jdjenkins Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Hello, I wanted to share my memories and emotions I'm feeling now as my Dad is becoming weaker and weaker. I knew this was a safe place to do this. I'm not much of a writer, but everything came from my heart. Doctor told Dad yesterday no more treatment he is too weak. The doctor was very compassionate. Even saw tears in his ears. It was a very hard day of my family. Thanks for letting me share my feeling. Denise Memories of Dad These are some of the wonderful memories I have of my Dad. I feel so very blessed that God gave me such a wonderful Father. -Dad jumping in the kiddie pool with me on hot summer days after his route. -Washing the car with Dad. -His devilish sense of humor. He loved to tease me. -Class field trip to Taystee Bread. I was so proud of my Dad. I held his hand through the whole field trip. -Taking the bus downtown with friends and walking to Taystee to visit Dad. We always left with a box of warm donuts. -Visiting him at the State Fair. Sitting in his truck and eating donuts! -Asking him to win me a stuffed animal at the fair. He waited until the last day and went to Buy a Bear half price sale. -How he never said a word when mom would buy me all those school clothes every year. -How he loved to see his girls in their new outfits and told us how pretty we looked. Mom always said go show your Dad. -How he loved my mom and taught me so much about having a wonderful marriage. -How he and mom would get dressed up and go out almost every weekend. They loved to have fun together. -How he always worked so hard to support his family. We never went without. -Many beautiful summer days spent on our boat. Dad loved the water almost as much as he loved golf. He gladly gave up many days on the golf coarse to spend with his family. Dad would spend countless hours pulling kids on water skies. We had such great family fun. -Family vacations to destinations that I’m now bringing my kids to. -How he lovingly took in his Father-in-Law when my Grandma passed away. He never complained. -Having him watch my cross country and track meets in high school. -Going to countless High School Hockey Games with him and mom and having so much fun. They were the coolest parents. -How proud he was of me when I graduated from college. -How he never said a word when I would bring home all those goofy boyfriends. -How many countless times he helped me move and move and move in those 20 something years. -Bringing my Dad to see my wedding dress. It was so important to me that he like the dress. I can still see him sitting in the chair at the Bridal Shop. -Dad walking me down the isle at my wedding. -Dancing with him at my wedding to “Wind Beneath my Wings”. I felt so much love for him and was kind of sad. I felt like I was leaving him. Little did I know how much closer we would became over the next 13 years? -How Dad never said a word when I quite my job to stay home with my babies. Even after paying for my college education. -The wonderful memories my children have of years in Florida with Grandma and Grandpa. Those were truly gifts from God and I’m so thankful that we had those opportunities. -What a wonderful Grandpa he was to my children. This is truly where my Dad shined most. I saw a different side of my father with my children. I remember him holding them so sweetly as babies. How they would sleep on his shoulder and how much love I felt for him as I watched him hold my babies. -At the age of 67 he went out and bought himself a pair of hockey skates to teach his grandson how to play hockey. -Dad never missed one of Nick’s hockey games or baseball games until he became to ill. He was in the locker room and behind the bench at all games. I was so proud to have him there. -Dad loved to watch Danielle swim and play basketball. He would sit through hours of sweating in the pool to watch her swim one race. -How much he enjoyed golfing with Jeff and had just started to enjoy golfing with Nick. I really thought they would have years of playing golf together. -How Jeff knew he always had a green light to go to the course when he went with my Dad. I could never say no to my Dad. -Dad was always there for me to help out with the kids. To baby-sit while I worked or went out and had some fun. He helped pick them up from sports and school. Everyone knew Nick and Dani’s Grandpa. Nick had his Papa days McDonalds for lunch and then to the dollar store. -I remember the day I found out my Dad had lung cancer. How my life literally fell apart at the moment. How my heart physically ached. How scared I was. How I knew instantly how much he would rely on me through this journey. How I didn’t think I would ever make it through this with him. How I did not understand how my Dad could get lung cancer he had done the right thing. He had quite smoking so many years ago. -As I watched my Dad receive his chemo, have his hair shaved off and fitted for a wig, receive bad news from the doctor that the chemo wasn’t working. On to radiations and more chemo. Seven weeks of driving him to the U of M and how strong he was in the beginning. He seemed to sail through the treatments. We were sure that radiation would cure him. How devastated we were when his tumor only shrunk 30% from the radiation. Then we found out he had another brain tumor. He started to decline right before my eyes. I tried to be so strong and upbeat around him. I would cry in the car every time I left him. I knew in my heart that he would not make it through this journey. I spent countless hours on the web searching for an answer. Something to save him. It was so hard to watch my Mom go through this with him. To watch her lose the love of her life. I was so afraid I would lose her also. My heart ached for both of them so much. I felt so helpless. I remember calling the Doctor and asking him if we could postpone chemo until my Dad got stronger. Asking him how long he thought me Dad had left with us. How I knew in my heart the answer to that question. How I knew that my Dad would not get his miracle to cure this cancer. I sometimes felt guilty for asking this question. Like I was giving up on Dad, but I just could not stand watching him suffer I needed to know how much longer. Dad did not have physical pain, but he was suffering so much emotionally. He never had a minutes rest from his pain. I could see it in his face everyday, the great pain he was in. When my Dad first got sick I thought maybe it would have been better if I wasn’t so close to my Parents. If I had grown up and moved on to be a little more independent from them. How it might have been easier on me to handle this journey if I wasn’t so close to them. How maybe he would not have asked me all those tough questions, which were so hard for me to answer. But then I think about all I would have missed if that were the case. All the wonderful memories we have shared over the years. All the memories my children would have missed. My relationship with my Dad has brought me so much joy. I never would have had it any different. The pain I’m going through now is worth it for the 41 wonderful years I have had with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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