Jump to content

I "give" I can't do this anymore


Recommended Posts

I'm going to sound like the most horrible person in the world, but I went to the hospital yesterday and my Dad (NSCLC Stage IV) & I got into a few arguments, I left crying. I wrote him a letter after crying all night. I'm leaving him alone, maybe for just a while and maybe forever, I'm not sure right now. I felt like the MOST horrible person in the world, but there's a big history of stories behind it so I hope no one judges me. It'll be something I'll have to live with the rest of my life and I hope it's not one that I'll regret. So, I "give." He's Mr. Hardcore, no emtions and doesn't treat anyone else like they have feelings, and won't let anyone be involved with his doctors or social workers so I quit. I thank everyone here for the posts, but I'm not ever going to another cancer website or look anything up again EVER. He can do this, he's MR. Toughguy. Thanks to you all and I wish the best for everyone here. Thanks, Shordy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 51
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Shordy, you don't sound like a horrible person, you sound like someone who's in a lot of pain. It's obvious how much you love your dad. Maybe having arguments with his daughter is how your dad shows his emotions. Mabye he is trying to keep you from hurting too much. I watched both my dad and mom die of small cell and we had some really bad arguments. Not just between the kids and parents but between the kids. Remember, I'm the one with 10 siblings. The older ones thought they had all the answers and that mom and dad should listen to them.

The bottom line is ... its your dad's disease and he has to make the decisions. My heart just aches for you now because I know you want to be close to your dad and help him in any way you can. Maybe you need a little down time away from him. Get a new perspective...get a new grip.

Shordy ...you need to come back to this website so we can give you the support and positive vibs that you need. Besides you make me laugh when you talk about your siblings It reminds me of my family. I bet you sneak a peek.

I'll be praying for you and your dad.

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

Teet

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Shordy. We haven't spoken before, but my heart is very heavy after reading your latest post. I just looked up all of your previous messages and now have some understanding of what you have been going through. My father is in the middle of lymph cancer treatments. My father is also a "tough guy" - no emotions - the first and only time I have ever seen him cry was when his mother passed away; I've never heard him say, "I love you" to anyone (come to think of it, I've never heard anyone say it to him) but that doesn't mean my brothers and sisters and my mother don't love him, and he us. When you said that you are going to stay away maybe for a while, that made sense; you're fed up with all this cancer stuff, and tired of seeing your father acting mean to others and you need a break. I'm assuming he wasn't mean before he got sick. So you have to know it's the sickness that's affecting his behavior. Others will know this as well.

The part of your latest post that made my heart sink was when said you might stay away for good. Have you had enough time to think about what that really means? Before you answer that, go back and re-read your first post from February 28th. He couldn't walk and you were looking for advice. Near the end of your message you said, "HE'S MY DADDY, AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH." After all you two have meant to each other (I know,

I have two daughters), and after supporting him thus far in his courageous fight with this stinking disease, could you really stay away for good? I would hate to think what you would put yourself through if anything happened to your daddy while you were staying away. Have you read Ocean's post, and the responses to it in the SCLC forum, subject - "My Daddy fought hard"?

I now would like to appologise for being so candid and assuming that I have any right to impose my thoughts on you in this time of anguish for you and your family, but I am speaking from a loving father's perspective.

Perhaps I'm speaking FOR your father, because he's not able to think straight right now. I hope you change you mind, and I also hope I haven't offended you. Sincerely,

David Piercy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Shordy my heart aches for you as well. I can see the pain that you are in. It sounds like you need a break to take care of you. I understand how you feel. I have been in a similar place ... altough not the same as your situation. My Mom is so sweet.. for the most part and always has been..to see her "not that way" was a true shock :shock: and we had some bad times, I believe in my heart that it was the cancer and drugs... at one point i even thought the cancer had spread to her brain. A nurse actually gave me a booklet on the Psych of the patient and the stages that they are going through, it helped me. You got to the point where you relived the past to validate the situation too.. please don't go there.. not now! I know that you love your father so much it is so apparent by all your posts... you are in desperate need of connecting with him and getting "love" now more than ever as he is your father and you are an exceptional daughter! This is frustrating as hell for both of you!! Man if i was in the hospital that long.. i probably would have to be down the hall... on my own unit.. cause no one would want to be around me! hahahha :lol:

