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Hard Question


flwrjunke

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Hi,

My Mom is near her final days and last night she told me that she is ready for all of this to be over. I told her that I understood and I loved her. Her condition has declined so fast in the last 30 days it’s hard to believe. It was just 1 month ago today that she played her last round of golf. In her retirement years she has kept very busy. She played golf 3 days a week. When there was snow she’d go to Mammoth every other week to ski. She has always been a very independent and strong person who has lived her life to the fullest with no regrets.

Last night after I had been to Moms I talked to my sister. We had seen each other earlier but couldn’t really talk. I had told her about what Mom had said to me and my sister said that she wouldn’t be surprised if Mom took some pills or something to end it. Also, yesterday when the Hospice Nurse was there, my Mom asked her if they could just turn off the oxygen. Then last night the nurse called while I was there and she told me about that and so I asked her how near was the end. She told me that it could still take some time.

I remember reading somewhere that with Hospice you can give them something to help them to the next stage. I will talk to the nurse later but thought that maybe some of you could fill me in on what it’s called, how it works, and can it be done in California? I just figure I should check out what all of her options are.

Thank you for any advice that you can give.

Patty

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hi Patty. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts during this sad time. this organization has been at the forefront of litigation regarding end-of-life decision making, and probably your best source of information both for your mother and those of you caring for her.

http://www.compassionindying.org/index1.php

love and luck to you.

xoxo

bunny

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both my parents seem to go the same way. mom found out her cancer was back and it seemed to make a decision for her that she was unwilling to go further with treatment and the end came quick.

dad, 3 weeks before his death he was building a deck on his best friends house and as soon as the deck was done it was like the switch was flipped and he just sat in his recliner and within 14 days he was gone.

i can't explain it, but dads hospice told me, "sometimes they know before us and are ready for the next adventure"

this is a very difficult time for your family and I am praying for your strength.

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Wow, Shelly, your post struck me. When my Gram got lc I brought her yarn to make me an afghan and she just kept asking the lord to leave her here long enough to finish it. She died 2 days after it was done. As to the question, My belief is that just keeping the person as comfortable as possible. Our hospice nurse told me as her stats fell the morphine would probably slow them enough to let her go peacefully and she did. I am so sorry you are going thru this. My thoughts are with you.

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I was just going to say what Lisa just said. Hospice can administer moprhine that will make her very comfortable. Then it would not be long at all.

I am sorry, I pray for peace and strength for your family. And for your mom to slip from this world comfortable.

Maryanne

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I am saying prayers for your mom and your family. I know how hard this time is for you. You want to honor your mom's wishes and allow her to go peacefully but yet a part of never wants to let go! Talk very openly with the Hospice nurses. They have some great information about this process that will help you! The main thing to remember is no pain if possible!

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Thank you all so much for your response.

Wednesday night while I was at Moms she said that part of the reason she had slept so much that day was because she was so bored. So yesterday on my way down, I stopped and got a puzzle.

When I was young, my Mom we would set up a card table in the family room, mostly during the summer. My Mom, sister and I and all of our friends that came into our house would work on them and it was really fun. So yesterday, I got the card table out and all of us started to work on it. We were able to slide the table right up to her chair and prop her with pillows. There were 4 of us aroung the table, my sister, a neighbor, who is like a 2nd Mom to us, my Mom and me. We worked on it together for about an hour. It was so nice to be there together, remembering and talking about all of those summer days from long ago.

Later after everyone else had left I asked Mom if this afternoon went by faster than yesterday? With a big smile on her face she said "yes, thank you"

When I had spoke with the nurse the night before, she said that we should be giving Mom the morphine drops every 2 hours. It's kinda cute how when they tell Mom she should be doing something as far as the pain meds goes she doesn't do it.But after I tell her she needs to, she says ok and does it. When I got there yesterday I told her she didn't look like she was comfortable. She had just woke up and our caregiver, who is GREAT came over to give her the drops. Two hours later, she was given more drops. When I left to go home she did look comfortable, tired but comfortable.

Yesterday was a much better day and I thank God.

Patty

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Patty that was such a great idea!! She must have loved having you guys around her, talking and laughing about past memories. PRICELESS!!

I pray for your mom to be comfortable and soon to be at peace. You are a wonder daughter and this is such a blessing to her.

Peace be with you.

Maryanne

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Patty,

It was wonderful to read your thought of the puzzle and the special time all of you had. I find with my Dad when I make a simple plan, a short visit or conversation, sometimes I think I am trying to get his mind off his pain....I can see how much he appreciates it. It is so hard to know what to do, last week my dad mentioned taking the whole bottle of pills........a fleeting thought but I heard him.

Sending prayers to you and your Mom

NancyT

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