Karma1976 Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 I will say what most have, come here for support and do not leave! I hear you on the father figure being the way you described. (MY MOTHER IS CURRENTLY I THINK UP FOR SAINT STATUS) I think now more than any time he needs to have you around, I think he will come around and realize his faults. My dad does after his tongue-lashings!! I got in a fight with him a week and a half ago, he made my mom cry so I called up to say hey take an easy on her cause she has been dealing with a lot. Well, holy god! Not sure if it was the steroid shot he just got and was on a roid rage or just his typical temper but for 5 minutes he screamed at me on the phone and hung up on me. I was soo soo mad and thought wow what an ungrateful SOB with is attitude towards my mom and telling me off for defending her. He eventually apologized and I eventually thought you know what, he has a LOT of emotions going on in his head I can not even fathom. I know it is hard and I HEAR you about the type of person your dad is, I can relate in more ways than I care to elaborate but try to hang in there for his sake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyB Posted March 10, 2003 Share Posted March 10, 2003 Shordy, I really feel for what you are going thru. I've had issues w/my father, a self-centered s.o.b. who hurts everyone around him. When he was only hurting me, I could deal w/him, but when he hurt people I love (especially my 2 daughters) I had to write him off. Father or not. No one deserves to be brutalized, physically or emotionally, by ANYONE! I have not had anything to do w/my father for years. He is a nobody to me now. I have moved on. BUT, it sounds like you still love your father. So do whatever YOU are comfortable doing. Do not let anyone emotionally blackmail you into doing something you don't want to do. And don't blackmail yourself. It's bad enough you have to deal w/your father's cancer, and it's awful that you have to deal w/nastiness, too. People may tell you that you'll regret not doing what they tell you you should do. I'm here to tell you that honesty w/yourself is of utmost importance. My mother died a few weeks ago. It was a meaningless event to me. I am not heartless, just honest. JudyB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shordy Posted March 11, 2003 Author Share Posted March 11, 2003 Judy & Karma thanks for sharing this with me. You know, I guess it does boil down to whatever a person can deal with and however they can deal with it. I had mentioned about me sending him a letter, well, I wasn't sure if he'd read it or what. For some reason yesterday I ended up going down there, I thought my Stepmom was going to be there, well, did I get my payback...when I walked into his room he looked absolutely horrible, terribly red eyes and had a bath towel in his lap crying, he was all alone, I had never seen my Dad cry, he kept on crying while I was there for quite a few minutes. I didn't know what was wrong or what to do, I wanted to go run out in front of a train or something. I asked him if he'd gotten the muscle biopsy back, I thought maybe he had gotten some bad news. He said no. Then about 20 minutes later, I saw my letter on his table opened, he'd just gotten it. I thought, oh my gosh, I caused this. I asked him if he'd read it and he shook his head yes. I felt like the biggest heel in the world. All I said about the letter was "remember that I sent that when I was mad." Then we started working our way back up, he hadn't ate his dinner, he said he didn't have an appetite. Well, he quit crying we started telling stories and having a couple heart to heart talks and he actually said that he'd said something to my sister that he'd regretted, that was a first, he said nice caring things about my stepmom and we had the best visit. He actually got hungry, craved Long John Silvers and I went and brought back a bunch of food, he ate good. As I was leaving I told him bye and the lady in there said "is that your Dad?" and she said "you can tell, you look just like him" and me & Daddy smiled so big, I thought, okay, now I won't ask for anything for Christmas. So, I did get my payback for opening my big mouth but maybe after all it did some good, I just hate it that I had to hurt him so bad for him to come around. Thanks to you all for your support. Me & Daddy are alright and I'm and I'm so glad. Shordy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 11, 2003 Share Posted March 11, 2003 God I love a happy ending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 11, 2003 Share Posted March 11, 2003 I love those kind of endings, too! Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted March 11, 2003 Share Posted March 11, 2003 Shordy: I knew I had the tissue box, next to my computer for a reason. That's good news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Shordy - I'm so happy things worked out for you and your dad. I'm a real sucker for happy endings! Love and hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Hey Shordy, And they lived happily ever after!!! Oh I am so glad to hear you and your daddy made amends!! Bless you BOTH!!! Two broken hearts are now ONE!! Warm and Gentle Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David P Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 This is what good soap operas are made of! Shordy, I wish I had Dave's box of tissues, I'm still using my shirt sleeve. It's really nice to see things work out for the best. Somebody should post this in the "Good News" forum. Take care of daddy, Shordy. So long for now, David P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shordy Posted March 12, 2003 Author Share Posted March 12, 2003 You guys are just too sweet!! Daddy is now hoping to get accepted into a rehab type place to learn to walk or at least to learn to use a wheelchair and do some things for himself so that he can go home, he just wants to go home, poor Daddy. I hope he gets accepted. Again, thanks everyone, you're all just way too kind and thoughtful!! Shordy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Shordy, glad you had a break. I was just wondering, had they found out what was causing his legs to swell? Was it the Iressa? My dad is in the hospital now, his calf and foot were swollen. It turned out to be a HUGE bloodclot! But they put a cathiter in his abdomen to filter out this or any OTHER blood clots he may get in the future, so that they get filtered out and don't reach the heart or lungs. Anyway, just glad to see you posting. Sometimes writing down your feelings allows the other person to really GET what you're feeling. It dosn't allow for them to become defensive. They have to take it all in. I am so glad to hear that you got to have such a heartfelt moment with your dad. You said you just sort of showed up at the hospital, and didn't really know why you were going there. When you got there your dad was along, and crying, and you were able to have a couple of heart to heart talks. Sounds like his invisible forcefield was down and you were lucky enough to be there!!! Well, maybe a little guardian angel was on your shoulder, gently whispering that you needed to be there . In any case, I love when things like that happen. When we do something that we weren't really planning on, and than something miraculous happens. So glad that you were able to share your feelings with your dad. Continue to take care, Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shordy Posted March 12, 2003 Author Share Posted March 12, 2003 Hi Deb, glad to hear that they're taking care of your Dad's blood clot. Wow, that's scary. All of the fluid got taken care of with lasix for Daddy. It's all gone now but he can't stand or walk or move his legs very much. He did get accepted into the rehab place and is moving today. He's very scared that he can't do the rigorous activities that they're going to be putting him through, he's at least hoping to learn to use a wheelchair so he can go home. They said that they program lasts on an average of 2 weeks, some don't last that long, they can't handle it. Let's all cross our fingers! I hope he's not disappointed, he's going to give it his all he says. Thanks again, Shordy And best to you all and your families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosanne Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Shordy, I just read you updates. I'm so glad everything worked out between you and your dad. Let's hope the rehab goes ok for your dad. Rosanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Hi Shordy, I'm glad that you and your father made up.. I will continue to pray for both of you. Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Shordy God bless you and your Dad. My husband and I argued today and I feel so guilty now. I understand the torment you are going through and pray for your father. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shordy Posted March 13, 2003 Author Share Posted March 13, 2003 Peg, thanks for sharing that. I know how hard it is to just be in a daughter/father relationship with this horrible disease, so I can't imagine it being my Husband, my heart goes out to you. I guess everything happens for a reason, and hopefully something good will come of it. I wish you the very best through this journey. My Dad is now in the rehab place and seems to like being around more people. I hope they'll be able to get him to where he can at least go home, even if it's with a wheelchair. Hugs to you, Shordy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Sounds like a great plan for yor dad to me, Shordy. All the best. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Hoping for wonderful results Shordy! Faylene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Shordy, I'll be praying that the light continues to grow brighter for you and your dad and family members. Hang in there, girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shordy Posted March 14, 2003 Author Share Posted March 14, 2003 Thanks Tiny, Fay & Don! A little bit of GREAT news...Daddy stood yesterday! Now, he couldn't do it the first or second time but the third time, they stood him up and let go and he stood, held his own weight up by himself! He's so excited, he's now wheeling around all over the place in a wheelchair, that's what my stepmom says, I've not got to see him yet. My stepmom asked if he wanted her to come up tomorrow and he said no she could wait til Sunday, wow, that's a change, he's just got too many things to do I guess, isn't that so neat?? Just got back from my 3-legged baby Kodi's cancer checkup appt., and she got great news, she got a great report, the best ever. The cancer hasn't spread and if it goes til August which will be 2 years, she will only have to have yearly checkups!! So, I guess that means she's pretty much out of the woods. So, good news all around! Again, thanks so much for everyone's support! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 Shordy, I am so happy that things have turned out well. I know what has occurred has meant a further closeness between you and your father. He treasures it now and in the future, this will be something you never regret and treasure more and more. I am pleased to hear about your father getting on his feet. May the next few weeks be full of further feats for your father. Mirrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teetlee Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 Hi Shordy, I'm so happy to hear the great news about your dad being able to stand. It sounds like things are better for you and your dad. I remember when my father was ill with sclc and it was my day to care for him. I had to shave him and I was petrified. But when I got done he said to me, " Of all the girls (7) you have the softest touch." I cried for hours. This was probably the nicest thing my father ever said to me. He died a few days later. Teet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shordy Posted March 16, 2003 Author Share Posted March 16, 2003 Oh Teetlee, I also had so shave my Dad once and I had never used an electric razor on ayone! He told me to quit stabbing at it! Oh well, I was trying, but your story was so neat, Daddy's can say the littlest of things and make us cry can't they? Guess what???? My Husband & I (the best Husband in the world) went to see Daddy yesterday, the first time at the rehab place, now mind you this bedridden man for over a month has been at this rehab place for 2 1/1 days, first we walk in and his eyes lit up and says "I walked" well, I'm very good at not crying but that news made me cry and my Husband too! He said that by using the paralell bars, he walked about 10 feet!! He said that they told him that they don't use the word "can't" around there! He was so proud! Daddy walked! He can't stand up on his own but he's learned to use the slide and get into a wheelchair and he's now talking about going back to work (welding) and going fishing, planting a garden and doing anything he wants to! I can't tell everyone just how happy I am!!!! Daddy's going to walk out of that place!! He's a miracle in progress, thanks to all of your prayers! Thanks so much to everyone!! Lots of love, Shordy My Daddy has hope and sees a light at the end of the tunnel... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Those rehab places can do wonders. I went to one after my heart surgery and Lucie has gone to them for her knees. So good to hear your wonderful news. Say, "Hi!" and keep it up!" to your dad for us. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 I'm going to sound like the most horrible person in the world, but I went to the hospital yesterday and my Dad (NSCLC Stage IV) & I got into a few arguments, I left crying. I wrote him a letter after crying all night. I'm leaving him alone, maybe for just a while and maybe forever, I'm not sure right now. I felt like the MOST horrible person in the world, but there's a big history of stories behind it so I hope no one judges me. It'll be something I'll have to live with the rest of my life and I hope it's not one that I'll regret. So, I "give." He's Mr. Hardcore, no emtions and doesn't treat anyone else like they have feelings, and won't let anyone be involved with his doctors or social workers so I quit. I thank everyone here for the posts, but I'm not ever going to another cancer website or look anything up again EVER. He can do this, he's MR. Toughguy. Thanks to you all and I wish the best for everyone here. Thanks, Shordy well hun you are not at all, i have a girlfriend with lc i hav know here over 2 yrs but we have meet only 3 times in all that time she is from the usa and im from england she has only known about the lc for about 12 weeks,i care for her so much i would give her the world ,but its not knowing about lc and what will come of it in the end she is at stage 4 ,god knows what that is she will not talk about it to me, so to me its not knowing, that hurts,she has had a hard life but then we meet i always make her smile and laugh, but deep down in me its not knowing , so i will wait tell she is ready to talk,if she does, i do know how you are hurting, i feel the same, i just wish some one would tell us about this, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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