off, and it's working. The thoughts don't enter my mind nearly as often as they did when this all started. Life is different, but vastly improved over the initial bomb when this started.

It all makes me wonder why we lived our lives waiting for "this friday, and next week, and "our vacation" instead of enjoying right now. because right now seems to be so good.

My best friend is also dying of breast cancer with mets to bone. I was afraid that I wouldn't know what to say to her as we talked at this stage, she's real bad. But we've been friends too long to be at a loss for words. I certainly don't want to see her go, but I sure don't want to see her live like she's living either. So it's a mixed thing. A sad thing though because it didn't have to be this way, she had a lumpectomy that was supposed to be nothing, no mention of mastectomy, radiation, chemo, was told it was okay and sent on her merry way, only to find 2 years later after pneumonia they found on an x-ray she was full of bone cancer. (?) What a mess.

I"m feeling a lot better these days... it's just been a lot for me and i suppose this post is sounding like it's all about me, but between my boyfriend and my best friend with the cancer, last december the young man i took care of forever who was a quadraplegic died of septicemia, in may my aunt betty who i'd been close to since a child died (of old age...but...) and my step dad of 30 years died of heart failure a month ago today. Last year I had a hysterectomy and they managed to stitch my bladder in there so I was off work with a big hole in my bladder for half the year... so the last 18 months have been difficult, and no i'm not makin' this up. :shock: BUT I"M FEELING MORE POSITIVE i really am....

And it is worth mentioning, that my aunt betty, had a huge sarcoma in her hip area in 1978 and we were told she would not survive 6 weeks. So she outlived that by 35 years after they treated her with cobalt. :!:

i've made it about 48 hours with NO tears... and counting

Louise

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You are doing extremely well after all this flying at you !

Grizzing always let me get rid of to much tension and Richard and I often used it as a pressure release valve...sometimes one does not even know how much tension sits inside.

I hope your own health has improved now ! That sounded quite horrendous.Many mistakes.

It does not sound like only all about you.... you are in the middle of it all, so no wonder.I tried to take every day as it came and time was still flying past when it was good.

Often words were not able to express feelings and touching said more.

I wish you more of the strength you had already.

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YOU KNOW LOUISE, LIFE IS REALLY HARD AT TIMES. ONE WONDERS HOW WE CAN GET THROUGH IT WHEN SO MUCH HAPPENS TO US. WHEN I WAS 36, MY MOM DIED OF LC IN AUG, IN NOV HER BROTHER, MY UNCLE DIED OF HEART, IN JAN MY GRANDMOTHER DIED OF OLD AGE,(86) AND IN MARCH, A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF THE FAMILY DIED OF A STROKE, IN MAY ANOTHER FRIEND PASSED AWAY OF CANCER AND IN NOVEMBER MY DAD PASSED AWAY. COME JAN AGAIN, MY DOG PASSED AWAY OF CANCER. THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW, I CRIED AND CRIED FOR ABOUT A MONTH TRYING TO FIGURE WHY ALL OF THIS HORRIBLE HAPPENINGS COULD HAPPEN TO ONE PERSON IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME. NO ANSWER. IT JUST HAPPENED THAT WAY, AND LIFE WENT ON REALLY GREAT FOR ANOTHER PERIOD OF TIME.

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