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I know I shouldn't feel guilty....


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But I do! My FIL is having his bronchoscopy and mediatinoscopy tomorrow, my BIL is going to be with them during the procedure, and my husband is driving there after work (about an hour or so away) to be with them after he is out of recovery.

We will find out in 2-3 days whether his lymph nodes are affected, and whether he will be having surgery on the 7th.

Right in the middle, we had plans to take the kids to Northern WI camping for Labor Day weekend. My sister is joining us for a night. We plan to still go, assuming that he does well with the procedure tomorrow.

But, I feel guilty. I feel like we should be here when they find out the results. I feel bad that my BIL and SIL will have them with them for two days while we go camping and have fun.

I know it is irrational, and as long as he is doing ok, us being home is not going to change anything. I know that this is going to be a long haul, and that we are going to have lots of time spent with my FIL and MIL as they go through the process of hopefully beating this disease....

I have a tendency to feel guilty too much :oops:

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You know you are only a phone call away. You shouldn't feel guilty. Life has to go on. It's obvious you care about your FIL a whole bunch. I'm am sure he knows that and would understand your circumstance. When I had my bronchoscopy, I didn't get results immediately. In all honesty, I can't remember how long it took. Ask him how he feels about it.

P.S. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I always felt guilty about enjoying life. I was very codependent and worked at trying to make everyone around me happy instead. Life cannot be that way. Unfortunately, it took cancer for me to figure things out. I'm not saying don't be there for him. I'm just saying you have to be there for yourself first. As my husband says, if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.(HAHA)

Living life,


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right there with you girl. it's so easy for me to tell you to go, he's in good hands, not to worry, you have to take care of your own family, too...

now if only I could listen to my own advice! :roll: (see: post, "separation anxiety")

tell you what: I'll tell you, and you tell me. :lol:

OK - Darci, go! relax! enjoy! they know you love and support them.



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Thanks everyone - I feel better. It is so hard to know what to do, and when to do it. And I know that we can't all be with them all the time.

Bunny - I just saw your post!! I hope you have a great trip.

Jaime - great advice. I need to learn that I can't always make everyone happy. (BTW - my sister has that saying posted on her refrigerator!!)

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KellyHere's the danger of not taking time for yourself and putting allof your energies into your FIL: you may begin to subconsciously resent him, and vice versa. I felt much better when I took my trip backpacking this summer, and I think my mom felt more independent when I left her 'alone' for awhile.

We have to take care of ourselves, too, or we are no good to our families.

Have a fun trip!


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You'll have your turn being there later while the others take their much needed vacations. It's like people taking their turn at anything tough while the others are "off duty" - someone's got to take the first shift off. You are strengthening yourself and your kids for the times ahead when you will be called on to carry the load.

I can't speak for everyone, but, as a person with cancer, I only appreciate all the more that life is to be enjoyed and that happy family times are soooo important, especially to kids. You go and eat s'mores and watch the camp fire and have lots of laughs and hugs.


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As someone who has lung cancer I know that I couldn't keep going knowing that I was relying on my wife and family to much. After the first week at home I asked my wife to go back to work and let me fend for myself during the day. So far it has been great. Now if I could only sleep through the night, then I would feel more normal. Please go on the trip and enjoy. When you come back you will be in a much better place to help out.


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