While we are on this subject... I just want to say to all that my mom has a teenager at home and after talking heart to heart to our teenager.. I realized that they internalize this disease in a much different way than an adult does. I had no idea the effect this cancer was having on our precious loved one that we are so proud of. I can't stress this enough.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy,

How sad. During the first few months of my husbands illness he was somewhat mean to me, not to anyone else, just me. I finally yelled at him and told him I would not allow him to be mean to me. It was not his personality, I KNOW it was this damn disease and all of the meds he was taking.

Each patient has to figure out how to handle this disease. It is a real test. I can understand why you need a break. I have gotten a part time job for a lot of reasons - needed it intellectually, financially and probably most important emotionally. My husband can do without me for a few hours now - so getting out with other people, getting my mind off the cancer, etc, etc, etc. has be very good for me.

But when I get home I am SO glad to see him. I have really missed him.

Take a break, you need it. But go back, if not for him, do it for you. You need to know in your heart that you did the right thing. And, I have got to believe, that no matter how bad your father shows it, he will be happy to have you there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy,

After all our chats I think you and I are alike. My dad has pretty much been emotionless too. Tough guy, works hard, food on the table..yadda yadda yadda....We never knew any different, and we all lived that way for 29 years...then the cancer came, and our lives changed (Parts of it changed for the better!) In the beginning it was hard. I never knew what he was thinking, he'd be mean to my mom or snap at us! I believe the medicene made him so terrible. In december he almost died in the hospital, came home from the hospital, quit smoking, quit being a meanie, and started showing us all how he feels. Not a day goes by that he doesn't hold my hand or give me a hug and tells me he loves me. HE NEVER DID THIS BEFORE! I always knew he loved me by his actions (working hard, reliable, strong) but now he shows me by telling me and hugging me. It's a tough time, those first few months. Hell shordy, it's tough no matter how much time passes, but you learn to deal with it alittle better each day. Think about the shock your dad is still in, think about how you'd be in his shoes, and think about how guilty he might be feeling for putting you guys through so much pain. It's miserable, but we do it because we love them, and we do it because we still can...

Take care my friend, whatever you do, know that you have people here who really care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest DaveG

Shordy:

One of the emotions I experienced, during the early stages of LC, was, believe it not, Anger. I lashed out at everything and everybody. I got angry with my wife, the doctors, life and what it had dealt me; angry because I could no longer, physically, put in the time to my work in the manner that I was used to. It is an emotion that probably many on this board have experienced, and it is one that we don't, generally, like to talk about.

At one of the LC Support Group meeting at the U of Wisc Cancer Center, we addressed anger. Each and everyone of us admitted to being angry about having LC. It was an eye opener for me, as I had never seen any of my fellow group members express that emotion before. I found that it was actually an emotion that I had tried, and still try, to suppress. I don't like that emotion, but sometimes the suppression of that comes to the top and I lash out. My poor wife has had to put up with some outbursts with me, but she has realized that she is not the reason for my outbursts, it is the LC.

I am relating all this, as this could be where your father is with his LC. He has tried hard to suppress his anger and it suddenly came to the surface and you happened to be with him when it happened.

The emotion of anger should probably even be discussed here and I will open a topic for that purpose.

Shordy go back to your father and show him how much you care. Once he knows that, both of you will probably be ok.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy,

I agree with what everyone has said from the view as either a cancer patient or family member. Let me also add some insight as a health care member who has work with some very sick patients. A lot of the time our patients are very angry, it is hard to care for them, but we understand that it is the circumstances and the medications that cause this reaction, so we try our hardest not to take it personally and to do our best for the patients, and to be patient. Most of the times we are rewarded, and the patient finally decides to turn all the energy previously used in anger, into fight. I hope this will happen with your Dad. Give him a little time, and if you need space that is fine, but keep supporting him. He needs it, even if he pretends not to want it. You may want to talk to social work yourself, or someone else for support.

