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How can I thank her?


adee

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Ever since being diagnosed with lung cancer in March, I have one particular friend who has been with me every step of the way. She has kept in touch by phone every few days, restocked my freezer with home cooked meals many times, brought me books, magazines, flowers from her garden or one of my favorite candy bars. She has sat with me talking about politics, religion, or just plain gossip - or sometimes just sat quietly while I napped on the couch. I want to repay her some way for her unfailing kindness and compassion, but I don't want to insult her in any way. She's not a rich person and I know that everything she has done has been a financial strain on her. Does anyone have a suggestion? The only thing I can think of is a gift card to one of her favorite stores. Even that seems inadequate, but I feel so indebted to her that I have to do something to thank her.

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What you have received is "grace" -- it is given freely with no thought of repayment. It is unearned, but given in love. If she has a particular hobby or interest, you could get her a gift card at that type of store.

Lucie and I could never repay all the time, food, gifts, caring and effort that have been showered on us by friends and church members. It gives them a chance to be the "giver" and minister to us. True love means never having to pay back -- it is given freely. You are one lucky person to have such a friend. Don

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Let me echo Don's sentiment: Sometimes it is a rgeat gift to "let" someone take care of you. I know that when my mom was diagnosed. everyone wanted to know what they could do to help. Finally we started to let other people help, and trust them. Suddenly we had dozens of people to drive mom to radiation, dr. appointments, folks fixed her meals, or just stopped by to chat. The 'helpers' couldn't thank us enough for letting them help. Odd, huh?

So if you feel the need to extend something tangible, a gift card would be fine. Even better would be a heartfelt letter written to make sure your friend knows how much you appreciate her.

:) , Kelly

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Guest Carleen1

I agree with what so many of the people here have said about the spirit of giving your friend has shown. What is being done is done out of love and needs no thanks or reward because the act in itself is reward enough.

I can only imagine the gratitude you feel, and the relief her enduring kindness and friendship have brought as I myself am a caregiver and not the recipient of the giving. But I know from my point of view, all I do is because I want so much to be making wonderful moments together to spend time together and all for self serving reasons. The fact that Keith gets so much out of it is only a side benefit to me.

So, if he wanted to thank me, the gift I would most appreciate would be the gift of more time together. About 6 months ago, Keith and I both played hookie from work and went to a day spa because he bought me a gift certificate for a day of pampering together. This is something he's never done before, and I've only experienced one professional massage before in my life. We did a couples massage where we were in the same room together during it, then we got pedicures together, and skin treatments. It was a great gift! We talked and laughed all day long especially as he experienced these new and strange things so commonly avoided by most men. We followed up with lunch together. This cherished moment is the best gift I could ever have been given because it was a gift of himself and his time and presence. Not to diminish the wonderful benefits of relaxation and massage.

I think that anything you do that shows your appreciation can not be an insult, but maybe something like a dinner together, or theater tickets together or spa day together would accomplish more than just a thank you but also be a gift to both of you.

God Bless

Carleen

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Don and Carleen spoke it so well. Othrs have also mentioned a letter which was my first thought as I know it would mean so much to me. a letter to mean lets me put my heart and soul into my words.

You're wonderful friend does all this out of love, tell her how much you love her for it and as a friend.

God Bless you,

Jane

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When I heard "Kind and generous" by Natalie Merchant the other day on my way into work, I cried and thought how appropriate it was for my mom. I am printing the lyrics here for you. Maybe you could burn a CD with the song, or print out the lyrics on some pretty stationary. Check it out..

Kind and Generous Lyrics

Na na na na na na na na na na

na na na na na na na na na na

You've been so kind and generous, I don't know how you keep on giving

For your kindness I'm in debt to you

For your selflessness, my admiration

For everything you've done, you know I'm bound, I'm bound to

thank you for it....

Na Na na na na na na na na na

na na na na na na na na na na

You've been so kind and generous, I don't know how you keep on giving

For your kindness I'm in debt to you

And I never could have come this far without you

For everything you've done, you know I'm bound, I'm bound to

thank you for it....

Na Na na na na na na na na na

na na na na na na na na na na

Oh, I want to thank you for so many gifts you gave with love and tenderness,

I wanna thank you

I want to thank you for your generosity, the love and the honesty that you gave me

I want to thank you, show my gratitude, my love and my respect for you,

I wanna thank you

Oh I want to thank you, thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you, thank you.

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I think a heart to heart chat once in a while-

A nice dinner out (or in) to show your appreciation-

and a letter from your heart would be absolutely priceless to her.

She does it because she loves you so- you are very lucky, and may feel like the lucky one- but I bet you anything that SHE feels like the lucky one to be able to be there for you.

This is what real love is about.

Blessings for you both,

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Wow...so many wonderful suggestions. I really think the thing that would mean the most to me would be a nice letter. Also, as a crafter, I know I sometimes am hesitant to spend money on the things I really like to do. So, if this wonderful lady has a hobby you might get her a gift card that would enable her to buy something she would really enjoy.

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What wonderful replies! And I'm definitely going to write her a truly heartfeld letter (to accompany a gift card!) to try to express my gratitude to her. Even though I have other friends that have supported me, none has shown so much love and compassion or spent so much time with me. Others ask what they can do to help, but she seems to know without asking! At the beginning of this ordeal, she said "I'll do anything I can do to help, and if I can't do anything we can just sit and cry together." So far, we have laughed far more than we have cried. We have grown so much closer as friends.

You all have made me realize how lucky I am and how blessed I am to have such a friend and I need to let her know in words - not just monetarily. Thank you so much everyone.

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Your friend sounds so wonderful-so compassionate and full of love for you- have you thought of giving her something personal-something that belongs to you- a piece of jewlry- a favorite cookbook-maybe a vase- Or maybe there is a photograph of the two of you that you could put in a nice frame and give her-

Rachel gave me a few of her things that I cherish-the sentiment so meaningful-

She expects nothing- she is doing this from the heart- and enjoying every minute of it- I am so happy that you have her-

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