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How things are


marta

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Hello friends,

I have not written much about my mom in some time...I've just really been reading posts and replying.

So, I thought I would give you a little update.

Today, my mom is at her fourth chemo session. She has one next week and then shes done..the last one really knocked her out and I'm very very worried about her making it through these next two. We had a round of scans a few weeks back that showed she was responding to initial chemos...all the cancer in her left lung was gone..and the original tumor was stable. No mets anywhere else. I'm not sure about the bone cancer...i think that doesn't ever really "go away" on the scans.

She's being treated in Philly (where Ginny's hubby went!) and our awesome oncologist is participating in a protein trial that uses the staph infection bacteria to kill tumors. It's a Phase I...and an inpatient study. She has to stay in the hospital for five days and have a port put in.

Shes super depressed, and terrified about the port.

I'm living five hours from her...and making it home as much as possible to see her. This weekend is her birthday.

Anyway, thats the story.

I'm battling with the guilt of not being there every minute. I can't help feeling like the clock is ticking. My parents are adamant about me not coming home...I have to respect their wishes..but at the same time..I feel like if something happens to her, I will be guilty about staying in boston forever.

Thanks for listening

Laura

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Laura,

I only live 3 minutes from mom and I as well have horrid guilt when I have to go to work and leave her.

My mom weeps daily because she is scared. she had a port put in last week and it took 45 minutes and she was terrified while we waited with her in the O/R but she didn't remember anything and she was awake coming out of the surgery room.

thats the easy part, the hard part is cheering them up. I haven't figured that out yet.

about the chemo knocking her out. Chemo is cumulative so with each new treatment it gets worse. my mom was begging us to not make her go through anymore after the 5th. he gave her a break and unfortunately thats when the cancer came back. now she is on taxotere and its gentler that carbo/taxol. not without side effects but gentler.

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Hi, Laura. Sounds like your mom is doing okay. The chemo does get worse, but the patient often surprises us and comes through fine. My wife had a very rough time the last two treatments, but got through it okay. She is now on maintenance. We do not expect our children to devote their lives to my wife -- they need some normalcy in their lives. We do expect them to devote more time to their mother than they would normally, and they have done that. Lucie tells them if she thinks they need to do more, and I am proud of her for that, but she also does not expect them to spend all their free time with her. If she were really terminal at this point, it would make more sense, but you might consider if you hover too much it sends the message that you think she will go at any time. We need to do all we can to keep the patient's hopes up. There are many hard decisions with this cancer thing, aren't there? Good luck. Don

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Ditto to Don's statement. We do not want our son to take up space here with us while buddy is going through this. He has a family of three small children and it is very hard on small children when a loved one is ill. It makes it even harder when a parent is away from the small children too so we are happy for him and his family to stop by when they do and don't dwell on us. We are good for each other and I love taking care of my Buddy. Wouldn't have it any other way....our son knows we are capable to handle our lives and respects us for that....yours does too....

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Marta,

I empathize with how you are feeling. My family is adamant that they don't want me there (I live in Las Vegas, they're in Omaha). I am going back this week (Thursday) for mom's cat scan at her request. I was there 2 weeks ago at my dad's request, but my mom made it clear she was not happy to see me and wished I hadn't come. So, I try to balance the guilt of not being there with respect for their wishes. Darn tough balance to achieve for me. I wish I had answers for you, but I don't. I wanted to thank everyone for their words to you, because they helped me too.

The best I can offer you is my thoughts, prayers, and empathy.

Terre

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