Connie B Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Dear Peggy, I am so sorry to hear things are going rough for all of you. I do hope things will take a 180 turn for the good real soon. I wanted to mention to you that, if your really concerned about Don driving, you might want to tell the Onc Doc about it. Sometimes the Doc's can tell the patients to NOT DRIVE at this time. In Minnesota the doctor's that feel a patient shouldn't or has health reasons not to drive will notify the DMV. And then they have there license pulled. I know that sounds harsh, but it's better then having them get killed or kill another family. And if nothing else, you might want to use this as a little lever when he drives and you don't want him to. Best wishes and continued prayers for all three of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Peggy, There is a part of me that totally understands what Don is doing. Admitting you can't do it must be excruiating and scary. I was out running errands and Earl noticed a bird feeder had fallen down. 12" of snow on the ground and the bird feeder had fallen down hill. Yep, he fell, slid all the way down the hill and broke his ankle. No fun being casted while undergoing treatment. What do you do? So hard Peggy. Don will fight very hard to not give up the everyday aspects of life. But so important that he doesn't put himself or anyone else in jeopardy. I hope the onc had some good news as to why this is happening, hopefully it is side effects from the drugs. Let us know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Peggy, I saw your post yesterday and didn't respond because it was later in the day, and all turned out well. I'm sorry that this is all going on with Don right now. I can relate SO totally with how he is feeling, as I am a bit "head-strong" myself (I prefer THAT word to stubborn jackass ). Actually, the incident with walking to the truck afterward instead of waiting is definitely me!! Your husband has been SO strong, I couldn't believe he was still working up until a short time ago, with all the treatments he had been undergoing!! This must be so difficult for him (and YOU)! You seem to be getting things under control though. (use duct tape rather than rope)! Perhaps if you keep stressing to him that this is just for today, and he doesn't look at it as a permanent thing, he will be able to relinquish some of his 'stubborness' about showing that he can still do things. I think that works on me in certain situations, oh, okay, I guess I can let someone else do it TODAY. Anyway Peggy, my thoughts are with you. Keep hanging in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Peggy, Don, Mike, We are praying and sending love and support and understanding. hang in there................... One small step at a time, he doesn't have to give up driving forever, jsut till he gets this checked out and understands what is going on. He can mow when things turn around. We hired our school teacher neighbor to mow 'for now' and we decided not to keep shopping for condos. for now. don can borrow some of our AA skills..........one minute at a time, do what is right for right now and the future will be well. God bless you, dear. We love you. Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LynneH Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Peggy, I now believe I was married to Don's twin brother. Believe me when I tell you that you will catch him actually chewing on that rope when he thinks you aren't looking. Just to show he can. Connie has an excellent point. With Jim's brain mets, he had some cognitive problems and double vision. However, before he came home from the hospital, I casually mentioned that "since he wouldn't be driving...". Whoa Sally!!! That went over like a ton of bricks. So, I did the dirty deed. When I talked to Jim's dr, I asked him to talk to Jim about NO DRIVING, if he also agreed it was best. Doc arrived at the hosptial, covered many things, and then forgot! Thankfully, Jim was facing away from the doctor and I (let's you know his attitude at that moment) so I innocently asked if there were any restrictions now that he had some brain involvement. All the while, I was gesturing wildly with my hands like I was holding on to a steering wheel. Doc finally got it. I'm sure Jim figured it out, but he complied with the doc's orders as doc reminded him that he could endanger others in addition to himself. Hopefully, you won't have to resort to such drastic means. Remember, tomorrow is almost here and you will get some answers, which always gives us a plan. I can send towels if you run out and you can also borrow Jim's rope even though it is shorter now. Please give us an update when you have time. Will be thinking about you, Lynne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted July 24, 2005 Author Share Posted July 24, 2005 Perhaps if you keep stressing to him that this is just for today, and he doesn't look at it as a permanent thing, he will be able to relinquish some of his 'stubborness' about showing that he can still do things. EXCELLENT IDEA, Debi! I sent you a PM. Same for Pat and anyone else that suggested this. Just for today, just for now. I'll try that. I think it might work. I really do understand this ego thing - we've all got one, so I do understand, it's the dealing with it that's hard. These ideas really help a LOT!! Thank you! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Yep, men will be men. Hang in there. For the sweats, ask the onc about Effexor -- it is an antidepressant that cuts down on sweats. Lucie is taking it. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finster Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Peggy, It sounds like you are handling things well. Hang in there, and I hope this situation improves soon. Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Hi Peggy, I am sorry I have not replied to your post until now. But you really have been on a roller coaster ride with Don!! Talk about stubborn I really hope you get some answers tomorrow, and will be thinking of Don and sending prayers his and your way way for tolerance. You are so incredibly strong.. Bless you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Dear Peggy, Again I am sorry about what you're family is struggeling with now. Reading you're post reminded me of my Brother having that strange ordeal at the DR's office with the nurse that he had no recelection of. He was also appaled and oh so embarrased when he pulled those gloves from his pocket. It is such a tough thing. That type of thing never occured again and I do think it was from low oxygen to the brain. However driving and his independence did play a major role until the day he walked into the store and back out again and I asked "what was wrong?" as he had not gotten what he went in for and he said he felt his legs were going to collapse. I went in for him and did not make any kind of disscussion about it. It is so hard to lose you're independence and is so humbeling. My brother also went through lots of sweating, so much that he had to carry a towel with him to soak it up. Alan was very small( skinny) all his life and was always cold, it was just awful to see him sweat like he did and you just knew his body was fighting so hard. You are all in my prayers Peggy. I love you. God bless you all, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 I am late posting but I am sorry for your terrible few days. Let me tell you--I have been there. Those men don't want to give up and they don't want us doing their jobs. They need to feel that we need them. Mike was so stubborn and re-cut the grass one day when I did it--because I didn't cut in the correct direction!!He was so sick and weak but managed to be on the riding mower for 2 hours. How crazy is that. Hang in there--he will drive you nuts--but gotta love them!!! god bless,Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Well Peggy, It does sound like Don is keeping you on your toes. I have seen some of what steroids can do to a person and it seems that many of the things that have happened to Don , have happened to Mike too. Mike has been on prednisone a long time and I believe Don is on Decadron. Decadron is even stronger. It can cause a false sense of well being, mental problems , as well as sweats. Steroids are famous for causing sweats. They are a wonderful medicine and oftentimes the only one that can help, but they do have their downsides. I'm not saying all this is steroid related, but I am saying I've seen a lot of this . The mood swings will make you crazy also. My Mike is such a kind, easy going guy until you get him around steroids, he becomes aggressive and very irritable. I always told him that they steal his smile. I'm all over the place with this, but my point is that it has been our experience that steroids alone may be the cause of some of Don's problems. The mind says "yes you can", but the body says "no I can't" .God Bless Peggy. Keeping my eye on you . Love and Prayers, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Oh Wow Peggy - what a wild ride you've been on. I know it's a fine line to walk to try to keep our guys safe and yet not take away their independent will that has done so much to get them through this. Glad Don relinquished the keys before you had to "take him to the mat!" Sending my love and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Peggy, My prayers are there for all of your family. My husband was a Stubborn Irishman but I learned early to change his mind when he wanted to do something to hard for him, I always had a small repair to be done immediately and only him could do it...........never lied or broke things as often but it worked as he was tired after and postponed the hard work that I had done later by a friend that just dropped by.... Hope all goes smooth for the rest of the chemo time. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Peggy, I just read this, sending good thoughts your way. Men can be incredibly stubborn creatures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jana_W Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hi Peggy Haven't been reading much lately so I am sorry my reply is so late. I am so sorry to read you have had a few tough times with Don. I really hope things settle out for you both. Jana xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Peggy, I am so sorry that I didn't visit the board over the weekend and read your posts about Don. Hun, as you know, I also had one of these very strong personality men!!! I have very little advice to offer except to say sometimes they get to the point of learning and accepting their limitations. You know, I really believe these guys are offering a st rong shoulder for us rather than ever leaning on ours. I think this is just a typical man thing. I remember when my grandfather became too old to accomplish many things he had done before. He would always be so reluctant to accept any help from anyone. I think it's a good sign that Don seems to be listening to you and taking some of your advice! Just take deep breaths and hang in there!!! We're all saying prayers for you and Don!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.