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Did I do something to make you all mad?


Tim'sKathy

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It seems like when other people post, they get a lot of responses, but just a handful answer mine....I know I have been here with a lot of questions about what Tim is going through, but to tell you all the truth...

I AM SCARED !!!

Tim seemed better when he was having chemo...now he is so tired he can barely get off the couch....don't know if it is still the Zometa, but I do know one thing...he is scared too. He told me last night that he had a long talk with God...and he admitted that he thought it was the cancer getting worse. I tried to point out to him that last week he was feeling much better...all his pain in gone...and the only thing bothering him was the numbness in his feet and fingers...that this extreme tiredness did not hit him until he had the zometa Friday....

Sorry if I seem too overly concerned, but I love him and he is all I have...and I have found that this is the only place that people REALLY understand what we are going through...

Kathy

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I don't think you did anything to make anyone mad, afterall that's what this board is all about - venting and getting reassurances from other people going through the same thing. I know I sure am scared every single second of the day and night. Some people have been around this board longer than us and probably more people know of their problems. Also, with so many new members I know I find it really hard to keep up with all the posts. Keep on posting, I think the least of your worries is that any one here would be mad.

Hugh's energy came back almost right away, so that was a good thing for us. I know from reading the posts here that isn't what usually happens. Our current setback is Hugh's face being numb and we should here sometime today about that I hope. I hate being at work today because we are in the process of moving our office to a different school building in another town and we will be shutting our phones off today to finish packing. My cell phone doesn't get service here (darn mountains). I'm scared silly that Hugh will get bad news and won't be able to get in touch with me. I plan to call him several times today. I may be out of touch for a few days due to the move. I generally check this board at work because it quicker (I have dial up at home) and also because when I am home I like to spend my time with Hugh not on the computer.

Chin-up Kathy! I am sending prayers, hugs and positive thoughts your way!

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Dear Kathy,

God Bless you, I am here and I am not mad at you.

I unfortunately don't know about or have experience with the treatments which Tim is recieving. Many times I don't read the posts that I can't help with. I think everyone here has something different to offer depending on their experience. My personal experience because of late detection has been very short and limited.

I do care deeply for all of the members and the battles which they are forced to deal with because of this dreadful disease.

I have seen others who have had very limited responses to their posts. I Have thought similar to what you are thinking while others get replies that seem to come out of the wood work. I do understand your fear I wish I could help you more but know that I am here and I am praying for a cure!

Hugs, Shelly

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Kathy I hope today your hubby is doing better. I know it took me a long time to get any stamina back. It could be that some are on vacation, or away for a few days, it's summer. boy I wish I could be on the beach at Cape Cod right now listening to the waves lap onto the shore. I guess I could listen to my "relaxing" CD , I have one with those sounds. Hope you have a great day. from a little home sick for the Bay state Donna

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Oh Kathy, speaking for myself I don't answer a lot of posts unless I feel I really can contribute something. I usually leave them to the people that can answer the question the best. Also, if someone answers the question or responds to a post and there's nothing else to add I think (like me) most people don't respond to it. I have been following your posts and hope all works out well.

I know this "wives club" sucks. We're all here with you, and we're all feeling your pain and fear.

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Kathy, I am sorry that I havn't taken the time to respond to your posts. I just feel so helpless lately. I feel like nothing I do is going to help, I have no knowledge of the Zometa that your husband is on, so I cannot offer any insight into his being tired. Only that extreme fatigue seems to be par for the course. Whether it is from treatment (which it usually is) or the cancer itself.

And there is NO NEED to apologize for being 'too overly concerned', you have every right to be. He is your love. I tell you, when I watch Fear Factor, I think-these people have NO IDEA what real FEAR is...they go through their little tasks, with medical staff readily available to help, they have all sorts of harness' attached to them when they do any feat that requires them to be at any height, thjey are working WITH a net, and if they loose, all they loose is a cash prize-which isn't actually loosing-seeing as how they don't have to, like, pay out of pocket the amount they were competing for (its not like a bet or anything). And they have the nerve to call these shows 'REALITY TV'. PUHLEESE!! Man, I'd eat some hissing cockroaches if I were told that my dad would be rid of this terrible disease if I succeeded.

