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Mom would have been 50 today & the 1st year mark has pas


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Today, my mom would have had her 50th birthday :'(

I know that we would have had something nice for her and I would have loved to take her to a very fancy restaurant overlooking the city. Nice things like that were very few and far between during her lifetime. I just hope in heaven she is being rewarded greatly for all the love she gave while on this earth.

The year mark was Sept 3rd. I spent the weekend in Canada. Some of me wanted to be here in Pittsburgh and some of me wanted to be as far away as possible.

Today I visited her grave, something I dont do very often because when I cry like I do when I go there my head throbs for 2 days. I feel angry that she was taken away so early and I am still trying to get over that.

It feels as new and raw as the day she passed and oh God it hurts.

Just wanted to share this with people who understand.

Thanks for listening.


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Hi Kelly,

This is so hard for you and your family. 50 would have been a special year. But you keep her alive by holding all those wonderful memories of her in your heart.

I pray tomorrow will be a better day for you.



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Oh Kelly

I cant even believe it has been a year. But on the other hand, a year is not so long. I know the hurt is still so vivid. There is one thing I learned...I learned it very late.. but i am glad I did because it has helped me.

I lost my mother when I was 9. I could not get over it. It colored my whole life and saddened it...I wondered when I would "get over it" and wondered why I couldn't.

It finally dawned on me: I was never going to get over it. I was going to have to get through it, however I could. I had to learn to live with her loss as a part of my life becasue that loss was not going to go away... ever.

Those realizations have helped me almost every day. Yes, sometiems stil bawl like a baby...but I have learned to love myself for it and not feel like I should have stopped crying ....

Your mom was so dear to me. I don't know why I am stil here. I don't deserve it, I know. And she didn't deserve to die. That injustice is and always will be what I can't ever come to grips with..

I only hope that someday I will understand why my mother left so soon...

But then I remember this: As long as I hold her in my heart she is not gone. She lives in all of us who love her.

Please be kind to yourslf. Your mother wanted only the best for you and your sister.

love and fortitude


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Kelly, I know how hard this time is for you. There is something about all these dates that bring all of our pain back to life. I know exactly what you mean about the new, raw feeling. There are still times when I feel as if I have just lost Dennis. Then, when reality sets in and I realize I will soon be approaching the three year mark, it seems unbeliveable. As Katie said in her post, try and remember all of the good birthdays that you spent with your mom! (((((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))

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