gail Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Attended a Relay this weekend, and found myself in a meltdown after the luminaire program. It left me feeling unsettled and I tried to share that with my dear sister. The question was asked of me if I considered myself "cured". I had stage 1 breast cancer in 1993, and considered myself cured following surgery and treatment. In 1997 I got a new primary breast cancer, and after surgery and treatment, I considered myself cured. In 2001 a nodule was discovered on my lung following pneumonia. Knowing that breast cancer can spread to the lung, I was very dilligent about following up with doctors. When it was removed, it was NSCLC, stage 1A, and was told stage 1A is rarely found, that usually lung cancer was found in much later stages. I answered the "Do you feel cured?" question with a no. What I said was today, I am cancer free. "Cured" doesn't mean anything to me. The response to this was, "Are you just waiting for another diagnosis?" My answer was NO, but I do not feel that with my history I can turn a blind eye to cancer. I am only alive today because I caught three separate cancers in very early stages. Meanwhile, my life moves on, and most of the time cancer stays in its room in my head with the door shut. It came out last night and caused a ruckus. But it is back away now. love you guys gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Love you, too, Gail. Cancer seems to peek out from its room when it is least expected........... I think it is good that you can frame your thoughts so well........you seem to be so smart and rational about cancer. It is only normal that emotions sometimes get ahead of smarts. You are awesome. We are here to help lean against the cancer door. Brat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Gail, love your attitude and your approach. Personally, I agree that cancer is not something that is "cured" but is "rid of" or "clear" or "not detected". It is being realistic but not dwelling on such. Thanks for your post. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Great post, Gail. Thanks for expressing so clearly what we with relatively early stage LC feel despite our lucky early diagnoses. Hangin' in there with you with my foot lodged againt the BIG C door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Gail: I am kinda leaning towars your viewpoint. I guess all it would take is another cancer, No! NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO! I used to take great pride and had great confidence in my immune system. After my first cancer, I felt like my body let me down and I was not so word not allowed sure anymore. But, I bought into the surgical cure and figured my life could go on. Then I had the second cancer. I am hoping that doing chemo afer the second cancer will make a difference, and maybe some of it was just missed the first time. I still am presumimng a cure with no more, never again, cancer. But, I am one of those who wants to have ct scans every 6 months for the rest of my life. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Gail. I really enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences in such an interesting way. Good luck and keep your attitude. Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Gail, I've heard here that many of us are "waiting for the other shoe to drop" - I don't think we are, but I think that we are VERY aware that the other shoe CAN drop. "Cured"? I won't know until my autopsy - I'm just planning that for a very long time out, ya know? Glad the critter is back in his room with a lock on the door - I sure hate it when the monsters creep into my thoughts! Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Gail, Yours was a prudent response. Some of us are more suseptible to cancer than others. Some are more prone to heart disease or diabetes. Choose your disease. Once you know where your frailties lie, it is reasonable to choose hyper-vigilance over your brand of illness. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Gail, I didn't even make it to the luminaria ceremony last night at our Relay....my tears started at the survivor's lap after the opening ceremony. It's going to take many years of no evidence of disease for me to toss around that "C" word, and even then I'm not sure I will. Maybe it would have been ok if only one cancer, but that second time was an incredible blow. I don't know how many times I can beat this back, but I can say that as long as I have some fight left in me, I will be fighting. I am also certain that being totally on top of my health will be a lifetime thing now. And, early detection is key most of the time. I watch people I know playing with their health all the time, overweight, high blood pressure, eating too much, drinking too much, ignoring things that I would be getting checked, and they just don't know the consequences. I guess that's the thing about a serious threat to your health...if you're lucky enough to survive it, you can work on having a healthier lifestyle. The other thing though, is that it's always in your head, waiting to come out and act up like yours did yesterday. Take care, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Thank you all for your thoughts on my post. I needed to get my feelings written down. I actually osted it to Bernie Siegel's discussion group as well--I am anxious to hear his thoughts. 2 weeks prior to the relay I spent a Sunday afternoon at the ER. When I had woke up that morning I was slightly dizzy. I let that thought register. Brain tumor? Last time I had been suddenly dizzy I had ended up in ICU with intestinal bleeding. I waited a few hours, knew it wasn't bleeding issues, and just decided to take it easy for the afternoon. Still had some waves of dizziness, and found myslef holding on to walls at times. It was when I bent over to reach the bottom shelf of the refrigerator that everything started to spin and go black. I got to the floor as quickly as possible and my head was still spinning. I had never, ever experienced this before, and knew it could be serious. My 19 year old came down and sat with his mom while we decided what to do. I could not sit up. I called a sister in Virginia who is a critical care paramedic and just short of her nursing degree. She walked me through several things and felt it was an inner ear infection. I thought so too. But my husband came in from the golf course, saw me on the floor, and called 911. Logic told me that my sister was right, but with my history, what to do? I had blood work, an EKG, and a CAT scan of the brain. CLEAR Inner ear-vertigo. Followed up with my primary. Missed the last two days of school Still some dizzy moments. Did I need the ER? My husband wanted me there, so we went. The ER doc felt justified giving me the head CT. I asked if it was because of my history, and he said he would have done it anyway. Just another day . . . gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Old post Today at 08:18 AM no one can ever be cured of life. it is simply a place and time i have just learned is for us to learn to relate to love. it never gets easy until you see the truth that we try hard to avoid. __________________ bernie siegelBernie Siegel's response Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Gail, A few months ago I started having some dizzy spells and also had vertigo. I was about to lose my mind when it started because I lost my Daddy to lung cancer with mets to the brain 18 months ago. My first thought when the dizzy spells came was brain tumors because of my Daddy. From experience as a caregiver for a cancer patient it sure makes you more aware of things that before you may have ignored. The doctor prescribed some "motion sickness" pills and the dizziness went away in 3-4 days and hasn't returned. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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