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Thank you all but I still have a problem.


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One knows what one can/can't do or what one should/shouldn't do. We can go on and on about smoking as well as drugs, 000, drinking, eating etc. We are all human, we all have faults, we all struggle and deal with different aspects of our lives differently and try to do the best. For whatever reason your family member still smokes, he has to deal with it, in his own way, the best way he knows how. Really up to him. Regardless it is his decision and should be respected. If I were you I would sit down and bring my concerns to him in a polite, positive, constructive way. Tell him how you feel and why. Ask him what can you do to help him quit, tell him this is what I did, if that is what he really wants to do???? If I have learned one thing about lung cancer it's not to paint it with a broad brush. It's not a one glove fits all. And unfortunately there is not always a magic bullet or easy solution. Hopes this helps. Prayers for the best.


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I just got on tonight-I have had a busy 3-4 days. I try to moderate better than this, but nobody that has responded to what you said is out of line so I don't feel the need to edit anything..

You were plain rude with your statements. When you first posted you were answered by very caring people who have been thru hell with this disease! Your second post was an attack.

If you want to ask if people stopped smoking then ask. Don't make it sound like we were trying to HIDE anything. That is -as said earlier- a moot point. Stopping smoking after the diagnosis is a personal decision. The cancer is THERE. Stopping will not make it go away. It does make it easier to breath if they quit and if the person is in the early stages their chances of remission to a cure are increased.

I am asking you to please be more respectful with your posts. We are a support group-not a judge and jury. Everybody here knows and understands your frustration with not being able to help your family member, we are good listeners. Let us help you with dealing with the caregiver part of this disease. Please do not return if you have the attitude that we are all a bunch of sneaks and liars. Your time could be better spent on another site.

Love, Cindy

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Dixie, I am highly upset that you came into this group and managed to offend so many people with your ignorant statements. This board was founded so people could get the help and support they need while dealing with lung cancer. Frankly, I could care less how any of these dear people got lung cancer. The issue we are dealing with is that they do have it, have had it, and it has affected the life of every member here. I think it is very wrong for you to come to this place and offer your opinions and insults. My dear, you obviously have never read posts from this site before or you would know that we harbor no secrets here. After losing my husband to lung cancer, I have shared my very innermost feelings ...and secrets....with members of this group!!! Members of this group have nothing to hide from each other and definitely not from you! If your brother does have lung cancer, I certainly feel saddened for him and the apparent lack of support he receives from his sister.

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On the off chance that there is some sincerity in your questions and comments, I'll just offer the following --

Firstly, your comments about not "giving" someone with heart trouble fatty foods or not "giving" sugar to a diabetic? Non sequitur. Unless this is someone who has to be fed by another person, I doubt anyone "gives" him anything. He probably decides what to eat and when, as well as to smoke, no?

When I found out I had lung cancer, it was a no-brainer why -- all the years of smoking. I was in the hospital at the time, so had the perfect opportunity to quit. I spent 5 days there, and my mind was on a ton of other things, so I didn't have much chance to worry about smoking. Sure, I oould have sneaked outside with one of the nurses and had a cig, but I truly did NOT want to. For the first few days, I didn't feel like moving out of that bed.

On the day the Pulmonologist came in to tell me all the details, his comments about smoking were that although it probably wouldn't have any effect on the cancer I have now, I'd just be working on another tumor if I continued to smoke. That was enough for me. Didn't want to do this once, much less twice.

Later on when I had chest radiation, the Rad. Onc. told me about the same thing, plus the fact that not smoking helped my esophagus heal from the radiation, and I could keep my esophagus and airway moistened much better without the cigarettes. Of course by then, I'd not smoked for a while, and didn't miss it at all.

Had someone told me 5 years ago that I'd just stop smoking one day without patches or counseling or a straitjacket, I'd have thought they were nuts. But that's what I did.

And now, the moral of this story -- I quit because I WANTED TO. No one made me, although what the docs were telling me made sense and was good advice. Not a one of them could have intimidated me or forced me into it had I not taken it on myself to just quit.

Not everyone can do that. Not everyone wants to. We aren't robots -- we are humans. And you, our families and friends, either love us or you don't. It's really that simple.


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Dixie now that i've managed to cool off a little there is a couple of thing's you really need to understand about this site and the people on it.First of all everyone here is family and there is no race, creed or nationality here as were all FAMILY.Every one want's only the best for you and your UNCLE and family but not your paranoid judgement's.But just to share a incident i caused month's ago i'll share it only to show you what kind of people are here and the FOUNDER's of this site Katie and Rick.

