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richinsdakota

An overwhelming sadness...

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Life can be cruel, as many of us have found, and can sometimes reduce even a man to tears. Today for instance...

I guess ive been preoccupied with how to get things done around here, house maintenance, yardwork, etc., when I can still barely lift a half gallon of milk without feeling the tweek on the incision.

Just an ordinary day, today, thinking of things like that when the phone rings...Its Julie, one of my High School sweethearts. Wow, havent heard that voice in years. "Where were you?" she asks, she thought sure Id attend the H.S. reunion last nite, hoped to see me there. Geeeeez...I had completely forgot it was even happening, if I ever noted the date.

(H. S. reunions are the big deal here in smalltown, and she came from Tulsa to attend.) I used to never miss one, but just subconciously eliminated it after my surgery/treatment I guess.

Anyway, we had a nice chat, which took me back to those carefree kid days when we rode around town in my 47 chevy, listening to Elvis on the radio. (heh) We were so young and naive and just looking for fun all the time. We talked about the other best friends, etc....Then I broke the news to her of my L. Cancer, loss of lung, etc. Then she broke the news that she dx'd with non-hodgins lymphoma last year, chemo, etc. Sheez, does everyone get cancer? Is it automatic at our age? Seems that way sometimes...

Well, we hung up, and it suddenly hit me, how those vital young healthy kids we were, ..are suddenly old and all getting sick and maybe dying. I had a thought of driving out to see her, but the call had triggered it...the sadness, melancholy tears that wont stop all day. I was afraid Id break down and sob my heart out. I cancelled the drive.

I logged on to LCSC to catch up, offer what I could, and noted the posts of the passing of some of our friends here. The sadness deepened. The flood of thoughts continued; My 83 yr. old Mom recovering from her near fatal car accident...My Brother who refuses to take care of himself, withering away slowly. All of you here, and everywhere, courageously fighting these monster diseases,...all of us subject to the ravages of aging, ..etc.,etc. The tears just keep coming.

I hope noone minds that I post this rambling, lengthy comiseration, but I just had to get it out. And..Im ok..its not a deep depression with suicidal thoughts, just an overwhelming sadness that I feel today. Ill feel better tomorrow, but today...I just have to stand up and cry like a man. Rich B.

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Wish we could run over for a hug.........We get it, Rich, and we care.

It IS sad. Life can be so unfair and so hard sometimes.

But then I remember that you came here to let us know we are not alone in those feelings and tears and your friend called you because she cared and remembered and that is what keeps us going....That human connection.

Thank you for sharing your tears and hurts w/ us.

Love

Pat and Brian

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Hi Rich,

You don't have to appologize for rambling, ramble on. This is why we are here a shoulder to cry on if need be.

We are getting old and when we think about those carefree days of our youth when we were so full of life that nothing bad could ever harm us. We even did dumb things to temp fate because we thougt we were invincable.

Life isn't fair at times, but that is all we have. We are here on this earth, going through all the emotions, births, deaths, happy, sad, ups, downs etc.

We have to take each day as being precious as we know it could be taken away at any given time.

To look back on the way things were was a special happy time. But we have all had many happy memories through-out our life.

I just found out tonight that my mom cannot breathe without the trach, so we will be taking her off life support. Mind you she is 94, and was a ball of energy that danced her way through life. I mean that litterly she was a dancer. Was even dancing in her walker last week!

Anyway, right now I am very down, and crying all day, so at this moment I know what you are feeling.

Can I borrow your shoulder to cry on?

Take care Rich, tomorrow will be a better day, because its another day of celebrating life.

Be good to yourself,

Maryanne

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Rich: I know what you mean about the moments of sadness that sometimes come. They also go away. In the meantime, I think they offer an important connectedness to life. Take Care.

Don M

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Oh, my goodness. Hang in there you two. I'll be right back -- going out for kleenex. Nothing wrong with crying -- I'm just so, so sorry that you both have so much sadness to handle. Seems like we all do at some time or another. I guess that's the human condition. Like Rich says we all are getting older and the alternative to gettin' old is none too attractive, either.

Ok, I'm back with your tissues. Softpuff with aloe lotion so not to make the nose sore. Hugs and good wishes for both of you. Sure hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

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Rich,

Sometimes, it's not "Depression" - it's just an overwhelming sadness. It's okay to be sad, there's a lot of things in life that aren't "happy" things. Take the time to realize the sad stuff, to chew and swallow the vegetables, and then get back to the important stuff.

And remember: Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose.