We are living the REAL FEAR FACTOR. We, and our loved ones, are working without a net! They only net we have is our hope, our faith, and-thank God, eachother. This board is my safety net, and when things start to spiral out of control, or my fear makes me feel as if they are, I come here...

Someone in the media should check out these boards and follow a day in the life of the people here to show those poor suckers what it is like to have to get through each day DESPITE THE FEAR. That we must live each day and PUSH THROUGH THE FEAR, all this while still trying to maintain some semblence of normalcy. THAT IS REALITY!!

Sorry to rant. Kathy, my point is, you are never alone. Even if the replies are few, I know that I always say a little prayer for everyone here...even if I don't post a reply, I still check in on the posts that I didnt respond to. I hope that your husband starts to feel better, and I hope that you continue to come here and post, and that you have the strength to get through each day. I hope that this board helps you acquire the strength, I know it does for me.

Take care, my 'fellow contestants'...keep your eye on the prize...LIFE...and remember that this should not be measured in any number of days, but in what we do with each breath...how we spend whatever time we have...how we use this gift that God gave us, how we USE OUR LIFE...Deb

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Kathy, I am sorry that I havn't taken the time to respond to your posts. I just feel so helpless lately. I feel like nothing I do is going to help, I have no knowledge of the Zometa that your husband is on, so I cannot offer any insight into his being tired. Only that extreme fatigue seems to be par for the course. Whether it is from treatment (which it usually is) or the cancer itself.

And there is NO NEED to apologize for being 'too overly concerned', you have every right to be. He is your love. I tell you, when I watch Fear Factor, I think-these people have NO IDEA what real FEAR is...they go through their little tasks, with medical staff readily available to help, they have all sorts of harness' attached to them when they do any feat that requires them to be at any height, thjey are working WITH a net, and if they loose, all they loose is a cash prize-which isn't actually loosing-seeing as how they don't have to, like, pay out of pocket the amount they were competing for (its not like a bet or anything). And they have the nerve to call these shows 'REALITY TV'. PUHLEESE!! Man, I'd eat some hissing cockroaches if I were told that my dad would be rid of this terrible disease if I succeeded. And I know that everyone else that comes to this board would do the same for their loved ones!!! Or for themselves for that matter. My point, and I do have one, is this...

We are living the REAL FEAR FACTOR. We, and our loved ones, are working without a net! They only net we have is our hope, our faith, and-thank God, eachother. This board is my safety net, and when things start to spiral out of control, or my fear makes me feel as if they are, I come here...

Someone in the media should check out these boards and follow a day in the life of the people here to show those poor suckers what it is like to have to get through each day DESPITE THE FEAR. That we must live each day and PUSH THROUGH THE FEAR, all this while still trying to maintain some semblence of normalcy. THAT IS REALITY!!

Sorry to rant. Kathy, my point is, you are never alone. Even if the replies are few, I know that I always say a little prayer for everyone here...even if I don't post a reply, I still check in on the posts that I didnt respond to. I hope that your husband starts to feel better, and I hope that you continue to come here and post, and that you have the strength to get through each day. I hope that this board helps you acquire the strength, I know it does for me.

Take care, my 'fellow contestants'...keep your eye on the prize...LIFE...and remember that this should not be measured in any number of days, but in what we do with each breath...how we spend whatever time we have...how we use this gift that God gave us, how we USE OUR LIFE...Deb

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Kathy honestly when I go on here i go on at work mostly (bad yes i know) so i try to go through as many as possible, losse my place sometimes or soemtimes do not have any time to respond at all! I am here for you at any point you need me to be!

As far as his tiredness have you talk to the dotors about it and maybe ways to try to boost his energy?

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Ohhh Kathy, no ones mad and it's OK to be scared!! :(:(

There's just so many of us now, which is real good that it's hard to post to all, but rest assured you are not alone and Tim and yourself are in all our prayers. :):)

God bless,stay well and know you are not alone.

Bobmc- NSCLC- stageIIB- left pneumonectomy- 5/2/01

" absolutely insist on enjoying life today!"

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Kathy,

I second everyone, no one is mad. I am not able to get to all posts and when I do get to ones, my 15 month old is usually wreaking havoc in the house and I have to run.

