I think I made the wrong Choice....

[Jana_W]

Val, you ARE doing an amazing job at getting through this hardest of times. I am glad you recognise that you are doing a pretty good job of it! I also know how it feels to be doing a pretty good job of getting by, yet feeling so torn apart and immensely pained inside. It's weird to have both of these actions going on at the same time. I totally get that you are happy for your Dad that he is able to have happy times with someone, yet you still find it hard. For me, I am so sad that my Mum will never hold my new daughter in her arms. I am very glad for my daughter that she has my mother-in-law to be her Grandma, yet inside of me on some level I find that really hard as well....... because it reminds me of what my Mum is missing out on and what we are all missing out on. I thank that we can feel one way intellectually, but feel an entirely different way emotionally. I find this is the same for the grieving process that has been talked about. I guess that I did acknowledge in the weeks before Mum died that she was probably going to die from her cancer at some stage and I wondered when this would be. Intellectually I knew what was going on. But I was still so shocked when she actually was dying, as emotionally I had blocked out any concept of her dying. And to this day I can still not comprehend never seeing Mum again, even though I know that this won't be happening.

Val, there is so much you are going through. You are separated from your primary support (your hubbie), you are a new Mum, you've just lost your Mum etc. etc. But you are managing to put one foot in front of the other each day and look after your baby girl, and be there for your Dad should he need extra support. Be kind to yourself during this time too and make sure you offer yourself as much love and compassion as you do so many others.

Love

Jana

xxx