Take care Shordy, you will be in my thoughts and prayers,

Faylene[/b]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy-

I can understand your frustration and your pain.

It's very possible that your father, feeling some regrets over past failures in his life, is trying to push you away from him.

I believe sometimes people facing the big "C" - are so intimidated by the disease, all they "see" is that they are going to be leaving. In an effort to make their leaving easier on the ones they love, they push them away...by thoughts, words or deeds.

He is probably very angry right now. It's a normal reaction - especially at the very beginning. He wants to CONTROL something - and since he can't control the disease...or possibly even the medical process, he will try to control you - his child. The one that he had "control" over years ago as he was responsible for your upbringing.

This is not to excuse his behavior...I don't think cancer warriors HAVE to be rude, cruel or angry. It's still a choice they make. But it is harder for them in the midst of the battle to make the right choice due to the illness, the drugs, etc.

But you also have a choice Shordy - You can choose to forgive or you can choose to remain hurt and angry.

Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It's not about whose at fault. It isn't saying nothing happened. It says there has been a FAULT committed and I choose to forgive you for it. It's so that you can move on with your life and love. It's not tolerating bad behavior, it's forgiving it and moving on.

A time out is a good thing...take time to collect yourself and remember how much you love the man...in spite of his faults...in spite of his uncontrollable pain that he is feeling right now. He does need you and your support.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.....Cancer is more than a physical thing...it's about learning who they are and who we are....You can become a better person through all this or a bitter person. The choice is yours Shordy. And I believe you are too loving, too kind and too intelligent to let this momentary problem destroy you.

Love and hugs,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My father in law was my first real experience with lung cancer. The family did not talk about it. I felt very frustrated--this was not how I wanted to handle it. But then I read somewhere that the patient gets to choose how he wants to handle it. So I tried to let it go.

I found other places to seek comfort. It was actually at that time that I went back to church. It was so overwhelming that I had to just go to God for comfort. I also found safe places to release. I remember several times just going away for the day. That was the best to recharge.

I also think that generation doesn't express like ours does.

Blessings to you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy, it is okay to be angry and to express yourself. As someone said, it is a sign you need to take care of yourself. When I start getting overwhelmed and frustrated, I realize it is time to express myself to someone other than my wife, and also to do something for myself -- take a walk in the park, go to a movie, visit a friend. I think your anger compels you to feel like you want to give up, but you can get through this. Your father's generation came through the Depression and WWII and they (especially the men) think they can do it all themselves. You can't help your dad if he doesn't want to receive it. But you can tell him you love him. I don't think we tell our parents, children, friends enough that we love them. That is something you can control -- you can tell him you love him. He needs to hear it whether it is received like you think he should or not. You will be glad you did. And we have to say "I love you" without expecting reciprocation. Give it as a gift. This is a time to mend and not tear down. But you can only do your part -- your dad has control of what he does. I am sure he is quite frustrated and scared, and says and does things to cope with it. I am sorry that has hurt you, but we do need to forgive others, not for them but for us. We need to have that peace. My prayers are with you. Take some time for yourself -- treat yourself -- try to relax. Then go back to your dad and love him, warts and all. Blessings and grace. Don

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy,

First off I think you need one HELL of a HUG (((((((((SHORDY)))))))))

Next I need to say, I can't say anything else that all the rest haven't already said. They all took the words right out of my mouth.

And last, I WANT TO EXPRESS that I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE US!!! I THINK YOU NEED TO STAY RIGHT HERE where we can all walk through this nightmare with you!!! I only hope you will be checking these messages and that you will notice how much we all care and understand what your going through. Yes, your dad is going through a LOT, but my dear SO ARE YOU!!!! ((((((((((((((SHORDY))))))))))))))))

Warm and Gentle Hugs,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Fay A.

