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Uncle Doug - The Human Rocket


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Journal Excerpt

Friday, June 17th God, in His infinite wisdom, has seen fit to grace me with a new and significant side-effect to the chemotherapy: flatulence. Or, to be more precise: intestinal gas. Not your everyday, run-of-the-mill, making-bubbles-in-the-bathtub, pull-my-finger variety of gas with it’s accompanying trill, much like the bleating of a small woodland animal, no, no, no. This marvel of modern intestinal distress is more closely related to the Kuwaiti oil field fires of 1991 – up close. If depicted on the History Channel it would be a grainy black and white movie of a marine on Iwo Jima, flushing Japs with his M2A2 anti-personnel flame thrower, from the Japanese point of view. . . and just as deadly. Take, for example, the tragic story of our late cat Puffy. Well, perhaps we should save that story for after the children have gone to bed.

Now, apart from the obvious medical consequences of such a disorder, there is the added drawback it presents in social situations. Walking around in mixed company, or any company for that matter, while imitating a walking tuba solo, has the effect of making a wallflower out of the most hardened social butterfly. I’ve been spending more than the usual amount of quality time alone in my room.

The CT scan results won’t be available until the 27th when I see Dr. Cox. Dr. Xuan is on vacation that week so they’re calling in the bullpen to go over the test results. As I’ve mentioned earlier a cancer patient follows scan results like a senior trader follows the “Big Boardâ€

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Doug, I think the anxiety and stress of waiting for scan results is a disease all its own, so I have named it myself. It is called scanititis. I think it's one of the worst diseases there is. We are all looking for a cure, so if you discover it, please share.

I will pray for good results.

And - about the flatulence. Well, with love and affection, all I can say is "Keep it to yourself, please!" LOLOLOLOL!!!



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Keeping finger's crossed for a positive CT, now as for your Flatulence why not just eat pine apple and play Hawaian Music in of course your own private area.......Oh just in case you do not like Hawaian music there is alway's other tune's HA HA HA......

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Doug,waiting for test results is a tough one.

As for the flatulence ( now I know what I have is called) I have some remedies for you.

When in Wal-Mart,let er rip in any empty aisle and then scurry to another aisle.

When in a congested area with no where to run to just let er rip,put a disgusted look on your face and stare a horrified stare at the person next to you and take two steps away from them.(everyone will think they did it)

While driving the car keep one hand on the wheel(left one works best),lift yourself off the seat with the other (right one),let er rip and hope you opened the window first.

I hope your waiting for results is rewarded with all good news.

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Doug, thanks for making me laugh, although the subject is terribly serious. (Cancer is, too, of course.) :P

I'm afraid I don't know many good remedies for flatulence, other than stepping out on the front porch to look at the moon now and then (and closing the door behind you). For some reason, going into the local Barnes & Noble usually brings on a case of it for my husband and me -- possibly because of the fish & chips we have next door just prior. At home, he often pretends to do laundry and leaves the dryer on with no clothes in it -- making just enough racket to cover unexpected noises. Sometimes I notice the TV gets rather loud, too. So far, our cat has been safe, but last night I noticed a smell very unlike violets coming from her direction of the bed... I had to leave the room... and go look at the moon. :wink:

Seriously, you have a great sense of humor, a fun way with words, and a great way of explaining things so others will understand. I'm crossing my fingers (and sometimes my legs, too) that all test results come back with the absolute best news, and that you and the docs will fight off every last friggin' cancer cell and keep them away forever.

Go, Doug, go,


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I think Frank has the idea, there's fun to be had here. shame you don't live here in NYC, there's nothing more fun that flatulence in a packed subway car at rush hour! ok, well, maybe a couple things as fun.

as for the scans, my thoughts and prayers are with you, as always.



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Uncle Doug...

I always wait to see what new and interesting take you have on this crazy thing called life. Gives both Mom and i a chuckle to read someone else as "sane" as we are!

Good luck with the scans...fingers, toes, eyes, and everything else i could find are crossed in iowa for ya!!!

By the way, i think we have some of those charcoal fliters for the tushie around here somewhere...but if gas is a side effect of some of the chemo...i'm thinkin we're gonna keep them!!! hhahahaha

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Guest Suzanne

Uncle Doug,

Thank you so much for making me laugh out loud!

Here's an idea -- Do you have access to a baby or very young child? Very effective for when you let one loose in public and then look at the baby, roll your eyes, and say, "Oh Jessica, say excuse me!" No one will know it was you!


Hang in there,


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Ahhhh.....so just recently when local papers in the east here, talked about Mt. St. Helens doing some rumbling again...it wasn't really the volcano? It was YOU, Uncle Dougie? :wink:

Your deliciously funny description of your gasseous difficulties and Frank's suggestions on how to cope notwithstanding, if one is sitting down on a wooden chair...flatulence can sound a bit like a dog growling. If you have a dog...this is a perfect "out" for blaming "someone" else.

Don't ask me how I know this, okay? But suffice to say sometimes I smile inwardly and consider myself a ventriloquist! :wink:

I hope you get a good report from your latest scans...and keep up that great, humorous Addietude you got going, Doug....cuz it's a winner for sure! 8)

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Frank's "remedies" are not so far fetched - my friend's husband was a star player in all of the senarios listed, so much so that she refused to go to the store with him.

Just be consoled Uncle Doug that you are not alone in suffering this side effect, I'd forgotten about it until I read your post and then it all came flooding back and I can't stop laughing about it. The look on my then 26 year old daughter's face was a picture when the music started on my side of the room!!

Thanks for lightening my evening, good luck on your test results.


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Hey Doug, God in His infinite wisdome has seen fit to bless you with a positive outlook and a humorous outlook. My husband has called me his little motor boat but so far has not decribed me as an exploding oil well. I take a product called immunasist which has by God's grace worked with the Iressa to get the tumor markers into the normal range. If I do happen to get worse I will start on the paw paw treatment. The chemo did nothing to shrink my cancer so I am not big on the chemical stuff they pump into me. God can use any situation and any circumstance for His glory. Will be praying for you and your family in this fight. Continue to tap into the immeasurable power of the Almighty God. pammie

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Doug I have not laughed so hard in such a long time. Thank you for that.

I know chronic flatulance is not a laughing matter... but then again it is (especially when it isn't me with the problem :lol: )

I agree with the previous postings that the problem could very well be the added digestive acid activity caused by stress, or caused by changes in your body chemistry with a new chemo drug; even if it isn't a known side effect.

In the mean time you are in my prayers. I'll keep my fingers crossed, you just keep those legs crossed :lol:

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