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That scary time again


Guest Carleen1

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Guest Carleen1

Hi All,

Keith had has CT scan on Friday and we will get the test results Tuesday 11:00. I'm so scared, he's been so tired lately, and feeling so poorly. I know his blood counts are really low and that could be accounting for the increased exhaustion. But, I can't stop worrying. His counts have been low so many times, and he has never been so laid low as now. Because his counts are so low he missed 2 out of these 6 scheduled treatments, and he started these treatments because the cancer was growing.

I just want really good news for once. I will be happy with stable results, but I hope and pray for more.

I've been having really terrible nightmares the last few nights. They seem to be getting worse each night. This morning I woke up and I was sobbing uncontrollable in my sleep. I dreamt that the doctor told me that Keith had gotten worse, that at best I only had a few hours to a couple of days at most with my husband. I dreamt that I lost him, and I was unable to deal with it so I in turn was dying of the grief and was given only a few days to live. It was so realistic so graphic and detailed. The dream seemed to last forever and when I woke up it felt real and my day was gloomy going forward.

It seems with each passing scan and test result time I am getting worse and worse at handling it. I ask for your prayers in the next few days for some good scan results. Would it be living in denial to ask for prayers for a complete miraculous cure to show on this scan?

I love him so much I just can't express it to the depth I feel. He is my heart, my soul, my life and I need him with me forever. I have come to terms with the knowledge that I am weak and fragile. But he makes me strong, he makes me a better person. All that is good in me and about me are because of him and what he makes me want to be.

God, I can't lose him... I pray, I plead, I beg on my knees for healing. If heaven has a shortage of angels, I would gladly give you my life in exchange for his.

I apologize for all the babbling, but I am a bit of a wreck tonight and just so scared and stressed out right now.

Love to you all,

Carleen

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Carleen, of course I will continue praying for Keith AND for you! I so identify with the love you feel for your dear husband, as it is the same I feel for mine. And yes, continue praying for that miracle. Sometimes it is the hope that there are such happenings that keep us going. At least that is the case for me. Have faith and I pray for strength for you both. Please let us know ASAP what you hear.

Hugs and prayers to you both,

Kasey

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Carleen,

My heart breaks to know your pain. But my heart is also lifted by knowing that you love so deeply.

I think of you two often. I am glad you are living each day with love surrounding you. Love never goes away. It is with you always.

I pray for great scans and miracles. God's will.

love and fortitude

elaine

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Carleen, our prayers are also up there for good results.Sorry Keith is having a rough time with the blood counts.

There are many complications associated with chemo that could be causing his fatigue.I have had to go thru chemo several times now and have never yet been able to take all the treatments without some type of problem arising.

Remember the chemo is cumulative (keeps building up)so it is still in there and still working even tho he is missing a couple of times.

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Hi Carlene,

Your post emotionally moved me to tears. I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time, dealing with your loves ones illness, and now having these terrible nightmares on top of it all.

Dreams are just from your subconcious and you are so scared right not. Do not take it as an omen.

I pray his scans comes back with good results, and I am also sending prayers for you to cope and for those negative dreams to not re-occur.

Hang in there, and keep us posted. Things will work out.

I do not know your husbands history, and I am not familar with Atypical Carcinoid. That is a new one for me, I will have to read up on that.

Please take care and know that your husband is in so many prayers.

You are a beautiful couple, and it will stay that way. Keep the faith as "faith doesn't get you around trouble, it gets you through it".

Maryanne

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You both have been missed.

My prayers are being said for Keith to have only encouraging results from his CT, and for your strength- that together you two will get thru this like many other times in the past- and that the news be good, and renewed strength and health for Keith is just around the corner.

Remember that we are all here for you.

Hugs,

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Carleen, what a traumatic dream! I'm praying for both you and Keith, that his test results will be reason for much better dreams soon. I know you want to enjoy all your time together and not live in fear or such awful stress.

I pray that today you will find ways to enjoy life and each other - and if you can find some things to laugh about, that could only help. Laughter has great power against the darker forces, you know. Hang in there, Carleen. We all care about you two so much.

BeckyCW

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Dear Carleen,

I am always loking to see if you have posted. The love you have with your husband is the same as I have with mine and I would probably be feeling just as you do. I know that is not any help, but it is truthful.

Keith and you have always been in my prayers and will continue to be.

I am hoping you can just find some time to just cuddle up and and drink in the love you share. Tuesday will come and I pray with great results and no it's not crazy to pray for a miracle. They happen every day right under our noses.

God help this couple and give them strength.

Always,

Jane

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Oh gosh Carleen....I feel your pain...I certainly will pray for Keith and YOU too...that God will touch you both and show you that he is there...and HE is...

Please don't jump the gun...sometime we all know we worry for nothing...wait for the results and we will all pray for good news...and sure...why not a miracle...they happen every day..

Those nightmares are horrible...I had quite a few myself when I was dx....try to go to sleep with good thoughts ... that you and Keith will soon get on with your life and Keith will soon have his health fully restored... .

Take care... God Loves you Both

Hugs...Pam

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Dear Carleen,

I understand that love and that feeling of being loved beyond belief. I understand those fears. I understand those dreams. How I wish I didn't understand, but I do.

I will certainly say a prayer for you and Keith to get good results. I will say an extra prayer that you will get some peaceful sleep.

Love,

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oh, sweetie. I am praying so hard for you. I have a sticky on my computer for more at 11:00, as well. your love is the best thing in your arsenal, so keep it working for you! oh, and by the way, many words come to mind when I read your posts, weak and fragile are not among them.

love and prayers and caring coming to both of you.

xoxo

amie

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