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Sept. 6


KatieB

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The worst day of my life was two years ago. At 10:20 am, my dad gave us a smile, and left us forever. I hate saying that he “left” us, because I am certain he wouldn’t have gone if given a choice- cancer took him from us like it’s taken so many others, much too soon. And I’m pretty sure I’m still really angry about that. That is part of the fuel for my fire. That is why I am here. Anger and hope. Hope that one day, no one else will be claimed the way he was.

So much has happened in the two years that he has been gone. Our lives have changed so much and there are so many things I wish I could share with him, ask his advice about, or to lean on him like I had done in the past. Life is hard. Somehow, daddy’s make it easier for their little girls.

Part of me is thankful that he isn’t here to see the sadness, the destruction, the pain in our world today. But mostly, I just miss him. When my world is very still, I miss him so badly that my heart physically hurts. So I try not to be still for very long.

He has missed so much in these last two years. He missed knowing about my daughter by four short months. He didn’t even know the possibility of her~ and I wonder sometimes if he knows about her now. Or about all the things we’ve done or have gone through since he died.

The house he shared with my mom for 30 years has changed too. It doesn’t look the same. Many rooms have changed; the study he sat in for years is now more of a storage room with many of his things packed away. I still sneak in there when I think no one is looking, go to the closet where his jacket hangs and try to smell his smell.

The garage that he tinkered in, his hobbies strewn about, the 7 foot boat he built by hand for my son that sat on a work table in the middle of the mess~ is all gone, either packed away or given away. Now the garage is clear and clean and both his truck and my moms’ car are parked neatly inside.

I know these things must be done. All these changes, all for the better in many ways, just reminders that he is no longer here, his stamp on so many things is fading away.

It’s life. I know it. But I hate that part of life. We all do, I know.

I received a heart warming e-mail from a friend, sending me regards about the anniversary of my dad’s death. I told her that I wished there was no anniversary, that I wish my dad had never died, and that Sept. 6 would be just another day.

Thank you all for the times you’ve been here for me. Mostly importantly, thank you for being here for each other.

Tomorrow my mom and I will go to the cemetery and the entire time we are there we will wish things had turned out differently, and that we didn’t hurt so much, and what we would give for one more smile, one more hug, one more-

“Take it easy babe, it’ll be ok.”

:cry:

Praying for a cure,

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Dear Katie,

I don't think your dad has 'left' you or has 'gone away'.....nope, I believe he has been right there with you guiding every step of the way, just as I believe mine is.

My heart aches for you grieving so. My own dad has been gone 22 years now and I still 'talk' to him. So it is less grieving and more like a discussion where I actually answer for him. Crazy, I know.

At any rate, Katie, your dad is smiling today at you and your mom. He is there to 'talk' to and is not gone. I am sure he is so proud of you. I am sure he loves you still.

I, for one, will say a prayer today for peace for you and your mom. May today be a type of renewal for you both. Thank you for sharing with all of us....your 'other' family.... your heart today. That is why we love you.

Love,

Kasey

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Oh Katie, I read your post and could feel your pain as if it were my own. I have not had to go through an "anniversary" day yet and I am dreading it....

I will tell you a few things that I feel very strongly about. I don't believe your Dad has left you, not for one second. I believe he is as close to you as the breeze you feel on your face. I believe he sees your beautiful children, I believe he sees you tuck them in at night and he is probably the last one to kiss them as they fall into slumber, and he sees all the changes that have occured since he had to pass on to another place. I have a strong conviction that our loved ones are very close always and are guiding us along the rest of our journey. I believe that as you stand by his grave today and weep, as I know you will, he will be standing right beside you with his arm around you wishing you peace and wishing he could let you know he is truly okay.

And when you say a prayer, don't look at the earth below you, but look at the beautiful sky above your head as that is where Daddy is.... and he is smiling.

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What a beautiful tribute to your father.

What a wonderful way to start my day.

What a wonderful daughter you are.

Your father is very proud and very much alive in all your efforts and kindnesses to others. He is alive in your son in your daughter and in all the good that is in our troubled world today.

Hugs, Katie.

P

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(((Katie))),

Mom is in the process of doing the same thing (as your mom); clearing out the garage, throwing away stuff. I'm glad I am not home to witness that. I would pull everything out of the trash and put it back where it belongs. Everytime something is moved or thrown out it is like a memory is trying to be removed. Hugs to you Katie. I know you miss your daddy.....

Kathi

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Katie, I'm so sorry, I just have no words for what I feel reading your post. I never met your father, but I'm grieving with you. I pray today is a good day for you, even though I know how hard it is. My sister and I visited David's graveside on Saturday, and it was my first time to the cemetery since the funeral. It was so hard, but I was also so glad to be there. When you and your mom are at that graveside, remember that many, many people you have helped here at LCSC are almost as proud of you as your Daddy is. (No one can be quite as proud as a Daddy, I know.)

BeckyCW

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Katie...I am thinking of you today and also wishing things weren't as they are. I'm sure your dad is by your side every day and is smiling with pride as he sees all of the good things you do everyday to make life better for others!

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Katie,

I have been thinking of you and your Mother most of the day today.

I know how hard it is....I understand only too well.

May the sun shine on you today and may you realize your dad is always with you. He knows all that you have done. I know he is smiling at you. You were and will continue to be his little girl.

Much love,

Shirleyb

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Katie,

Your beautiful tribute to your Father brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same way about my Dad. He is still fighting his cancer,but I dread the day we have to say goodbye. I know what you mean about your heart physically hurting. God bless you and your mom today and always. I too believe your Dad is still with you, and he is very proud of all the wonderful things you are doing for others and your family. I will say a prayer for you tonite.

Denise

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Katie, I hear your sadness, missing your Dad so. It hurts so much.

I too believe he is alive but not limited by his previous body. He sees and hears you, he continues to love you and is very proud of you.

One day we will be together again with our families who have gone on ahead of us.

Donna G

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From one of daddy's little girls to another, thank you very very much! I know that the pain won't go away but just when you are ready, take a look at all the wonderful pictures that are posted here today because of you and your family! My heart aches for you right now hunny! Big hug sent your way! (((((((((((Katie)))))))))))

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