New Medications for Women

[Ann]

New Medications For Women

D A M I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the

memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-andro-tic for single women. Increases resistance to such lines

as, "You make me want to be a better person .... can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Can also be slipped into a husband's "Hungry Man Dinner," rendering him jovial at the prospect of paying for said shopping spree...

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,

anniversary or phone number.

A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N

More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome- when administered to a husband, it alters his consciousness, making him think he's made whoopie for 48 solid hours, thus sparing a wife considerable wear and tear.

R A G A M E T

When taken by a wife, provides the same satisfaction as ragging on your husband all weekend, and actually having him complete all his "Honey-do's!" When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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