Shordy,

If he's angry with the world the idea of leaving it isn't so bad. Or at least that's what we tell ourselves sometimes. This is so hard on everyone.... If you haven't found a place to provide solace for you then do so ASAP. Your Dad isn't the only one in you family being impacted by lung cancer. I lost my Mom to lung cancer in 1991. I'm glad that I stuck it out, even though she and I had a lifelong "Gasoline fumes and a lit match" kind of relationship for most of those years. Don't get me wrong. I loved her and still do. But taking care of her was one of the most difficult things I've ever done... and it was one of the most rewarding. Best Wishes... Fay

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest budswife

Hi, Shordy!

I can't imagine what you are going through but just want you to know that you are surrounded with loving and wise folks on this message board..so please don't leave!

They have given you a lot of advice and all of it is good. I can't understand it all but it seems from what you said that you and your father have had some hard times in the past. I can relate to that. My father died 8 years ago (not from LC) but nevertheless, I have had some regrets as we all do when a loved one dies...But we can't change our past. Think about all this and pray about it and do what you know is right to do. You don't want to have to look back and have regrets.

God bless you, much love and hugs to you...I know right now you need them!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

shordy;

i am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. it isn't an easy journey for you either. i used to get frustrated with my dad also. we had a few arguments ourselves. but i never let it go on for more than an hour. afterwards i would go to him and tell him i was sorry for the fight, that i was just scared. he usually apologized too. after a couple of arguments it was too upsetting to me to get angry. so when my dad would talk about his cancer i would go over, give him a hug and tell him how sorry i was about what was happening. i have never heard a more sincere thank-you. sometimes, all we can do is listen and be sympathetic. sympathy comes from the heart.

i hope to see you soon...............this certainly isn't easy, but none of the best things in life come to us easily.

thinking of you and your dad,

mirrell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To each and every one of you super nice people who've taken the time to write me and try and help me. I thank you all so much.... I've read each and every note and then read them again. I guess I may be a typical "kid" who always sees their parents through different eyes, even if they are or were a "bad" person, we always love them and think they're great. It's time to be very honest, my Dad hasn't been such a "great" person his whole life, even though he did terrible things to my Mother when they were married and once he beat the crap out of me when I was a teenager. But I've always loved him and think he's the greatest, and I've never asked for an apology for the beating and just forgave him. Through the years, I've always driven a good distance to see him, just to stop in, say hi, give him a hug and to tell him I love him, which by the way took me years to hear it said back to me. I've never asked for anything and he's always treated me good since. I've also never ever saw my Dad kiss or hug anyone except me, I've also never saw anyone else attempt it but me. I've never heard anyone tell him that they love him, except me. But I do know how he can be and IS to other family members, domineering, demanding and oh so critical. I don't know how they've taken it, I know it's been hard. Maybe I've not been around long enough at a time to give him a chance to "tongue lash" me, who knows. As far as anyone else can see though, it's a different story...hard working, good man, most everyone likes him that I know of. Okay, now that I've said that, maybe you can understand why I had to "take a break." It's not a case of a super sweet person having cancer and their situation now making them this way. He takes a pain pill ever now and then, he's not been taking any chemo since the first of February. Yes, I do understand that this must be so horrible for him to deal with, I can't even imagine, I know it kills me to see him in this situation, so I can't imagine being in his shoes. I feel so terrible for him, it breaks my heart. But I visit him and hear him talk about the few (3) family members that come to see him, one only being the mother of his step grandaughter. They go so out of their way to be with him and help him and he's still not appreciating anything they do. My Stepmom is in bad health herself and he expects her to jump through hoops, it makes me so mad to hear him say anything against her, she's doing everything she can for him. So, the other day, I saw this stuff coming out of his mouth as "typical" Daddy. I tried very hard to not leave and to understand how emotional he is and what he's going through, but isn't there a point in which a person can try and change their hateful ways, especailly at a time like this when they're doing everything humanly possible for them. We're helpless and that stinks, it makes us cry a lot. Like I said, it breaks my heart in two to see him with this horrible disease and for not being able to walk, but can't he ever realize that how he's talked to people in the past may not get him very far, especially with me. I've always been a giver not a taker, been very good to him and I didn't appreciate him treating me like that when I'm trying to deal with this too. I hope I'm not sounding selfish but if he thinks that his little attitude that he's always had is going to be okay with me, he's wrong. I don't want to dessert him at all, I feel so bad staying away this long, but in the letter I wrote him, I had to tell him of course at first how he made me feel, I told him I'm so sorry about his situation, and then I told him that I'm not 10 years old any more and that I don't have to take orders from him and I won't, and I don't have to deal with people that doesn't treat me very well, Father or not. My Stepmom told him last night that he's dwindling us down, my sister doesn't even want to go see him, he's left with mainly just his Wife if my sister doesn't go back, he's really brow beat her to death! How she's stuck around I'll never know. But I do know that I love my Dad and I always will, I would give him one of my lungs if I could, hell, I'd give him my right arm if he needed it! But isn't there a point where we (at least family) should be treated like human beings too? My sister is use to hearing him talk bad to her, I'm not, it killed me, so since I know he hasn't changed overnight, I don't know what to do now...do I go back and realize that I have to change myself and the position I thought I had in his life and know that it'll probably happen again or do I just realize that he's going to be who he is and just stay away to avoid any more bad feelings? I honestly don't know what to do, I feel so stuck right now and I think of him every second of the day, I call my Stepmom at least 2 times a day to see how he is. I really hope you can understand how I'm feeling, I would do anything in the world to take his cancer away and to have him able to walk, but I can't and I'm so sorry for that. I didn't mean to write a 50 page letter, but I really wanted you caring people to try and understand why I said what I did. I am taking a break right now and haven't decided on whether or not to go back, maybe someone can help?? I thank you all so much for your loving support, I so appreciated it all, every note touched my heart...Love Shordy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Shordy,