I do think of you and your husband and keep you in my prayers. This is the place to come when you are scared. Everyone is here for you.

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Hi Kathy!

I'm sorry to all those I don't reply to posts. There are just so many of us on here and I wish I could answer to everyone. I access this at work so I respond to those that I feel I can contribute. I care about each and everyone of you on this board going through this.

Have you read Lance Armstrongs book? He offered my mom so much encouragement and I highly recommend it. My mom read it last month and she talks about him all the time now. Whenever she feels down she thinks of him. She has been watching the Tour de France all week and it reminds her to be hopeful.

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Hi Kathy,

oh how does one answer all the posts. i wish i had an answer for that one. also how does one read all the posts in one day. i know i for one am extremely busy each day. i need 50 hrs a day but only get 24. i know you have the same problems. your post here brought back a funny happening that i witnessed a number of years ago and started laughing out loud here in the computer room to myself. sometimes someone can be at the wrong place at the wrong time. no one knows how that does happen. i was reading some of your past posts and noticed in the last few days i only answered one. i sure don't know where i was for those others except they just got by me too. my funny story goes this way. many years ago i was sent off from work to a training session for 8 weeks. there were about 50 of us from all over the southeastern part of the u.s. one night one of the ladies decided that we would go to an all male show where the men dance in "very little". while they were dancing, one at a time, women were putting in $ bills in their little "G" straps. well, the first two came out and oh boy were they making the money. i was just watching. i had not released any dollars. the third one came out and was just as good at the first two but hardly anyone put in any $'s. i couldn't figure out why not. filling sorry for the guy, i put my $ in the strap.he only got about $5. then #4 comes out and it starts all over again, women putting in money. why #3 didn't get much I sure don't know, just at the wrong place at the wrong time is what I figured.

so maybe some of your messages have been at the right place at the wrong time with no real reason why.... i sure am sorry you hurt from that but no one here wants anyone hurting, not now not ever.. i will try and watch for you and if i can help i will be glad to answer your post.

one thing i want to say is fatigue is very common. my husband still has not built up any energy and it has been over 8 wks since his last radiation treatment. radiation really knocked him for a loop. he had three different sessions. is going tomorrow for possible chemo for the liver now. i guess it will play its toll too...hang in there and post your feeling all you want....God Bless.

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Kathy,

I am so glad you sent me a PM. I know some days when I get on here I am so depressed about Bill's situation that I feel I have no encouragement left for anyone. I never want to post anything that is insincere so I don't always post unless I can truly be helpful. So many times I start to read, start to cry, and have to log off.

This cancer is the pits. It is. Truly.

Hang in there,

Peg

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Dear Kathy,

The kind of fatigue I felt (even after chemo rounds were completed) was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was a kind of profound fatigue. I'd wake up each morning and started scheming about when I could get back in bed. Chemo, all the medications, fear and emotional upset all are exhausting. I think it's pretty normal to feel exhausted right now--and unfortunately it's normal to feel scared too. This is difficult.

I always read your posts with great interest. I am thinking of you and Tim and hoping for the best for both of you.

Ada

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My breast cancer chemo fatigue was like nothing I had experienced before. I was so tired all I wanted was my bed. I was too tired to even sit up. Then I started figuring how to pace myself, so I didn't reach that exhaustive state.

We are all listening to you.

gail

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Oh Im so sorry you felt bad about the number of responses. I pray for all of you every day even when I dont answer each post. I know what you mean about worry. Every minute of my day revolves around lung cancer. Praying for my father, thinking back, thinking ahead. Worrying how he feels today. Worrying will he get treated this week or will his blood be too low. Praying he will be eligible for surgery after the treatments are done.

Sending a hug your way tonight along with my prayers.

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Kathy, I think paranoia comes with the territory of this dreaded disease. We all need such attention, that when we don't get it, it affects us. My motto is, "Ask for what you need when you need it" and don't leave things to chance. There are many reasons people don't respond at a particular time. They are in a hurry at the time you post, they are out of sorts at that moment and don't feel up to a response at this particular time, etc. I know that the board has become some voluminous that sometimes I only respond if I feel I have something to contribute. Also, if a person posts a question and I don't have something to add, I normally skip over those and let someone with knowledge do the honors. So, no, noone is mad, I'm sure. And I hope you know you have much support here. Keep the faith. Don

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Hi kathy,

I, like so many others here, read almost everything there is on this site, but only post to a few. Sometimes its hard to say the right things. I find for me, even if I dont get much response to my topics I feel better just posting them. I also tend to read alot during my lunch hour which isnt the best of time and like Norme said there just isnt enough time in the day!

