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Today was not a good day


stand4hope

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Don had a rough day today. Every time they move him, his respiratory rate goes up, O2 goes down and heart rate skyrockets. He was having fast heart rate problems all afternoon from 145 to 180 (tachycardia). They didn’t want to give him medicine to bring it down because his blood pressure is also dipping quite low (70/45). Every time it would happen, they would increase his fluids and he would stable out with a heart rate of about 113-120.

In addition, the pulmonary doc told me that whatever is causing this alveolitis is really doing a number on his lungs and he is probably going to be on the ventilator for quite a while - at least a week. I lost it when he told me that. It broke my heart and was very hard to hear.

They tried to remove the ventilator this morning but the bottom fell out on everything and they had to put it back on. They were going to try to decrease the settings and support during the day, but they had to do the exact opposite and increased everything. The vent is giving him 60% O2 and 20 bpm.

They are hoping to get results tomorrow or Saturday, and if not, I expect they will be calling periodically to get verbal results so that we can hopefully have a better idea what we’re dealing with.

I left to come home and get a bath and go back up for the evening visiting hours, but they asked me to tell family no visitors - except me and Mike and that we had to be very quiet and not stimulate him in any way. They have turned the lights down low and want the room quiet to keep him stable and for him to have as little stimulation as possible. They didn’t even want me to tell him that I was leaving and said they would tell him the next time they had to go in and do something for him and they would tell him I was coming back tonight.

I can't hide it. I'm devastated. Just trying to keep my head up, the tears back and do the things I've got to do. I'm hanging in there, but it’s getting a lot tougher.

Mike is not taking any of this well at all. I gave him money to buy tickets to all the Brickyard 400 events, including the race, to keep him busy and his mind on other things. He hasn’t been up to see his dad since the ventilator because he has bad memories of his Papaw, and he just can’t handle it. It’s tough on all of us, but for some reason, Mike has never acquired very good coping skills and deals with these things with intense emotion, and anger. Please ask God to give Mike peace.

Love to all,

Peggy

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Peggy, I am sending up those prayers right now for peace for Mike, and blessings on you all. I can't even imagine how tough this must be right now, but know that I am praying as hard as I can that God will wrap his arms around you and hold you extra close. Love,

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Oh Peggy,

We love you so much and Don and Mike, too.

We are going to pray for you guys so hard tonight.

We only wish we could be there with you.

But our thoughts are there and our hearts.

Honey,

Go ahead and cry, and know we are here to dry the tears and all of us care so much.

Extra prayers for Mike.

Love Love Love

P

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I am so sorry to hear things are so rough for Don, you, and Mike. You must be just exhausted from the coming and going, the being strong for Don and Mike, and just the awful helplessness that goes with having someone you love in danger.

Crying doesn't mean you've lost hope - it means you're a very normal. loving human being who can only handle so much before the dam breaks. But you will rebuild the dam and find a second wind for Mike and Don.

When I was dx I was knocked out and had a ventilator breathing for me 100%; they told my husband there was only a 5% chance I'd ever get off the ventilator at all. But here I am 7 months later and you'd never know from looking at me that I was ever sick! Hang in there.

Here's a quote I found that somehow soothes me when I feel small and helpless and doomed:

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.'

------The Talmud

Leslie

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Peggy,

I remember the days in the hospital being so emotional because things have usually gone awry temporarily, or you wouldn't be there. I know your body must feel every minute like it is a day long.

I remember posting something I heard about crying. When your heart gets full of tears, life has a way of triggering a good cry so your heavy heart can feel a little lighter for a while. It's hard to carry around a big heart and even harder when it weighs alot with extra tears. Cry and help it lighten your load.

Remember to eat and nap when you can.

Lynne

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I'm so sorry you guys are struggling so right now. your words about Mike went straight to my heart, and I am praying for him, one scared kid to another.

I pray for your strength and Don's healing, as well. I like what Lynne said about tears. I've also heard them referred to as "liquid prayers".

love to all of you,

xoxo

amie

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Peggy, I am so sorry that things aren't going so well right now. I certainly will be thinking of you and keeping you, Don and Mike in my prayers. It really does sound as if Don is getting very good care. I know this is very hard for you but just keep reminding yourself how strong you really are. It's very hard on you right now, as you have to be strong for Don, Mike and then dig deep enough to muster up some strength for yourself. My youngest son was very much like Mike. He simply couldn't bear to see his father be in such pain and watch him go downhill. It was very hard to get him around his dad for long periods of time and I truly understood his pain. Our children always look up to their dads as being "bigger than life" and think they are invinceable. When something like this happens, they don't deal well...especially the boys! I just pray that things will get better for Don with each passing day!!! I'm here for you!!!

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Hi Peggy,

I hope today being a new day is a better day for your Don. I pray for progress in his breathing to improve.

This is a very difficult reply for me as Iam just so burden by all Don, you and Mike are going through. You are all so scared. I feel so helpless that I cannot do anything to lighten this heavy load that you are all carrying.

This is so hard, Peggy Iam so sorry but confident things will change for Don. I hope today is the day and there is some encourageing news.

I have a candle lit for Don and will send prayers out to you son, Mike.

Maryanne

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