shelliemacs Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 well to say the least, I am exhausted. I came home today after being in the hospital 49 straight hours with mom. She has been in 8 days now. got there Tuesday night and she was in allot of pain. I was not sure if it was from the crap hospital bed, the pneumonia, the collapsed lung, or the cancer. Either way she cried, very hard. My heart was ripped out of my chest. So I went to the nurse told her the pain was a 10 and that she had to get the dr. to give her something strong. 10 minutes later the first of many morphine shots arrived. Mom was asleep with in 10 minutes. She kept waking up and asking what time it was. Then I got really freaked out. She started talking to her twin sister....who died 4 years ago. Conversations, long ones. her eyes were closed the whole time and I sat there and listened. I was scared. I kept thinking that when my aunt died 4 years ago, the last words she said were "moms here" my gram died 5 years before that. So I thought great they are here for her and she is gonna die any minute. I left the room many times in the last 49 hours to bawl openly in the family room. Moms room is the last room before the hospice rooms and guess what every single hospice room was full. This cancer is an awful awful disease and no one is immune from it. then they came and took my mom to surgery to try to put a stint in her esophagus to harden it against the tumor and put the feeding tube in. She said "Maureen will you sit on my shoulder the whole time" Maureen is her twin who passed away. again I bawled. this morning when our priest came in to again bless mom. he said to her, Maureen is looking out after you. mom simply patted her shoulder, like aunt mo was still sitting there. so is there life after death? does this mean my aunt is here for my mom? is she gonna save her life? Is mom just hallucination from the morphine? I dont know. mom does, but she is semi consious so I guess I will never know. Now some people were upset with me over my being so angry with god and saying I didn't believe anymore. I got hurt by the fact that people judged me, I fealt they did anyway. But when faced with such overwhelming bad news, cancer is back, pneumonia on left and right lung, then left lung collapsed, then stint could not get by tumor, then feeding tube was difficult cause mom is so thin now. and mom is in agony all the time. Put yourself in my shoes and watch your best friend suffer and see how angry you all get. not that it matters, but I did make ammends with god and apologize to him and started praying again, but not because of what anyone here said, I just did it because my mom would have wanted me to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.