elkiesmom Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Gary plans to go to work tomorrow. I think he is crazy and I have tried to talk him out of it since he can work from home. he has only been out of the hospital for 10 days. Today we went out for brunch and then a quick trip to the supermarket and he is spent. I told him this and he said that he is 62 and doesn't want them to forget about him. I understand this but as I told him would he rather see him the way he is now? He said he will only go in Monday since every other day next week we have doctor appointments. Any suggestions? Lorrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 I know you're worried about him over-doing it, but, maybe, going in to work will have a positive effect on Gary. If it is so important to him, then I wouldn't try to talk him out of it. He may assume any fears he has about never being able to return to normal life again are true and lose hope And losing hope might be more dangerous to him than getting over-tired. You can always ask him to "humor" you and compromise by planning just a few hours back at work instead of the whole day. He can tell his co-workers he has doctor's appointment the rest of the day. That way he can "save face" if he really does feel too tired to make it the whole day. No sense setting himself up for "failure" - remind him, when you set the bar too high, you have to be prepared in advance to accept something less than 100% success. Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Don't know about Gary but my husband is a workaholic and working is very fulfilling for him. Perhaps this is also true of Gary. he may feel better mentally and emotionally if he is working. Let him go work. If he feels too bad he will come home or his fellow workers will probably get him to go home. Working may be the best medicine for him. praying for you both pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkiesmom Posted August 14, 2005 Author Share Posted August 14, 2005 Gary said that if he got tired he would come home and I know he will. He does love his job and was told numerious times to come back when he is well. I had hoped that he would have waited until his first post op visit which is this friday. All the other doctors appointments that he has next week he will work from home. But you all are right this just might make him feel better about himself. Lorrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 I think going to work is a way of coping for Gary, and gives him some control of his life, since cancer took a lot of that away. Be patient. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 I know that when I was home from surgery, I wanted to go back to work as soon as possible. It made me feel like things were getting back to normal again. I went back before i was ready, but I think the 'push' I gave myself did me more good than harm, especially in the psychological sense. I knew I could come home if I had to, but getting back to routine things rather than laying on the couch all day long was so good for me. Just my thoughts, of course, but I understand where he's coming from. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trishnmiller Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 My husband's work is how he stays connected and mentally "out" of his disease. He gets away from family and home and into another reality...it is soo good for him. I can't imagine that he would be doing as well as he is if he didn't have his job. We are truly blessed that our signifigant others can still work. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 Isn't it odd that work can seem a place of refuge? At least it is part of a person's "normal" life. My mom "works" as a full-time volunteer at my kids' school cafeteria, and she can't wait for school to start up again. Working keeps her mind and body on a schedule, and she can interact each day with people she likes. It keeps her busy, and saves her from dwelling on any problems. Good luck to the two of you! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 I hope Gary's return to work goes well, and it's not too stressful for you! I too struggle with balancing this kind of stuff with my mom. no words of wisdom, just know I understand. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Our guys can be really "strong"...can't they? Apparently, going back to work is something that he needs to do...for Gary. I know how much you worry but you have to let him do some of these things that make him feel useful. I really do know what you're going through with this but you have to take a few deep breaths and give him a little space to make some of his own decisions. If he goes to work and then realizes he can't handle it, he will then be able to decide - on his own terms - that he isn't able to go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkiesmom Posted August 15, 2005 Author Share Posted August 15, 2005 I really do know what you're going through with this but you have to take a few deep breaths and give him a little space to make some of his own decisions. If he goes to work and then realizes he can't handle it, he will then be able to decide - on his own terms - that he isn't able to go back.>>>>>>> I not only am taking deep breaths I also have the phone in my hand at all times.I am just so thankful that the rest of the week he has doctors appointments so he can only work from home. This am his chest tube site was leaking a lot so I hope I did a good job bandaging him up so he will not be embarrased. Lorrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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