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yeah, baby, yeah! has anyone seen my mojo? MOJO found!!!!!!

cindi o'h

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Hi all

Done lost my MOJO...whatever that is. Something went missing. Something changed. Temporary, I know.

Just read all your responses to Pamela's thread. Thanks! You are the best. And reading Don's gave me a brilliant idea! Maybe we can biopsy that spine instead of my lung and go from there! I will ask my doc! That was exciting to contemplate! Thanks, Don and Lucie!

Yes. Got the news that no one wants to hear. Fact is, I lost my mojo a few months ago. I had this inner confidence, a feeling that is indescribable really, that I was going to beat this thing. Well, that feeling left me a few months ago. Nothing replaced it, yet. I just don't have that inner "knowing".

Had another pet/ct with a diagnostic tool that is sometime used to quantify the intensity of the uptake. Dr. ordered this for me so that he can see what lights up the brightest and hoping for dimmer over brighter.

I have been going around and around in my head about what to do. Going out into the future. Planning the end. Thinking about a will. Who gets what. Who is going to have to do what etc. Sorry to sound so morbid, but, that is part of my reality.

I think about the med that doc. suggested. I told him about Peggy's Don. And I know a few others have had troubles with it. I did talk with Justakid when I got home and I did shed some tears. She has had good luck with it.

I told doc that I don't feel up to chemo. I feel I have to get my lungs in better shape before we do it. He suggested that my lungs are not in good shape because of the cancer and that maybe the chemo would make them feel better. Who's to know?

Haven't heard back from him. He said that he would call with the results of the pet/ct. I expect a call tomorrow.

I still have to have the pleurdesis. Either the talc or the drain to stop this fluid accumulation.

Well. The good news is, I'm not tits up, yet! :P

Also, did not want to post this in light of all the tragic news we have had around here recently. But, it is what it is, I guess.

love, Cindi o'h

And thanks for all of your support!

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I'm so glad you posted this. We all love you and want to be there with you. If not there, let us be here and reach out to you in cyberspace. One day at a time Cindi, that's all anyone can do. Keep us informed. Praying for dim lights and that maybe you can talk to him about the biopsy Lucie had. It's good you posted so folks can give you some input. You shouldn't do this alone. Love you.



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Dear Cindi,

You poor thing. I can tell from your post how absolutely terrified you are. I couldn't shut down this computer and go to bed without taking the time to tell you that the surgery (open lung biopsy - VATS) was not what caused Don's death. It was the chemo.

They don't know why or how yet, but they do know that it is rare. It can happen with any chemo, but is extremely rare. The chemo destroyed his air sacs (alveoli) just like it destroys cancer cells, and it did it quite rapidly. The lung tissue became so stiff so quickly that the oxygen couldn't get through and into his blood, even with full ventilator support. It was very unusual. You haven't heard anybody else on this board that had that happen and you hopefully never will again. Again, it's extremely rare.

I know that the VATS procedure is pretty common and normally doesn't cause serious problems. You will have the usual post-surgery crap, but there is no earthly reason why what happened to Don would happen to you. You MUST believe that.

I love you, Cindi. God loves you, too! Please keep on keepin' on.



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I'm so sorry you had this news, it makes me sick.

I wish there were something to say to help. I don't even have advice because I know nothing about the spine. I'm glad Don has some advice on where to start.

Please know I'm thinking of you and I will be checking this post very regularly hoping to see some more advice like Don's.

Your wonderful sense of humor is one of things that kept me coming back to this forum when I first joined. I know you will get your positive attitude back and things will begin to look up for you. Praying with all my might.


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Hi Cind,

First of all, glad you posted.

What I said in my other post I mean from my heart. You must fight, I do not want to hear these end of life issues... wills etc. That is not our Cindi, all is not lost here, just a setback that will turn around with treatment.

You must fight young lady, and I mean it. You just can't lay down for the 10 count, you must get up and fight this. You can do this. I know you can.

You will find your "MO JO" and get it working again!

Prayers to you my friend,


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I'll be on the lookout for a misplaced mojo. In the meantime remember that we got your back! We'll fight with you with ferocity. (I've kept it a secret up to now, but I can be pretty ferocious. I'm known in some circles as 'Vicious Val.')

You are so very much loved. Please know that. Do what you need to do to feel ok with this news. Thinking about plans and such is ok... Just remember you don't need to use any of those plans any time soon. I expect you to stay in the NTUC (Not Tits Up Club) for quite some time.



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Well crap, that's all I can say.

So glad that the N T U Club is too exclusive to accept you, nobody wants to join them anyway - heard they're a real snooty bunch!

Just keep taking those deep as you can do it breaths, we're all behind you to prop you up until your mojo is back in place.

take care


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Hang in there! This is a setback and one that you'll find a way to bounce back from when you're ready. In the meantime, we're here to support you! Your mojo is simply on re-charge! :)

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone.


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We will all look with you for your MOJO, must just

be misplaced somewhere, somehow.

Can't lose it.

You are on the right track, evaluate what you want

and think is right for you and go for it.

