Need to get back to where I belong

[Nushka]

Carleen,

I was a little shy about reading your post because I was so afraid that you were alone. It was good to hear that Keith is still with you. I completely understand your need to be away for a while. The two of you were busy fighting this beast. Just know that we all missed you and kept you both in our prayers.

As for treatment, I know that many have gone through many before finding the key..the ticket...the miracle to keep them stable. I also understand why Keith would be so worn out with treatment. I agree with several who suggested that you follow Becky's advice and take a few days away. No house work, no meals to cook, no doctor appointment, no work. Just snuggle, hold each other and be greatful for the time you have together.

We have missed you very much. Many of us have wondered if you were ok. I am glad you felt like sharing with us. That is what we are here for and we will continue to be here for you. Take some deep breaths and close your eyes for a while. Get away and then make your decision together.

Nina

[shineladysue]

(((Carleen))),

You are such a loving, caring , wife and caregiver. I think many of us can relate to the feelings you have been having. This is a rough journey and none of us know why we have been chosen to go through it as patient or caregiver. A friend shared a thought with me, one day recently, and it has helped me many times. He said "there is a reason why this is happening to you and your husband. God knows the reason and God doesn't make mistakes. In time you will know the reason, as well" I have to keep telling myself God doesn't make mistakes and I must accept what is in front of us on this day and keep going. I believe God is a loving God and whatever comes to us in this, it is because he loves us . Maybe this won't help you, but as simple as it sounds, it gave me a lot to think about and gives me comfort. I also believe in prayer and that God is listening.

It's good to see you back Carleen. Vent all you want to and know that you are among people that truly understand. Know that you and Keith have my heartfelt understanding and prayers.

Love and Prayers,

Sue

[Connie B]

(((((((((((CARLEEN & KEITH)))))))))))

I was so very happy when I saw your name at the bottom of the screen yesterday, yet my stomach went into a knot.

I'm so sorry things haven't been going as well as you had hoped and as well as we all had hoped for Keith and for you too Carleen.

Along with all the others, I am very glad to see you back home here!!! You need us, as much as we need you my dear.

My sincere support and hugs to you and Keith.

[john]

Sorry to hear of the progression but glad to hear Keith is still with us.

[Ann]

Carlenn....It is so WONDERFUL to hear from you and Keith. Everyone has been so very worried about you and someone is always posting to see if anyone has heard from you. No apologies are needed for taking some time away from the board. I think everyone of us has probably been to that point at one time or naother in our struggle! I am so sorry to hear that things aren't going so good for Keith right now! He is so lucky to have you by his side! You're a very brave gal ! It's just so very good to hear from you again! Please, keep in touch with us! Keeping you both in my prayers!!!

[Alisa]

Your post broke my heart. My prayers are with you and Keith.

[mhutch1366]

Carleen,

I am glad to hear from you and Keith. I'm glad Keith is still putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

Prayers for you both, darlin'. We missed you.

XOXOXOX

MaryAnn

[Doughnut]

Hello Carleen. We've never "met" before. Although I'm new here I lurked for so long that I remember your posts from before you took a break. It's nice to see you back.

Dee.

[Cindy RN]

Carleen----

I am so glad to 'see' you back. There have been many that have wondered how you two were doing.

I am glad to see you post so much about what you are going thru. It does help cleanse the soul to vent.

I have prayed for you both since the beginning of these boards and so thankful we have a place to go to be among others who are going thru what we are going thru.

Remember when you feel your faith slipping that God has not left you, He is always there, holding us up.

When it is hard to pray, PRAY YOUR HARDEST.

Love Cindy

P.S. Love the pic

[teresag]

Hi Carleen, So glad to see your beautiful pic here again! I am sad that you've been through such h*ll lately.

You said several times that you are selfish; but I don't think so. Needing Keith, as he needs you, is not selfish. Hanging on in the face of adversity is not selfish; it's survival. You are doing what you need to do to keep going, and that is okay.

I hope that you have someplace where you can break down and cry and feel safe doing it. Your feelings are legitimate, you know, and they deserve a voice. You and Keith have been through so much. I hope that soon you both will get a break. Wishing you the best, Teresa

[LindaMRG]

Hi Carleen,

I dont know if you remember me, I have only been back a few times since my father's passing last March.

The times I do come back,I always look for a post from you to see how Keith is doing. Its good you come here to vent and I hope you have someone in your everyday life that you can vent to also.

As for people telling you to face reality, you ARE LIVING reality. If one spouse is meant to go before another, the surviving spouse has the whole rest of their lives to deal with that loss, no one needs a head start. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing, really what we all should be doing - enjoying each day together.

Glad to find you here tonight. Love to you.

[Lisa O]

Dear Carleen,

You may not have been posting, but you have been in my thoughts and prayers. Please don't feel the need to ask forgiveness for taking time to spend time with Keith away from the computer. We are here when you need us!

xoxo

Lisa

[Carleen]

Thanks everyone for all your support and words of encouragement. I have truly missed you.

I feel more positive and hopeful today, and I can only attribute that to your love and inspiration.

THANKS!

[elnodel]

Carleen,

I'm late, as usual, in welcoming you back. Let's hope that this is just the beginning of some good news for you and Keith and that he'll start doing better. In the meantime, you have our mass support and love and encouragement. Sending you all the positive vibes I have,

Ellen

[Calintay]

Welcome back! I have been her since Nov. Prayers for you and Keith!

[mayos]

Welcome home Carleen and Keith. You are surely traveling a tough road. I can now watch for your updates again. Try not to feel chained to the computer. THere are days many of us don't have the mental strength to take this awful disease on in writing. Bless you both...I can feel your love.

[SJAS]

Carleen & Keith,

I am so glad I checked in and caught your post. I am so sorry that you both are having such a difficult time. I'm having a hard time knowing what to even say to people anymore other than I care and I understand. We are dealing with some bad news right now also and my faith is getting shaky as I deal with my husband's new issues, and friends at home and here at LCSC all having such a rough time with cancer.

I am really glad you came back and understand about feeling guilty because of not being able to keep up with everyone here. I am in the exact same spot - but I know we have to focus on the things that are right for our family. It doesn't mean we don't care, it's just that it's all we can handle right now.

During the rough times, I think about my friend from church giving me a hug and whispering in my ear, "we do believe in miracles, we do believe in miracles"... and I keep trying. You keep trying too!