Thank you all but I still have a problem.

[Dixie]

Well I would like to say thank you all for the replys. But not one of them said why it was still ok to smoke when you have Lung Cancer. I love my family member very much and I will always love him but lets all get real He needs to stop smoking just like for example.

1. People that have heart attacks we don't give them fattey foods.

2.People with diabetes we dont give them sugar

3.people with lung cancer we dont give them cigs

I know you all say just take him to chemo and be there and support him and what ever eles you all said it was the same thing over and over again. The one thing no one said or came clean with was that they are still smoking and do treatments. Are you ashamed to say who you are in case the people on the board say really that person is still smoking.

I say that if the cancer patient is unable to make simple decission as to weather or not to smoke I am here to say are they able to make any decision regarding there care plan.

So everyone that answered me except for one man who said he gave it up should I asume you are all still smoking. So let me see how many of you can come clean and tell it like it is. I have read so many things on this board regading so many different things but no one is really talking about stop smoking. You would think it would be talked about alot. I think you guys hide that dirty little secert but then on the other hand you all say nobody cares about this diease well I can see why.

I am very caring and I love my whole family but I guess I am the only one who will say it like it is and it is horrible that you all want help and support from your family but you keep smoking. Yes I know it is my job as a family member to be there and care and I do. I don't talk about this to him all day not even once a week but I know he knows what he is doing is wrong.

So let me see if I understand everyone that replyed you all think I should just be kind and understanding and not say anything well I guess that is why Lung cancer is the number one killer of all cancer's nobody is talking.

If I had to make a choice to live longer or die smoking there would be know choice unless I was on to many meds to make that decision then I would hope my family and friends would do the right thing and not let me smoke it is called tough love. I use to smoke for 10 years and it was hard to give up I really never had a reason to do it but my god if I had Lung cancer it would be the first thing I did.

Again thank you all for replys but nobody really came clean and told the truth so I am thinking that you all are to ashamed to say yes I am still smoking and I see no problem with it.

I will be there for my family member and I will stand by him regardless but I can not stand by and say nothing to the people on this board if I can't get my family member to quite then maybe I can get through to someone eles

I am thinking of you all and hope that one day this site will no longer be up and running meaning that they find a cure. I think this has to start with telling people to put down the smokes and who better to let people know then you guys. Go to your local schools and share what you are going through and know that you did something to help someone eles from getting this diease.

I know not everyone that has lung cancer got it from somking but I do know that 85 per cent did and that is to many.

I am thinking of you all today and hope you are all doing ok today

[Don Wood]

I don't think any of us who replied to you said it was okay to smoke. What we said was, you have made your point to your loved one, and all amount of nagging isn't going to make them change. What you need to focus on now is helping that person get through the treatments, appointments, etc. That is where the energy should be put. Don

[cindi o'h]

I don't say this too often to folks, but in your case, I would like to be even more straightforward in my point to you.

I am assuming that you are not to the age of wisdom as of yet, or you would have already "gotten" it.

The point is, try not to control what another person does. It will make you feel horrible. Acceptance of any other person in total is the key to joy and happiness.

I saw my surgeon yesterday since seeing him after almost three years. He did not ask about smoking. He said he remembered everything about me. He remembered that two of my brothers had died at very early ages from lung cancer. He remembered that my Dad was a cropduster.

We had the best visit ever. So sweet.

Try to put some love in your heart. Please try to find it somewhere. Life is too short trying to control the world. Life is too short to be wasted in anger and fear. The opposite of fear is love.

These are just some of the little things that I learned from my old sage boss.

Try forgiveness too. For yourself and others.

No big deal.

Best of luck to you in your journey! Would love to hear how it turns out for you! Hope as good as mine!

Cindi o'h

[Treebywater]

I am sorry that you don't feel that we heard you, and I'm sorry if you don't think we're being forthright. You might note that I quite plainly told you that my Mom continued to smoke after diagnosis, but was eventually able to quit.

I'm equally sorry that you didn't seem to hear us. As Don said, our bottom line was that we hope your anger about smoking won't get in the way of your unconditional love and support for your family member.

Regardless, we're here to support you.

We don't do the 'evils of smoking' stuff here much because at this point in the game it's a moot point. There are many here who NEVER smoked. Many who gave up smoking LONG before diagnosis. Lung cancer is not just about smoking. We're here to fight the cancer, fight for our lives and the lives of our loved ones, and love on one another and offer support in the process.

