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My Kind of Doctor !!!!!


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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this


A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't

waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up

your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can

extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?

Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?

Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is

nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables

to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source

of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give

you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,

your ratio is one to one.

If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable

oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more

vegetables be

bad for you? !

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the


A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's

the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,

but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate

in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and

screaming "WOO HOO, what a Ride!"

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