Take care, Rich. You WILL weather this storm and this sadness will move over and make room for more happy thoughts and happy times.

xxoo,

Becky

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Rich,

I'm sorry you're feeling blue right now. I think we all have those kinds of thoughts from time to time, particularly when we're reminded of 'the old days' when we didn't have health issues to worry about.

But, I think we'd probably feel a little teary and nostalgic anyway about a conversation with an old sweetheart many years later.

Although this is easier said than done, and believe me, I know, I'd say to you it's time to spend more of your time celebrating life than mourning the old days.

I think too that perspectives get altered when you're dealing with chronic pain issues like you are. I sure wish you could make some headway in getting that under control. I know you're getting help, I just wish it would work for you.

Take care, friend, we all know how you've been feeling because we've been there.

Cindy

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Rich,

We all feel like that from time to time. There's

no shame in crying. This to shall pass. Good luck

and take care.

Mare

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Rich, I had a sad, weepy kind of day yesterday, too. I'm sorry, and I hope you're having a better day today. I just played my piano awhile, and that helped some. Hang in there and I hope you're finding thingis to smile about today.

BeckyCW

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(((((((RICH)))))))))

I have those days too! Just takes your breath away!

Not something we ever want to happen, but it kind of makes you stop in your track and take notes.

Hope today is better for you. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and classmate. ALL CANCER SUCKS!

And as for your sadness, I have to say this. Now days if a person feels sad, everyone thinks you might be depressed. :roll: My how times have changed. This too shall pass. I only hope it passes softly for you.

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Rich-

Thanks for trusting us enough to post such honest feelings. Sometimes just setting things down in writing helps. You held the mirror up for many of us. Hope you are now feeling better. Take care.

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(((Rich)))

It's ok to be sad. We all have times in our life that we question or mourn or the uncertainty of life itself leads us to sadness.

I hope today was a better day for you. Thank you for sharing this with us. Your post was so genuine and it tells me just how big your heart is.

There's nothing wrong with "standing-up and crying like a man". We're all here for you.

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Dear Rich,

I know the feeling all to well but I also know that it passes. It hurts so deep and all you see and feel is sadness and then you grab hold and take a deep breath and go on.

I wish you many happy days and years ahead and get in contact with you're friend again, it helps to have some one you can share those oh so special memories with. Life offers us all things and they were good times, there are bad times also as you know and are feeling now but you are still here and so is she and take that ride go out for supper and relive those times , also talk about whats happening today in you're life and her's. Talking helps so very much and I am glad you expressed yourself here where we can say prayers for happier days for you and just be a shoulder for you letting you know how much we all care and understand.

God bless you and you're friend Rich,

Jane

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Sadness seems to visit all of us, it seems. Yes, there are many sad things in life. I've tried to just experience them when they happen, feel the pain, give myself some time and then the feeling lifts. For me, anyway, when I feel good I try to really enjoy that feeling. It makes up for the sad feelings somehow. I hope you're feeling better today. ((()))

Joanie

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Thank you all for your kind responses and understanding. It helps a lot to hear from those who know where you are at, at times like that. Im a bit embarassed at posting my sad day...but only a bit, as I have learned that we are all overwhelmed by it sometimes, and its much healthier to let it out to someone. (Thank our lucky stars for this group !)

Yea, Im feeling better now, as I knew I would...it passes, and Im tinkering around the house today. heh. Gonna write my H. School friend (she's the type that once she meets someone, she's a friend for life...what a sweety. :wink: ) and relate how much her call touched me, being careful not to make her feel responsible for anything, but rather that she started a healthy catharthis for me.

My next scan will be Aug. 1, so hope I can post a happier report then. Take care, all, and bless ur good hearts. Rich B.

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Rich,

Glad you are feeling wee bit better,

many days are so long because we are

sad and the happy days are going by

so fast......still they are the same length.

Each day will get better.

J.C.

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Hi Rich,

Glad you are feeling some better. I always feel so much better after a good cry and men are no different, so when you need to.. cry then put that smile back on your face and always count your blessings as they far outway the bad.

God Bless you with happy days,

Jane

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Rich, you should be able to vent, be sad, anytime you want! You have always been one of the most uplifting, positive people on this board! When i read the title, I thought, "No, I must be reading wrong, it couldn't be the subject from Rich"...that's how positive you always are! It breaks my heart to know that you have sad days, (which you are allowed to have), but please write about it and get it out of your system so you can get right back to fighting and get back your mental energy back. That's great that after so many years you and your old girlfriend can keep in touch. That proves that you touch more people in your life than on this lung cancer board. I can tell you that if my ex called me, I'd hang up the phone! ha ha, just joking...well...no, not really. Please don't ever apologize for writing your feelings and thoughts. You are in a safe place here.

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