It's obvious that the subject of smoking cessation is a passion for you. There are many, many outlets out there for that. Plug in and voice your passion, by all means! I just don't think this board is the place for it.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so angry. This stuff is hard.

[ginnyde]

My husband had stopped smoking 3 1/2 months prior to his dx. When dx'd, he did not go back to smoking. But, with my blessing and with me buying the cigarettes for him, he did go back when the disease had come back with great force. At this time, he no longer enjoyed food, he know longer enjoyed a drink, he could no longer concentrate so reading and movies were no longer enjoyed. The ONLY thing that gave him any pleasure was smoking. Did it cut his life by a couple of weeks, maybe, who knows. But it did give him pleasure and I would have done anything to give him pleasure. I don't think a couple more weeks of living with no pleasure was worth me refusing to support his smoking. Even the hospice nurse agreed and told me to let him do it.

So, I think you are preaching to the choir here. We all know that smoking, drinking, eating fatty foods, driving fast, bungee jumping and crossing the street without looking is detrimental to your health.

Remember the saying too about walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Be kind to him, love him and support whatever he needs to do to face this disease and its' treatments.

[Kasey]

My dear Dixie,

I usually try very hard to stay away from controversial topics...smoking being one of them. I could not, however, let your post pass this time.

I do not have in front of me at present a list of those who responded to you previously. But I CAN tell you that I did the chemo, the radiation, the surgery, and the followup chemo and did NOT smoke. I would venture to say that most, if not all, who responded to you did not smoke during their treatmenets. That said, I would like to further comment.

You are right that we do not give heart patients fatty food, BUT some heart patients DO eat that way. We do not give diabetics foods that make their blood levels become dangerously out of sync, BUT I have seen SOME diabetics make bad food choices. I have two friends on cholesterol medication and I see them eat MANY of those foods they SHOULD be staying away from. My point is no one is GIVING those things to them. It is their choice. As it is with cigarettes. No one is GIVING LC patients cigarettes, but SOME may be making that choice for themselves.

So...do I not be friends with those high cholesterol gals? Do I shun the heart patient eating the cheesburger? Dixie, I think perhaps you are in need of a different site than the one we have here. We here support everyone wherever they happen to be on this journey. You obviously are not finding it within you to be able to do that with your family member. I am sorry for the both of you. Perhaps look for an activism site. You sound like a passionate person and your zeal could certailnly be put to very good use.

Kasey

[Addie]

Excuse my bluntness....and this comes from someone who QUIT SMOKING FOUR DAYS BEFORE I WAS DIAGNOSED AND STILL REMAINS SMOKE FREE AS DOES MY HUSBAND....

....but who died and put you in charge of things?

Your attitude is extremely superior. You come into OUR HOUSE here...a lung cancer SUPPORT community...not a place of judgment....and you judge us!

So everyone that answered me except for one man who said he gave it up should I asume you are all still smoking. So let me see how many of you can come clean and tell it like it is. I have read so many things on this board regading so many different things but no one is really talking about stop smoking. You would think it would be talked about alot. I think you guys hide that dirty little secert but then on the other hand you all say nobody cares about this diease well I can see why.

Why must anyone "come clean" with you? Just because you want to insist on it? What makes anyone's business or habits here, YOUR business, other than that you seem to feel entitled to ask? And in any event, this is...I repeat...A SUPPORT COMMUNITY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LUNG CANCER. It's not a smoking cessation site, where I bet they do a lot of talking about stopping the habit. Why don't you find one of those places and inflict your vitriol upon them?

I am very caring and I love my whole family but I guess I am the only one who will say it like it is and it is horrible that you all want help and support from your family but you keep smoking. Yes I know it is my job as a family member to be there and care and I do. I don't talk about this to him all day not even once a week but I know he knows what he is doing is wrong.

You may see yourself as caring...I see you as judgmental and you also sound very young to me. Like teenager young or perhaps just slightly older. But not fully mature, because I think if you were, you'd see the error of your attitude. If your uncle knows what he does is wrong...then leave him alone.

Right or wrong, he has the option to choose for himself and being judged by you isn't going to change that.

Again thank you all for replys but nobody really came clean and told the truth so I am thinking that you all are to ashamed to say yes I am still smoking and I see no problem with it.

And you know this how? You know that "nobody really came clean" because you're psychic, too?