What happened is i left a Joke on the Joke page and it offended some people including Rick and Katie.I got angry and felt like i had been singled out and caused quite a fight and i eventually stopped monitoring this site for also a number of month's.As time moved on and a little more maturity creeped in i realized i was wrong in my action's and now i'm back with i hope a lot better attitude. And guess what Katie and Rick have never once brought any of this back up to me nor denied me access.The people on here that may remember the incident have never reminded me of that time.

My point being Dixie is we all would love to have you here for your need's but none of us have time for the Anger and hurt you brought us. Believe me once you've thought through this and give your self a attitiude adjustment and return as a person wanting to share and help (not critisize) you'll find all willing to forgive and forget .

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After reading all this "Dixie" stuff, maybe we should all consider DROPPING THE DISCUSSION. We are feeding the troll by continuing to respond to it. I have a hard time believing she's for real and I personally think we have wasted enough time and energy on her. Just my opinion.


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Oh Dixie,

I can tell by your post you are really hurting. I am sorry you are feeling so much pain and anger. I think the best response you received was from Kathi.

Hate the Addiction but Love the Addict.

I was a smoker and smoked for probally 30 years, since I was a kid. Even before that if you count those candy cigs. I smoked until the day I became sick. I then stopped cold turkey. It was really hard. There are times that I still would like a cigarette but can never and will never pick up another one.

Best Wishes,


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I rarely post but I have to post a reply to Dixie.. first of all I agree with all of you that replied to her. She has no right to judge anyone other then herself.

My husband has SCLC and yes it has spread and has been treated with chemo now for 6 mos. Is he a smoker.. YES ..

Did he quit? NO

Did the oncologist tell him to quiet smoking NO.

Why in his words should he?? the cancer is there .. stopping smoking is not going to cure it.

Is smoking the cause of Lung Cancer?? I don't know I'm sure it isn't helping but from all I've researched developing cancer has more to do with genetics and environment !! It's a break down of the immune system that causes the blood cells to go haywire and develope into cancer.

In my husbands words, is he going to quit?? NO !!!!! he did for 3 weeks after his first chemo then went back to them .. his thoughts are..since he's in stage 1V from the time of diagnoses.. why should he, at least he's enjoying what's left of what time he has.

He could have turned to other vices and didn't so who am I to control him? or YOU >

As long as he is happy and enjoying what time he has whether it be 7 days or 70 yrs.. let him do what he wants. When you read posts where some quit smoking 20-30 + yrs ago and still get lung cancer then why quit if you enjoy it.

Last count I had in some states legalizing cigarettes without lables for nausea related to cancer treatments is perscribed.. isn't that still smoking?? or is that OK in your world.

Dixie who are you to preach to your uncle.. does he have his own family?? a wife, kids?? That would be up to them to discuss the options to him NOT YOU .. where do you get off telling him what he can or cannot do!! Let the poor man be and let him do whatever he wants.

Remember it's his life NOT YOURS !!

Curley's Wife

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  • 2 weeks later...


HMMM-Where to start? Your very cynical attitude is so upsetting. It's people like you that place this negative stigma on us and makes it harder to get support and the curative help we need. I don't smoke---I quit before I found out I had cancer. I am 35 and started smoking when I was about 15. I am also a teacher and am very well aware that 15 year olds are not capable of making the right decisions all the time. I know mine was stupid. But, I thought it was cool because my boyfriend did it and that camel looked really cool holding that cigarette in his mouth. I can tell that after smoking for approximately 20 years, I STILL want a cigarette and STILL wish I could smoke. It is very obvious to me that it's not just about quitting the habit, it's also about quitting the addiction. Now, let's take a look at all of these people that are facing death every day of their lives. Who are we to tell them what is best for them. We are talking about adults here!! They are already going through so much and having to deal with so much in their lives. YOUR job is not too downgrade their addictions but to comfort them and let them know your their to support them through this. This is what God wants and if you are a godly person you should know that. We are not here to judge but to lift up a kindred spirit. Make people happy. I hope you can find happiness in your situation and I truly hope that you are supportive to your family member. Remember, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

By the way, if quitting smoking were so easy why doesn't everyone just throw their butts in the bucket and keep them there.

Living life,


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