Jana_W Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Hi everyone I haven't really been around much since Mum died on the 4th August. I just started checking in this last week to see how everyone is doing, and am only just working my way through the list I need to read. It is so hard to try to live a happy life without Mum in it. I have been having so many mixed emotions etc. It seems that what I mostly think of at the moment is Mum's cancer. I think about how she must have felt in those last few weeks and months when she truly must have realised her disease was progressing and things weren't looking great. The thing is, Mum just NEVER gave up hope that there was something out there that could possibly help her, and neither did we. I have been beating myself up black and blue at times wondering why I didn't insist she try Essiac Tea which we'd talked about and wondering if I could have found something that might have done the trick. I know that Dad did exhaustive research into all of this and Mum used alot of complementary and alternative therapies as well as mainstream treatments, so intellectually I do realise that this is not the case. It just all hurts so much. I hurt so much inside at the moment when I think about how Mama must have felt and it's so unfair that someone so wonderful and beautiful had to be put through that. I can't even understand the fact that I won't see Mum ever again. My family is not religious at all, so I do not have any vague thought of meeting up with Mum again one day. My baby is due to be born in just over two weeks, and how I wish Mum was still here with us for that. I have a CD of Mum playing the piano (she was a very very talented pianist) so I thought I would play that for the baby after he/she is born (if I am able to do it emotionally) and that might make me feel more like Mum is with us somehow. Anyway, so much more I could go on about but I won't for now. Karen (my sister) is in much the same place as me I think. She had her birthday just last weekend, and it was her first birthday without Mum which was pretty awful for her. It is lucky we are very close as we struggle through this together. I can't even begin to describe or imagine how this must be for Dad. We try to help him as much as we can, but we are so limited in that the only thing that can make him better is for Mum to still be here. Sorry this is such a miserable post. Love Jana xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.