I am thinking of you all and hope that one day this site will no longer be up and running meaning that they find a cure. I think this has to start with telling people to put down the smokes and who better to let people know then you guys. Go to your local schools and share what you are going through and know that you did something to help someone eles from getting this diease.

Oh, so now you don't just want to judge and try to shame us...you want to tell us how to live, too? To go to schools and talk to students? How do you know that nobody here does that already? And how about you going to donate your time to speak of the evils of smoking? Why don't YOU do it? As for me personally, I'm too busy right now with chemo and radiation..but when my time frees up a bit...how do you know I won't go speak out?

1. People that have heart attacks we don't give them fattey foods.

2.People with diabetes we dont give them sugar

3.people with lung cancer we dont give them cigs

What's this "we" stuff, Tonto? Are you now in charge of the World Food Bank too? What we actually DON'T DO...is we don't have the GALL to go up to someone with heart disease and badger them about how many Big Macs they ate that week.

We don't go up to people with Diabetes and accuse them of keeping an Angel Food cake under their bed and sneaking slices all day long.

And if you really want to rail on who gives people with lung cancer cigarettes...then start writing the tobacco companies over how they lied to all of us for years in order to get us hooked. Over how - even now, with more adults quitting - they are targeting teenagers. Investigate the power of the tobacco lobby and all the money they have.

And then start looking into how much money is spent on researching new treatments for lung cancers compared to other cancers...if you really want something to complain about.

I fully realize that the tone of this post is angry. And I am not an angry person...but for a bit of steroids coursing thru my system at the moment....not that I owe you any explanation, as your posts have been pretty angry themselves.

Maybe because the internet is "anonymous" and your uncle and probably the rest of your family doesn't want to listen to your diatribes any more...you feel free to come here and judge, criticize and accuse us.

Well...you aren't welcome to do that. It's a good way to get yourself banned. We've got enough on our plates right now that we don't need you popping in to add insult to injury.

Isn't there somewhere else you could donate your time?

[LCSC ADMIN]

I have read so many things on this board regading so many different things but no one is really talking about stop smoking. You would think it would be talked about alot. I think you guys hide that dirty little secert but then on the other hand you all say nobody cares about this diease well I can see why.

Everyone who is here -already knows that smoking kills.

It is redundant to preach that here.

Smoking is the cause of about 85% of lung cancers. There is much importance to no-smoking and stop smoking cessation programs...but the fact is, even if you quit- you are STILL at risk. What then?

There are millions of smoking cessation programs and millions of dollars that go to fund them and virtually nothing going into lung cancer research and support.

At LCSC, as a non profit organization, we know that there are organizations who focus on smoking, prevention, and cessation programs. MANY of them. We leave that to them.

There are virtually no programs or support systems for people who have been diagnosed with lung cancer.

That is our focus.

Supporting people who have been diagnosed with lung cancer- emotional support and by providing as much information as we can and bringing together survivors and family members who can share their experiences with the disease.

There is no dirty little secret.

There are no secrets-

This website is dedicated to lung cancer support .

Many of your replies came from non smokers or never smokers. No one said it was ok to smoke.

People who are addicted to nicotine will only quit when they are ready. It has been said that nicotine is more addicting than heroine- so for many people it isn't simply a fact of throwing them away or just stopping in a snap.

My father smoked the first 6 weeks after his diagnosis. I hated watching him. But I knew that this was his life-

He was strong enough to quit smoking 6 weeks later and it helped alot with his breathing and he tolerated chemo so much better.

and He still died.

What you said in your postings about smoking may be very right in theory- and I agree with some of your points--but do you want to spend what (potentially) little time your family member has left being angry with him?

I'm sure there will be posts from other members, so I'll end now.

[pammie]

Bless your heart Dixie. Sounds like you are very frustrated and hurting. I am so sorry for your hard times. I have never smoked and I never will but I still have lung cancer. Unforutnately I fall in the 15% of non-smokers who have lung cancer. My husband has been a diabetic since he was 3 yrs. old. Sometimes he eats sweets but he is in excellent health.What did a three yr. old do to make himself have diabetes? God has given us all the freedom to make choices. Those who smoke have chosen to do so. Those who don't have chosen to not smoke. You can choose to be angry and bitter toward your family member who continues to smoke or you can choose to support that person in their fight. You can choose to take out your anger and frustration on other people as you appear to be doing here but that will not change the fact that your family memeber smokes. I am sorry he does. It is not a good choice. Have you ever made a bad choice Dixie or a bunch of bad choices? I have, we all have. Your family member is not perfect. Support him in his fight and encourge him with love and compassion not anger and bitterness. Will continue praying for you Dixie and your family

[Addie]

If I had to make a choice to live longer or die smoking there would be know choice unless I was on to many meds to make that decision then I would hope my family and friends would do the right thing and not let me smoke it is called tough love. I use to smoke for 10 years and it was hard to give up I really never had a reason to do it but my god if I had Lung cancer it would be the first thing I did.