We will be keeping you company, holding you,

pulling for you and cheering with you for all

the steps in the way to better health.

Go girl, GO.



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Hi Cindi,

I'm glad to see you back but sorry you didn't get better news from doctor. My Dad had the tube put in for the fluid around his lung about 3 weeks ago. They tried the talc but couldn't get it to work. His lung was too damaged from the radiation. The tube really is not that bad. It is easy to drain and he only drains if once a week. Doctor said he may even be able to have it removed in a few months. Surgery went very well and he stayed only a few nights in the hospital. He was up walking around the next day. Not much pain either and my Dad is a big baby when it comes to pain. He hardly even took his pain meds.

What type of chemo is the Dr. Dudek suggesting? My Dad has had two cycles of Alimta and Avastin. We just had report that it seems to be working. Small shrinkage in lung tumor. He will have two more cycles and then CT/Pet. The chemo is very hard on him but we will continue. Dr. Dudek really seems to care about his patients. Maybe you should try the chemo for a couple cycles and see if it helps.

You are in my prayers.


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I think I found your mojo... it's a bit dusty and worn out and really really tired but with some rest and understanding and TLC I think it will be back to full swing in no time.

You have been through so much. Sometimes it is ok to just take a break and not try to serve up drinks or jokes or smiles. Anger and frustration have their place for a limited time.

I wish you well in your decision making. Think things through and think out loud here so we can be a sounding board. There are more options that will come to light. Get as many opinions as you can.

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Wait a minute, Lisa ! How could you possibly have found Cindi's MOJO where you are? I found it here in Florida this morning. It was lying, all stretched out, on a really nice section of beach. I immediately recognized it as belonging to our dead Cindi, so I struck up a conversation. CM (Cindi's MOJO) told me it was merely on vacation, soaking up some well needed sunshine. CM said it will be returning home to Cindi...probably as early as today! Oh...you wouldn't believe the thong that CM was wearing! Heads were turning all over the beach!!!

Anyway...that's the scoop, Cindi. MOJO should be home soon and ready to take on the world, after all this R&R here in Florida!!!

P.S. What time is the bar opening today? This has been one hell of a week for me and I'm ready for a tall drink with GinnyD

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Hi Cindi,

You haven't lost your mojo. Your mojo has been working overtime. You are always, and I mean always, here for everyone. It's just a little tired now and needs a little rest. It's called being human. Everyone has days where we are not upbeat and bubbly.

Everyone on the board respects, and loves you. We will always be here for you as you have been here for all of us.

Wishing you well on the decisions you need to make.

Best Wishes,


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You're looking for your Mojo...and I'm looking for mo' vodka! :roll::)

Cin...we just have to hang tough, I guess. More roadblocks...more obstacles...more treatment. But we're still here and have some fight left in us, eh?

Sending good thoughts your way, which I know you'll reciprocate.

I'm not ready to buckle yet and I know you aren't either.

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cindi! first, I am so sorry you have more fighting to do. second, I am so sorry I didn't respond to pamela's thread, suki's mojo toko a hit this week, too.

the great thing about your losing your mojo is that you are so loved here, we have it for you! in a beaker! to use on your behalf when needed (wait, does that make me fat b*stard?)

we're here to support you. if you need to look to the end to be able to get to the business of the present, that's fine by me. just let me know how I can 'show up' for you, like you've shown up for me.

in the meantime, I am praying.



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Well, I think I've stopped with the cuss words enough to actually post now...

I know you recently asked about my boss. I'm thinking maybe we can have him try to sniff out your mojo, you know how good he is at this kind of stuff. No joke - He just found a stain in the carpet today, was able to determine it was koolaid, and now wants us to do our best to find the guilty culprit (probably by the big koolaid stained smile they are undoubtedly wearing) so that we can give them a disciplinary action for spilling their drink :shock: !!! I'm thinking if we send him on the trail of your missing mojo, he will surely find it....

Anyway Cindi, you know I'm in your corner over here cheering you on. Thinking of you girl, and knowing you will bounce back with a vengeance !!!

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okay okay...

I can't stand it anymore!!

Thanks all of you!

Geez. talk about the roller coaster!

Weds. when I saw the doc, he was pointing out all of the mets on the ct including the one to my spine..T10. I could see what he was talking about. I even had the radiology report in my hands. Doc was talking bad news. Sorry. And all that.

He wouldn't do treatment without a biopsy. I didn't want a biopsy because the surgeon said it was high risk. I asked him what the differential diagnosis would be. He mumbled something about a virus and then some inaudible word about the spine thing. He ordered the pet/ct with the suv and said take it one step at a time. Well. Today at 5:00 on my answering machine, he left a message saying something about "good news" and no biopsy needed at this time and then he used the word, "miraculously"....(he is from Poland, so I don't catch it all even though I play it over and over).

Anyway! Done found the MOJO! I see him on Tues. for a face to face. And then I will see what is up some more. Thank you for all of your prayers love and drinky poos! Something worked! Now I am committed to finding out why I feel so dang bad! (pulmonologist time?)

Can you believe this??? It is a roller coaster!

love, Cindi o'h

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