Treebywater Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 It's been a hard day. I don't know if it's being back at Dad's in the 'aftermath' of things. Or really, in the aftermath of the aftermath when there is no concrete goal of getting things done or even getting relatives booted out. I'm just sad. I miss Mom so very much. And I promise I'm trying to live life to the fullest and trying to be happy because she would want me to be, but tonight I'm just sad. I've been having nightmares too. Not a lot, but one especially was just terrible and keeps haunting me. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing really good. And sometimes I feel like I'm doing *too* good. Sometimes I feel like I'm sweeping things under the rug. And then sometimes I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Today I think the truck won. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I just wanted to let you know that my prayers are with you during this very difficult time. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Val, You are just normal. Grief is also a roller coaster, doing ok, doing ok, down in the dumps. Just try to remember that you feel like this because you had such a great relationship with your Mother, that was a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flacrakr Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I lost my Mother to cancer about 14 yrs ago. We were close. Like ginny said, grief can be a roller coaster. But what helped me the most was a 'grief recovery group' that I joined. There is a book called the 'Grief Recovery Handbook' that we used in this group. It helped me tremendously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Val, it's just like Ginny said. I remember in Mum's last few days when we were all sitting around her bed. I think it was one of those moments when there were lots of tears ('cos strangely, there were lots of moments of laughter too!), and Dad said 'this is the price we pay for loving so much'. It is so true. And as much as it hurts, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I know you know what I mean.... Thinking of you, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Hi Val, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and I am sorry you are feeling so down. But that will pass. Unfortunately, that is the greif process. You think you are doing good, then BAM... The combination of being back at your parents house and dealing with your dad's grief. Being back at the house and not having your moms presense there is bringing back a flood of memories. Of course you miss her!! You are doing fine. This is all normal. I am sorry you are having nightmares. That part I don't like. I pray all this will pass for you. And it will. It is still so new, just give it time. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitkathi Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 (((Val))) Hugs to you.............. Kathi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Val, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I know how hard it must be for you to be home and not have your mom there with you. Just try and remember how very much it means to your dad to have you and precious little Carolyn there for him right now. It's really good that you and your dad have each other to lean on right now. I'm praying for sunshine and blue skies to come your way.....and hoping a chicken runs across the road right in front of that truck!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babesdaughter Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Val....your grief is still very fresh... My Mom has been gone a little over a year and I still have those days that the truck wins! My mom was very pragmatic. She was a product of the depression era and was just very practical. She had a tender side, too....and would always allow me my time to cry, to feel sorry for myself, whatever....but after what she perceived to be long enough she would just look at me and say, "That's enough." Never anything more than that, but I always knew what she meant. Now, when I have those "truck" days, I allow myself to feel it, experience it....even embrace it sometimes.....but I always hear her say, "That's enough." Then I am able to move on..... Don't fight it, it will come back ten times worse....just feel it and you will know when it is "enough". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 I'm sorry Val. I have no advice for you but I feel terribly sad for you and want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 It's going on 5 years since I lost my father to lung cancer. I hate to tell you but there are still days when I find myself crying, days when I miss him so much I can't believe he's never coming back. It took awhile for me to be able to go over to my mothers house and not look at the door and expect him to walk in at any time. Your mother has been a major part of your life since you were born, it's a huge loss. No matter how old we get, our mother will always be "mommy". It does get easier with time but you will always miss her and that truck will win sometimes. Let the tears flow if it helps. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Oh Val, I, too, have those truck days when I think of my own mother. I lost her in 1985 and there are STILL days that the truck wins!!!!! It is SO very normal, BUT that does not get you through those kind of days. We are thinking of you and hoping that you can have more days that the truck loses. I think one thing that makes it even harder is that she is not there to be Grandma to precious Caroline. Not sure I have words to make that any better. We are hoping for more better days than bad and trying to love you through it, Val. Hope that helps in some small way. Love, Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 I know you are hurting and I pray it gets better for you. Today was a bad day for me, too. It hurts to lose our loved one. It is going to take a long time to get "used" to them being gone. I know the emptiness in your heart. When you are near the Quad Cities, please call me. I want so much to see Carolyn and you. Take care, Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Val, You have a reason to feel sad and you must and will feel it. My wish for you is that you keep the monsters and nightmares away and remember all of the good times you guys had together. I believe the old addage is true, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Strength, prayers and love to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Hi Val, I'm two years out from losing my Dad and some days I feel as if there hasn't been any improvement in the greiving pocess. Two years later I still miss him every day and want to talk to him or hug him. I am finally able to drive some place in the car by myself and not cry so that is marked improvement. When we lose someone that is so close to us, I'm not sure we ever fully recover because there always seems to be "something" missing and that causes those down times. Hang in there....this is all so fresh for you. Let yourself feel the sadness, the good stuff in life will come too. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 hi Val. I just came back to this post, and I'm so sad for you. I have not been where you are, so I won't give advice. just know you're loved and supported here, no matter whether your driving the truck or it's driving you... love and prayers, hon. look for a PM. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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