I'm so glad that your back!..Yeah... :lol: Okay after reading your last post I have even more respect for you and what you are going through. You are a wonderful daughter and as if it isn't bad enough to have to go through cancer now you have to face all these other issues simply because you are experiencing this life altering disease :cry: Like i said in my post my Mom was always sweet, so it is easy to forgive her... but my father was a meanie and he is a package deal with my Mom. I find myself getting so irritable with my father.. I want to be alone with my Mom to enjoy her...I feel quilty when I say this but I keep thinking...of the two why my sweet mother??? I don't want to lose her and just have him! Oh i'm so terrible...I know my irritablity.. i hate it!... why can't i just accept it and move on... I always want to tell men to f...ck off, leave me alone. Got a bad attitude.. Now one sick or not has the right to treat you bad.. or put you down! You have to keep being good to yourself! I'm glad that you wrote him a letter to express how you feel. If I were in your situation I would probably stay away for a few days to make my point.. and then visit and check in with the staff but keep it short especially if he is not in a good mood. I am sorry that you have to go through this and i wish i had some better advice for you... But i think that it is great that you came back to work through this... because even though are parents aren't perfect we will always love them! I hope that you will find peace of mind and I'm sure someone has some better advice for you than I. I will pray for you and just want to say to you again that you are a good loving person and I wish nothing but the best for you.

Praying for you and your father.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi All,

Sorry i got so worked up in my last post.. got angry too. :roll: I'm not going to let cancer or anything make me bitter! Read Shannon's post and loved it. Just went to church and have reevaluated my walk with the Lord.. I pray for inner peace and church helps me to get there. There is no psychologist or earthly wisdom that can make sense of what we are faced with.. only our walk with the Lord. I pray for strength as I am a loving person and i know that all here are too. I pray for us as we are faced with the challenges. We are here to help, love and support all. We are blessed to have family and many friends.

Laurie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy, I understand your frustration with your father.