I missed responding to the above paragraph the first time around...but it seemed important to come back and address the fact that you're a former smoker.

Do you understand you are still at risk? That having quit or not...you could still end up with lung cancer some day?

I just wanted to say that IF you do end up with lung cancer...I hope - sincerely - that there isn't another member in your family or circle of friends that decides to rag your fanny for having smoked for 10 years!

[kitkathi]

Hate the addiction but love the addict..........

Kathi

[SDianneB]

Cindi says: "The point is, try not to control what another person does." Indeed.

Just copy what Addie said for me too -- you're not going to change someone else's behavior.

Di

[kimmek]

Amen Addie, and everyone else, this is a mute point

[LynneH]

Dixie,

I will not speak for the other family members here at LCSC, only for myself and for the love of my life who is no longer here.

My husband smoked.

My husband died due to his CANCER and it’s associated complications.

My husband’s cancer was not going to evaporate if he had stopped smoking after diagnosis. Perhaps he would have bought a little more time? Who knows.

Like Ginny with her dear Earl, I lit Jim’s cigarettes for him when he was barely able to eat, unable to walk, and couldn’t see due to complications from his brain tumor. I never heard him complain ONCE in 15 months about not being able to swallow or walk or see, but I could see a shuddering sigh of relief when he was able to have a cigarette. I would have given him my life if it could have saved his. Instead, all I could offer him was some very small comfort.

I hope you will someday find a way to love someone unconditionally with no strings attached. It is life’s most wonderful gift. May you find peace.

[Leslie221]

Anger and INTOLERANCE are the twin enemies of correct understanding. -Mahatma Gandhi

I'm hoping you're sincere and not just trying to get a rise out of people on this board. I'll assume you're sincere.

Just so you know, I did quit smoking when diagnosed. When I read your post I felt attacked, insulted, and judged. I felt protective of my friends on this board.

It's one thing to offer advice, encouragement, and information, designed to help people make the best decisions they can about their lives. It's quite another to attack and actually accuse people you don't know of LYING! That kind of accusation crosses a line with most people. That's why I wonder if you're not just playing with us. Hard to imagine a genuine person coming to a support board and being so insensitive and hostile.

You might find more appropriate help for your problem by contacting a minister or therapist. Your anger and intolerance are as dangerous to your well-being in the long run as smoking may be for your dad.

Leslie

[J.C.]

Dixie,

I don't have lung cancer, but I have cancer,

not caused by smoking.

My husband had lung cancer and did not smoke.

This place is for support not argument,

you could find a forum where people will

agree with you all the time, not here we are

people, normal people with cancer, caregivers,

and family members that love and support each

other.

J.C.

J.C.

[sharyn]

Wow.... I am speechless and that for me is unusual.... Dixie... my initial response to your post was to rip you apart, and .... I still feel that way. I don't feel sorry for you because of your immaturity, I am not as generous as some of our other members. I don't feel sorry for you because of your ignorance.

I only feel sorry for you because your life has been touched by lung cancer.

My Dad died 9 months ago he smoked since he was 13 years old.... he enjoyed it and he always knew it would eventually kill him, but he made a conscious decision to smoke and because of my unconditional love and respect for him, I would never judge him or anyone else in his shoes. Like Ginny, we didn't stop Daddy from smoking at the end.... it was all he had left that made him feel "good".... I know you don't understand that... I don't understand that either, but my God, I am not in the position to pass judgement as you aren't either my friend. Get off your pulpit and join the masses... you will find this group extremely helpful and full of HONEST, FORTHRIGHT, COURAGEOUS people... believe me, you should feel honored that with your attitude, any of us have taken the time to respond to you.

[Connie B]

Dixie Wrote: Thank you all but I still have a problem.