Tracy

p.s. you can see too how many people have viewed your posting and sometimes the numbers there are quite high...much higher than the postings!!

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Kathy..mad...no way..that is nonproductive and takes too much energy...I use all mine so I have none to waste!! You are terrific and I always read your posts...sorry to hear Tim's having a not so good time of it lately..if there is one thing I have learned it is that this darn disease is a rollercoaster ride...when Dad has a good day or calls and is up beat then I have a great day..when he is down then I have a yucky day...I always try to cheer him up and when he wants to vent or complain I just listen to him..he needs to tell someone how scared he is sometimes and how he wants it to be if he leaves us..sometimes it is so hard I have to bite my tongue to not cry..but loving consists of listening as well as talking so we ride it out together as a family..the good with the bad cause we are in this together and for the long long haul if we are lucky...I shall extra prayers for you and Tim tonight..may tomorrow be a bright bright day for both of you...know we all care and are here for both of you...keep strong and keep posting...love to you...sophia

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FIRST off, I have NO CLUE as to why anyone would be angry with you for any reason at all!

Speaking for myself and my family, we don't have alot of experience with NSCLC or zometa or iressa, and so I don't answer those posts, but I promise from my soul that I read every single word, and I keep you both in my prayers. It would be hypocritical of me to comment on something I really don't know alot about.

But I know about being scared. I know how it is to watch your loved-ones suffer, in pain either emotionally or physically, and how hard and draining and completely maddening it all can be! I am hugging you and hoping that you have people close by you to help you during this time.

If you need me, I am always here.

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((((HUGS KATHYY))))))

I too apologize for not replying to posts lately. I have to admit I've read all of your posts lately, and I've been praying hard for you and Tim.

But I haven't been posting much in the past couple of weeks.

I too have been feeling very scared lately. My ENTIRE world is being torn to shreds, and the love of my life, my reason for living, my soulmate, my world is so sick, and I have let my mental strength leave me. I've had unheard of rage, for me. And I've been so upset that I haven't posted because I've been afraid that I would dampen someone else's hope and spirit. I apologize because I forgot that what I am feeling, someone else out there is going through and would like to know that we are not alone.

Please tell Tim not to discourage and to keep his Hope. The fatigue that accompanies treatment can be such a mystery. For the first two cycles Keith received chemo, he had what I thought was fatigue (I now know better, because now I see real fatigue) because he would occasionally nap in the afternoon and would get tired easier than normal. After his third cycle, he was VERY fatigued within hours following treatment and that lasted almost up to the point of this next cycle, a month. This last round, he felt fine for the first few days and even went to work, and then BAM, a week later (today) it hits him like a brick. I am not familiar with Zometa, but I do know that all these drugs and treatment can do hard things to the body, the blood. Make sure he stays hydrated, and maybe have him checked for blood counts. Maybe Procrit is a possibility. I know how hard it is not to automatically assign all symptoms to the cancer, but Tim needs to remember that sometimes these drugs produce symptoms just as nasty or worse.

I am praying for you always, and truly hope all comes out well and Tim is back on his feet in no time.

Carleen

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  • 2 months later...

I also wish I had the time to read and respond to more post than I do!! I just don't seem to find the time. Darrell has only had one good week that he was full of energy and almost felt good!! Just enough to give him a taste of what he used to feel like!! We are hoping all of this bad feelings will mean good results in the end...We just try to take advantage of his few good times we have!! Hes felt bad since March of 2003, before his dx... and just 3 weeks ago or so he felt good for one week, and then boom he fell hard and couldn't even hardly get off the couch.. but he feeling a little better but sits and sleeps most of his days...Just hang in there!! and just know we all think of everyone on here and CARE!!! Time just isn't always there!! I hear hogs calling my name now (food)!! Good luck! Christy

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