MichelleZP Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 We saw the oncologist today and he said he cannot paint a pretty picture any longer. The Iressa failed. My husband's latest scans showed the cancer to have grown in its orginating lung and around his heart. I knew how sick he was as I see it 24/7. This is a man that a mere four months ago was out there, on chemo, but fighting and winning. It all just seemed to crumble so fast right before our eyes. Bob can barely keep food down, he lost weight, and today he was told he is not going to get any better and hospice is the way to go. Bob refused hospice and I must say I am quite upset as "I" NEED THEM too! We have home health now - a Bridge program - the step before hospice. I just hate this...I am sad and scared and it kills my heart to see my husband lying there fighting to hold food in so he does not dwindle down to nothing! He is sick all the time and he has accepted that there is nothing more the doctors can do, but he still thinks a miracle might come along and perhaps it will...one never knows. (sigh) The appointment today was for the family as his Mom refuses to believe any of this. SHE STILL WON'T accept it. I am talking to my husband about his last wishes and if he wants to be cremated as the social worker instructed us to do to "get it over with"...and his Mom calls and says he is going to recover 100% and go back to work full time. I hate it that his family is not on the same page with me. I feel like the "bearer of bad news" but I only report what the doctors/nurses tell me. I don't want to lose my husband! I would give up my legs if it would buy us more time! I HATE CANCER. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rayroy Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 Michele I hate cancer also. The best thing to do is to get ready for the worst, but still look for other options. Of course your husband needs to eat and get nutrition in the body. My dad cannot hold down hard or many solid foods. We usually make him chicken soup, mashed potatoes and gravy, spaghetti, oatmeal,etc. He also drinks prosure which has a lot of vitamins and minerals. It's very hard on our end, but do try your best for your husband. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karma1976 Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 Sorry that you have to go through this. BUT you know what your NOT going to be able to change your mother in laws mind at all. She heard what the doctors had to say so she can technically believe whatever she wants, it could make it harder for her but you know what I believe there was a chance when they said there wasn't and my dad was so so happy when I said oh well we go for a 2nd opinion right and he smiled and was like right he wanted that he wanted someone to NOT make him feel like he had no hope! I do not think HE thought he would end up surviving but I think it eased his mind knowing someone was still willing to look on the brighter side. So allow her that but she knows....I knew but I tried to NOT think about that one outcome cause it was too negative for me to focus on, cause you know what NOTHING prepares you for a death of a loved one NOTHING. so why drive yourself nuts when you can be enjoying the time as if it was any other day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 Michelle, so sorry for this bad turn. Karma is right -- make the most of the time you have, make it as positive as you can. You don't know how much time you do have. We should all live that way anyway, but those of us in the cancer arena know it all too well. My prayers are with you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 My heart breaks reading your story. I wish that there was something I could say to make everything better. I will pray for you and your husband everyday. Make the most of everyday. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christymike Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 I am praying for you and your husband also. Miracles can happen at anytime never stop believing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 Michelle, A special prayer has been sent for your Bob. The Lord says if we ask in Jesus name, our prayers will be answered. He is good and keeps his promise. Keep the faith and believe. God Bless Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Please know you are in my thoughts and I continue to keep you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 deleting all posts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmaizeinlv Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 Michelle, I am so sorry to hear the bad news. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. My friend lost her husband to pancreatic cancer about a year ago and his family was the same as you in laws. It is horrifying for my friend. I don't know if this is an option for you, but the hospice where I live has a support group for caregivers, even those who don't have someone in the hospice. I was referred there by the American Cancer Society. You've probably already thought of that, but I figured it was worth mentioning. Also, ALCASE has a phone buddy program that pairs you up with someone who has gone through the same thing. My very best wishes and special prayers to both of you. Terre Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 Michelle, Here is a hug for you ((((((((((((((Michelle))))))))))))))). You have been going through this for such a long time. I pray that your dear husband has some relief soon. Blessings to you both, Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 Oh Michelle, I know how you feel, my buddy went to the oncol yesterday and he told buddy what he can try on him. He didn't beat around the bush with him for my buddy wants the cards on the table then let him have his options. he knows that should all the various chemo meds fail, that he will be going down the same road as your Bob may be taking. None of us know who the meds will work on and who they won't so we do everything possible and hope for the best. When that road is at a dead end then we pray for a peaceful ending and hopefully will be greated one. I pray that if this is what is happening to your Bob that you hug him with all your might and tell him what i tell mine, that i will meet him at Rainbow Bridgeand we will pick up all our loved ones including all our animals who went before us. We saw a movie one time about RAinbow Bridge and my husband has always told me he would wait for me there and he hoped i would wait for him too. He knows i would if i go first and i know he will too. I have a bunch of tears coming down right now but i do find that so conforting that he loves me that much as i am sure yours does too. I have to close and get me some kleenex, i am the tear jerker or this board.... God Bless... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 I am so sorry for all of you; your husband, you, his Mother, anyone and everyone who loves him. I know you could use the support right now, and you don't feel you have it. I'm going to ask you to try to understand what may be her position. I said UNDERSTAND, not agree. See, she's his Mother, and no matter what his age he is her child. He isn't her husband. He isn't her adult life partner. He's her son. I have adult children. I love them as fiercely today as I did when they were small. I have to work very hard at treating them as I do other adults, because in my heart they are still my "little ones". When they hurt my first inclination is to comfort and reassure them. Even now. I just have to keep that "Mothering Reflex" in check. Sometimes I am not successful. I know that with all you have to deal with right now you really don't need any more added to your burdens. I just hope that by understanding where her heart is will ease your own heart a little bit. I wish you all peace and love. I hate this disease. Fay A. [/i] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 It is too bad for his mother as she will one day regret not saying things she should have said or helping support both of you during this time. You have to do what you know is best and let her live with however she decides to approach this. Best wishes. I hope your husband will change his mind about hospice, it's a wonderful program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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