rmm17 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 So i am a college student and on the weekends i got out to parties and such with my friends. I usually have a pretty good time, but i when i come home i always feel really guilty. I start to feel terrible for not going home and helping my Mom. She doesnt do anything to make me feel that way, but i still do. Sometimes i even have a hard time going to bed because i get so upset. Does anyone else experience stuff like this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Yup, I felt guilty on Sunday for telling my folks that I wanted to spend the day at home with John and the kids. I had spent all day there Saturday, which is where I wanted to be, and I was kind of stressed on Sunday, feeing they neded me there, but I missed my babies and I can tell John feels left behind. I am off all this week, so I have been there every day heping out. It is hard to balance it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 I made a post today about almost the same thing, except i think my mom sometimes tries to make me feel guilty for doing anything remotely "fun". She has always been kinda like that in the last 10 or so years, but just extra bad these days. I am trying to learn to not let it get to me, we all must have a outlet somewhere.somehow.someway. I am sure your mom would want to to be living your life. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 I'm sorry you are feeling the stress of all of this. My friend's husband has cancer, and the last thing he wants is for his two college-aged kids to sit around moping. I would bet that your mom feels the same way. You can love and support your mom, and still have fun on the weekends, I promise! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Hi Sweetheart! I am the cancer PATIENT! PLEASE go out and have that fun! We need you, BUT need you 100% when it is time. To be that you must have YOUR life and THEN come to help. You are a terrific daughter, but must have a life too. Your mom is so lucky! Don't do one thing different, okay? Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmm17 Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 Thanks for all your support! I know my Mom wants me to have fun, but its still hard. I feel like people think i dont care if i'm out socializing on the weekends. But, you have really helped...thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Yes, do try to have a regular life outside of cancer, as much as it will allow. It will help you and your mom in the long run. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 You going out and having a good time is good for your soul, and your sanity. You have NO reason to feel quilty. Your mom wants you to go and have a good time. She is your mom, she does not want to burden you. If the time comes where you mom really needs you I am sure she will let you know. Take care honey and be good to yourself, Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesbean Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 I feel exactly the same way. You are no alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 you HAVE to blow off some steam no and again, or you'll lose your mind. I felt weird doing anything other than being at my mother's bedside when we were in the thick of it this summer...and I paid the price for it. you can split your time if it makes you feel better - go out one weekend, hang with mom the other. either way, you will be a better support to her if you are a happy, whole woman. as for Kim's point, that can happen, too...when my mother was first diagnosed, I was in a job which required 12-15 hour days, 7 days a week (for about a 2 month period of time). a real once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. mom was adamant that I continue, that I not give it up for her. of course, I saw her frequently and was there for her surgery and the days immediately following, but otherwise continued with my work. after all was said and done, though, she expressed feeling neglected. the 'truth' is usually somewhere in the middle. it's all about balance! you're doing great!! xoxo bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 It's all still pretty new for all of you. I'll bet there's a part of your mind that is still in shock. When all of this first happens, our adrenalin and our "alert! alert! emergency!" inner responses kick in. Part of that is still inside you. So, naturally, you feel mixed up about having a good time when part of your mind and body tells you there's an emergency to handle. (I've been there many times, in many different situation.) I hope it will get easier to be young and enjoy your life as time goes on. I wouldn't want a young person, full of life and with lots of fun to share with others, to give it all up and sit mournfully by my side all the time. Can't imagine your mom wants that all the time either. Seeing you happy and knowing your life is full and satisfying probably gives your mom comfort. Enjoy it all while you can, kiddo! Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I can certainly relate, but echo everyone's response. What has happened to your mom is a terrible thing, an even worse thing would be for you to stop living because of it. I am saying that you for my myself as much as for you! Go out, have fun, let your mom know that you will be there when she needs you 100%...and even when she doesn't need you. But, you can not get down as that does no one any good at all. Being 21 is about living --- do that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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