My father-in -law is the same way. He's a tough, military man with six kids and a real shi#@$ attitude! He has had several brushes with death and, this probably sounds stupid, but each time I have expected him to have some type of realization that he must make it known to his family that he cares about them. I mean, I always thought that being stricken with an illness such as cancer, or in my father-in-laws case emphasema and heart disease, that they gain perspective about what is really important in life. And that is the LOVE OF YOUR FAMILY, especially your children! I mean, it always happens in the movies, right. "On Golden Pond" and all that. I think that when someone isn't getting 'THE BIG PICTURE', than the rest of us that have been saying "oh, thats just the way he is" and have that sort of acceptance of the persons toughness are left heartbroken and disappointed. Because, well, why does ANYONE, especially a caring family member, deserve to be treated that way? And there are no clear answers. But I do believe that showing love for someone puts one in a very vunerable place, and takes more strength than it does to be the "hard-*ss". Showing love for someone, and letting your guard down leaves you open to being refused, or embarrassed, and (especially in the case of your children) it leaves you open to be afraid-afraid of loosing them, afraid of not being seen as a pillar of strength, afraid that if -God forbid-something were to happen to them (be it your grown children, small children, spouse) you would somehow suffer more. Hurt more. And for someone like your dad or my father in law, that is MORE FRIGHTENING than getting them so pissed off that they CHOOSE to leave you alone. It seems screwed up, but I think it makes perfect sense. They forget that the love that they are bottling up is ultimatly the most beautiful emotion you could have. That the rewards are boundless. They are so focused on maintaining a certain "cool". They believe that in doing so that if/when the sh#@ hits the fan, they will be somehow protected from the heartache.

Thats just my opinion. I am sorry that I didn't get the opportunity to post to you earlier, but you have been on my mind. All I'm trying to say, is that you have EVERY RIGHT to be frustrated and angry and to take whatever break you need. There are no rulebooks on how to be a good parent, to small children or adult ones. And I hope that you find the strength to take the time for yourself, and to also do in the longrun what would allow you to be able to look at your reflection in the mirror and not finding yourself saying "I should have" or "I shouldn't have". We all have limits. And you deserve to be treated in a loving way, as do the rest of your family.

All I can say, is that you know you love your dad, and so does he. And he loves you, too. We all have different ways to show it. Its kind of like, when it comes to Love, you speak English, and your dad speaks-I don't know-Galic. You don't understand his language, and he can't speak yours. But the love is still there.

Well, I hope this was of some help to you. I know what you mean, the whole "turn the other cheek" thing gets tiresome. It's like :evil: "This cheek is sore as hell, and this one ain't stupid", so what do you do? You take a break and vent to us. Just like what you did. Continue to take care of yourself, and keep posting!! Deb

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shordy, yes, he should behave better. But you can't control that. I agree with those here that you should take a few days off, enjoy your peace, and then when you do go back, make it short, especially if he starts getting to the badmouthing. All you can control is what you do and say. I am sorry you have ill will of the years as part of this terrible package you have been dealt. It is hard enough. I cannot imagine what that is like. But forgiveness is not about him, it's about you, and being at peace with yourself. You can make it clear you don't want to hear the bad stuff and walk out. Keep telling him you love him, as you say you do. Love the person, but not the behavior, I've heard in cases like this. Hopefully, it will penitrate through. My prayers are with you. Stay with us, and feel free to share whatever is on your mind. We care. Don

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is hard to deal with a parent who cannot give us what we need. I know, I have spent many hours with the therapist over this. Through my adulthood I have worked on changing the "picture" of what the parent-child relationship "should" look like, but I was still banging my head on the brick wall. With the therapy now I am learning to go elsewhere for the validation I so desparately seek. And surprise, surprise, I am even starting to find it within.

It's very difficult to talk about, and I admire your courage for being so open about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks to everyone here for so much love & support. I just wanted to tell you all that I swallowed real hard and picked the phone up & called Daddy at the hospital and just told him that I love him. I told him that I didn't want to go to sleep tonight without telling him that. We didn't mention anything about me coming to see him, I just left that alone. I will go back, probably not for a bit, but I will. I told him that I have feelings too, after I had acknowledged that I didn't know how horrific it must be for him, but I'm having a hard time too and that I'm a big bowl of jello when it comes to him, he did something out of character and said "in my situation you don't think of anyone else." Which I thanked him for his honesty, I needed to hear that, I wanted to know that whenever he's mean that it IS mainly his illness and not just all "Daddy being Daddy." So, thank you all so much, you'll all never know how all of your notes have went straight to my heart! Thanks, Shordy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.