Well, I'd say that problem you speak of is, much bigger then you think

In School they say, Pay Attention. At LCSC I Say:

If you can't pay attention, TAKE NOTES!

You have a LOT TO LEARN Miss Dixie, and You have just been taught by the BEST TEACHERS KNOWN TO LUNG CANCER!

Something tells me, YOUR JUST NOT GOING TO GET IT THOUGH!!!

My Best to your poor Uncle.

I'm going to pray for you too.

[Snowflake]

Dixie,

Just to be clear, I'm a never smoker and I'm the patient. I've heard that cancer "may" be fueled by a diet high in sugar or "bad carbs" or caffeine... When I'm having an extremely stressful day, I have a Coke and a Snickers and no longer feel the need to strangle the life out of someone who is p*ssing me off.

You don't know me, don't assume that you do. Don't assume that you know anything in someone else's heart and mind. Damn straight, we ALL know that "smoking is bad". Smoking kills more people through heart disease than lung cancer, only 10% of smokers get lung cancer.

Where do you get off telling others how to live? If I want to have a GD Big Mac for lunch five days a week, should I have a member of the Food Police pay me a visit? What I do is none of your damn business, just as the "grown up" choices made by your family member have nothing to do with you. When you started smoking, who gave YOU permission?

I don't care for your tone. I truly hope you can open your heart and understand that love is unconditional. If a loved one needs you, you are there, no strings!

Guarantee you, dollar to doughnuts, if you were my child talking to me as you describe talking to your loved one, you would not be welcome in my home. In fact, you'd be lucky if you didn't have to pick your butt up off the floor.

Don't make judgments on the people involved here. So some of us smoke, so what? If everyone quit on diagnosis, they'd still have cancer! DUH!

Back off, leave my friends alone. Deal with this anger in a therapy session, don't involve real people in the fight of their lives in this energy wasting discussion.

Becky

[stand4hope]

Thank you all but I still have a problem.

YOU SURE DO!

Peggy

[bunny]

just to be clear, I responded - no dirty little secrets here. my mom, with LC, quit 27 years ago and she would second my response to a tee.

you still haven't addressed what you're scared of. if you want to cut off taking care of your family member because he wont' quit smoking, that's for you to live with. just give him enough notice to get a ride to his next appointment.

and, please, stop yelling at the people here. they have enough to worry about.

go easy, dixie.

xoxo

amie

[nancy c]

Dixie, I responded earlier to your smoking issue. My husband smoked and continued to smoke for 19 months after his diagnosis and died. I do not smoke, never have and never will. THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON I feel you are being very rude to the cancer patients on this site. If you would take time to read each person's hx--you will find it says if they are, were, or were not a smoker. These patients along with family members come to this site daily for encouragement and support. This has been a piece of heaven for me(a cargiver) while my husband was so ill. We do not need someone who is so narrow minded and judgmental. We care about each other here. I could care less who smokes or not. If they are going thru the cancer journey as a patient or caregiver--I want to help them. We are a family of people who all have been on this roller coaster ride. How can you write that stuff to lung cancer patients who are going thru treatment and suffering?

How can you be so uncaring about people's feelings???I do pray you are able to treat your poor loved one with alittle more respect and love than you have shown here to cancer patients. I am ashamed of you.

[pritchie]

Dixie,

I have tried and tried to think of what to

say to you that would make you understand

what everyone is trying to tell you but I

don't believe anyone can help you but you.

I don't smoke and never have. I have lost

several family members to cancer. My Mom to

lung cancer, my Dad to angiosarcoma, my Uncle

to cancer all through his body (Vietnam vet)

and my cousin in his 20's to bone cancer. They

all smoked and I was there for all of them

with unconditional love. I never said anything

to them about their smoking because it didn't

matter they didn't deserve cancer because they

smoked.

You need to get help, grow up and learn to have

unconditional love for your family member before

it is too late. Life is too short and I hope the

last memory you have isn't b****ing about his

smoking.

Pamela

[francesbean]

Whoa.... What everyone else said.

Just for the record, my dad had his last cigarette the night before he went in for his biopsy.

[Maryanne]

I am not even going to waste time replying here, as there are many posts that is more worthy to answer. People who are scared and need support. THAT IS WHAT THIS SITE IS ABOUT.

I don't have time for this. I just hope you wake up in time to smell the roses instead of cigarette smoke.

Maryanne