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Just a quick thanks for being there...


Daddys Little Girl @ 35!

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Today I read through some of the comments that you all have posted regarding me venting yesterday. I guess it is easy for me to come here and vent out to everyone knowing that I am hidden in the shadows of my keyboard. Love that!!! With that being said let me also say that I have not forgotten my daughter, I have not gotten swallowed up in a bottle of booze, I have not turned my back on anyone. But when I want to get a little selfish and wallow in self pity, then I'm going to.

That doesn't mean that I don't want to sleep all day, get swallowed in a bottle of booze, or turn my back on everyone and just runaway!!! That doesn't mean that the idea of sleeping away about the next 8 months (getting me past Thanksgiving and Christmas at least) has not been the most fabulous sounding thing in the world to me.

Then I think to myself that maybe I'm more extreme then others??? Maybe others are more extreme then I am and I just don't know it because I don't see it or hear about it. Really if we think about the grieving time that we give when a loved one dies it is so ironic. (No sarcasism intended!) We give years of our life perfecting everything we do but there is no time for something like this. I just don't get that???

Reading through some of the postings here has been liberating, painful, cleansing, and uplifting at times. Sometimes when I want to laugh I can just call a friend. At 3am when the family is all sleeping there is no one to call. That is when the burden is on me and me alone! And yes -- I am a night owl anyway so why should this time be any different?

Anyway, for those of you who replied to me and my babblings yesterday, thank you! I appreciate all your concern. Rest assured, I am still in the land of the living, my daughter and husband are still number one in my life, and I am trying to figure out the best way to be there for the person that this is more than likely affecting way more than anyone else right now -- MOM!

Any suggestions on what I can do for her is always welcomed. I want to be there for her as much as possible without smothering her too much!

Thanks again until later....

PS -- Day 2 at work was not as bad as day one. Life does go on and gets better, right?

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PS -- Day 2 at work was not as bad as day one. Life does go on and gets better, right?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. You can do this, one day at a time, one step at a time.

I don't think you are any different than anyone else. Grief is an individual thing - not only does the grief vary with the individual, it varies with who is being grieved. Hard to put a time on when you should be "all better" when every incidence for every person is different. Grief for a co-worker would not be near as deep as grief for a parent, and easier to "get through".

The thing about grief is that you DON'T get over and you can't get around it, you HAVE to go through it if you are going to begin to heal. It's a wound, and there are things that can peel off a freshly formed scab and start the hurt again - but each time, the pain lessens. The grief and loss will ALWAYS be there, like a scar. My husband assured me after my surgery that scars are beautiful, they show character and strength.

You will carry this scar with you through the rest of your life, but it won't always be this open and raw. Work on healing, and be kind to yourself.

Becky

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You're going to be ok, but it's just different for everybody. Don't worry if it takes you longer or shorter.

I am embarrassed that I can't give you the name of the person that said this. It was somebody on this board and this is the second time I've quoted them and wish they would write and take credit for this statement because I think it was just wonderful.

You will often hear people say that it gets easier with time, but this person's statement was a perfect response to that:

~~~~~~~~"It never, ever gets easier, we simply grow stronger."

You WILL go stronger.

Love and great big hugs,

Peggy

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It is so normal to feel the way you do. You had a very special relationship with your dad. You two shared so many wonderful moments together. More than your other siblings. So it is natural for you to grieve perhaps more than some of us.

My dad died at 91, five years ago. Though I loved him very much, I never had that closeness that you and some other people here, on this site, shared with their dads. So my grief was short lived.

My mom on the other hand, who is in the hospital and may not make it through the end of the week, is a different story. Like I had mentioned in one of my posts even though she is 94, it does not make it easier. I just can't imagine her not being around. She always was. So I am lucky to have had her all this time. But again, it does not make it any easier. So I know my grief may be like yours..

One day your grief will lessen, will feel like yourself again, and your dad and all the wonderful memories you shared will live on in your heart forever. The heart is love and that is where he shall always be.

His physical body is gone, but the soul lives on.You will see him again, when you time on this earthly plain is through. He will be waiting to help you with that transition and it will be a blessed event.

Peace be with you,

Maryanne

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I am so glad to hear that things are going a bit better for you today. I know you probably are tired of hearing this but is true that things do seem to get a little easier with each day that passes. That is not to say that the pain will ever be gone. It lingers and can pop ut at the most unexpected times. Some days will start out alright and then just the tiniest little thing can bring back so many memories and you're back to square one...if only for a little while. I know what you mean about drinking...lol!!! I have never been a drinker, so the bottle was no real place for me to ever find solace. But...I can share a funny drinking story with you. Dennis died on a Sunday. Memorial service was on Thursday. On Friday, I inventoried my refrigerator and pantry and found there was practically nothing around. I had no appetite but my son that lives with me had to eat. So...he and I ventured off to the store to grab a few things. This was my first outing since Dennis died. While he was so very sick, I would dash out to the store and just pick up what Dennis needed, which was anything I could think of that he might eat or drink. In my supermarket, the jello, puddings and yogurt are just about the first things you come to and those seemd to be what I had been buying. Well, when I ebtered the store and saw yogurt (Dennis's favorite) I lost it. Tears came pouring that I didn't even know where inside me. I flew past that area and the first thing I saw were some nice big bottles of wine. I thought that a glass of wine might be very relaxing...so...I bought three bottles. Nothing else was purchased...just those three bottles of wine. After crying twice more before I left the store, I made it home and started to uncork the first bottle. Well...needless to say...I got pretty crocked by the end of the evening. I cranked up the stereo, grabbed the framed picture of Dennis from the Memorial Service, held it tightly in my arms and danced the night away. My son, for fear I was really losing it, called hit two brothers to come over. At about 11:30, both of them charged through the door! I felt lousy the next morning but that wine, combined with lots of good memories and 25 years of love, sure did make one lonely night pass for me! I'm praying that each day gets better for you!

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