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GETTING NUMB....SOMEWHAT


shelliemacs

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dont know what black cloud is over my family right now.

Mom still in the hospital. MRI showed no change from 2 weeks ago. 1 spot left. possible a little smaller. not sure if its an active legion or not. still waiting on results from EEG to determine why the Grand Mal Seizure and why she stopped breathing monday night. She is convinced she is going to die in the hospital and nothing we say or do makes any differance. She is very very down. She cries all the time and talks about her dying. Its horrible to not be able to help in any way. She says she is too weak to walk but yet she needs to walk to try to move the pneumonia out of the lungs and try to re-open the collapsed lung. Her legs wobble like jello because she hasn't walked in so long now. she gasps for breath even getting up to use the bathroom. The doctors say it could be a combination of the new chemo (because taxotere causes shortness of breath, and the body rash she has and the itching she has) plus the pneumonia plus the collapsed lung, plus the fact she hasn't had anything but cans of pro-cal in her stomach tube 1 day in the last 12.

they are not calling her terminal at this point. I have told her they would not go through the pain of putting in the g-tube and the chemo port if they thought she was dying. then today the port got twisted and things can go in through it but not out from it. more pain and problems.

ok, then yesturday moms best friend and her husband were traveling on vacation and the husband had a massive heart attack, flipped their van and died. we haven't told mom yet.

then I come to the board today and read about Katie's dad, Rays new mets, Michelle's husband, Gene passing, Ada's hard time, please forgive me for whom ever I am not mentioning but its just too overwhelming.

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!! WHY IS IT ALL GOING ALL WRONG. WE WERE ALL WINNING AND DOING WELL.!!!!!

I am just beside myself, I can't understand why its all going bad again.

its getting to be more than one can take, bear, tolerate, handle and its easier to give up. :cry:

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Oh, Shelly. What a hugh burden you have on your shoulders. It sure does look like everything is going bad. Thank goodness we have the good news post or it would seem like it's all bad. I'm so sorry your mom is going through all this, but I agree with you that they wouldn't put her through it if they didn't think she had a chance of getting better.

You and your mom are in my thoughts today...all day.

Annie

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Shelly, all I could say is that I know how you feel. Dad is not faring well at all, he can barely walk a few paces, he is on oxygen 24/7. He says he can't breath often. He does eat 3 times a day, although not enough. Luckily we have 3-4 people near him 24 hours a day. It's hard to say but I am kind of getting used to seeing my dad like this. There is pretty much no life left in him, emotionally. I don't know, we just have to do the best for our loved ones! You are doing a good job, don't give up just yet.

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Dear Shel,

I agree with the rest and you that if the doctors had given up on her they would not still be treating her. I remember when my mom was in the hospital it was really hard for her to get the rest she needed. She was usually with someone or the nurses would come in for stats and wake her up. It got to the point where I had to tell people to call and then to make the visits shorter. Sometimes I even said that she was having a test that day so she could get some much needed rest. :shock:

Shelly you are doing a great job as a daughter and a caregiver. Please be sure that you are also taking care of yourself.

I am praying the your dear mom has a renewed desire to fight along with the doctors and her family to beat this disease.

Hang in there and keep posting. :wink:

Luv ya hun, Shelly

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Shelly,

You still have your mom, for better or for worse. Her friend's husband didn't have time to say goodbye to either his wife or family. This may sound weird but cancer does give a person time to be with their family, put their lives in order, and hope for a cure.

I know I am not the one with this horrible disease right now but I am glad to have been the caregiver for all the ones I loved all the time I had with them. I have said this before, my sister died suddenly of a massive heart attack and not having that time with her was and still is very hard to get over. I know she didn't suffer and I know my family did some but I think they to enjoyed the time we all had together to prepare the ones left to carry on.

Maybe you can't understand this right now, and maybe you won't have to because your mom may get through this and have many more years ahead, but if not, just sit by her, hold her hand, share funny stories of your youth and how much her love all those years have meant to you. She will then share some with you knowing you are comfortable talking with her....God Bless Shelly...

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Dear Shelly,

I am so very sorry to hear about your mom (and her best friend and husband). I know how you feel when you wonder why bad things continue to happen and when will we get a break. That is how I felt when we found out about my dad's liver cancer. I thought, why me...why can't we get a break...why do both my parents have to be sick...are my parents going to be around to see my daughter grow up. It gets to be too overwhelming for me at times. I find it really helps for me to come to this board, talk to my husband and friends. I need support to help me through all this. This is a lot for you to have to bear and you need support too. You are in my thoughts. Please PM if you need to talk. I wish I could make it better for you. But don't give up hope! Hugs to you.

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Dear Shelly,

I was happy to see your post, but sad about what your Mom and you are going through. Sometimes this all really is too much to bear and you are right-it would be easier to give up, but then I'm not a quitter and I promised myself I would do every thing in my power to get my health back.

You are not a quitter either and although you've chosen the more painful route (emotionally) of helping your Mother through thick and thin, I know you can do this for her now and will continue to help her through this.

You are a wonderful daughter, Shelly. I don't think you will ever need to ask yourself the question--"What is my purpose in life?" You are a wonderful, loving daughter.

Thinking of you,

Ada

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Shelly,

I'm so sorry. It's encouraging about the doctors. And I agree with everyone else, you're doing all you can and spend quality time with your mom right now. Things may very well change. It HAS happened before. It's a huge roller coaster. I'm still praying for you guys and I think of you often..

Numb in Texas Too.

But I still got HOPE>

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shellie,

Sorry to hear about your mom but your right about one thing the doctors must feel she has a chance if they are still plugging along. I lost my father about 5 months ago to heart disease. The doctors told us that there was nothing they could do for him because all his orgins were failing. I got a week to spend with him and tell him how much I loved him. It was great closure for me.

But as for me dont worry im doing great read my post in thr good new forum.

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