mollysbaby Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 I am my mother's baby girl. My mom has been diagnosed with small cell carcinoma. I know the statistics and know that the are grim. I am 32 years old and scared my mother will die. She is the only parent that my sister and I have ever had, besides our grandparents (which are deceased). I am mad at my mother!!! Smoking has done this to her..and she is still smoking. Her oncologist told her today that she has an 80% survival rate for the first year, 50% survival rate for the second year, and 20% survival rate for the third year. I don't know what to do. My husband and I live with her, so I see her everyday. Actually, I've either seen or talked to my mom almost everyday of my life. I don't know what I will do without her. Am I being selfish?? I have cried everyday since we found out the bad news. I want to do everything I can for her while she is here, but I can't neglect my husband nor myself. I do whatever she asks of me....except buy her cigarettes. I need some support and so does she. I talk to my co-workers and friends, but they don't understand. My sister is the kind of person that keeps her feelings inside and shows no emotions. If anyone has any uplifting support they can give me, I would greatly appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Hello Abra - Sorry you have to be here. However, you have found the best site for help, resources, and to meet wonderful people. The feelings you are experiencing are normal. I too WAS mad at my mom at first. Now I realize that just because she smoked (so did I) she did not cause this but may have only contributed to the inevitable. Please enjoy your mom and embrass each other and keep/find faith in God and things will work out. Welcome aboard and feel free to ask many questions as there always is at Dx and through treatments and recovery. Heidi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome, Abra. First off, it's your mother's decision whether she smokes or not, knowing what we all know. You can support her by not nagging her about it at this point. Fighting the disease should be the priority. Second, 20% of women and 10% of men who get lung cancer have never smoked -- my wife is one of those. And, third, no one knows how much time any one person has -- statistics are just averages, and old averages at that. My wife was given 9 months and she is presently more than 3 years from diagnosis. So your mom has plenty of hope to fight this beast. Good luck to you both. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome to the board Abra! Check out this sticky in the SCLC forum it is full of great advice : Here's What I Did To Fight SCLC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome Abra: I guess the doc felt he had to give your mom some idea of where she was at by letting her know of the statistics. It is best that you and her just forget about the statistics and think about the treatment plan. Find out all you can about what the options are for teatment. Many people with advanced cancer have survived for years and are still going. The statistics are a little behind the times anyway. I hope your mom finds a good treatment plan that keeps the disease stable. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Yes, Abra, Very important to Ignore those statistics! If we all paid attention to them, we would not exist I don't think. We would have shriveled up and died a long time ago! I have faith that this illness can be overcome through good treatment, a good attitude, positive thinking, good emotional and spiritual balance, rest and anything else that sounds good, add it to the equation to succeed. Gotta have good love all around... lots and lots of love! I exited the room pronto when things weren't sounding pretty around me. I woke up and decided that I don't have to listen to things that disturb my serenity. Through this, you will need as much support as your Mom. It is tough on the caregivers as well. There are quite a few people here who have been exactly where you are right now. Scared and maddern' tacks. Things will be changing in your life from day to day if they haven't started to already. Lots of emotions come and go. Let them. We are all here for you. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Abra, Take those statistics, print them up and line the bottom of a bird cage with it, there useless. Knowledge is the key. The more one learns, the better off one is. Read peoples profile, plenty of us still here far after our prognosis. Take it one step and one day at a time. Stay positive and focused. Be pro-active. Not saying it is easy but it is doable. I would also suggest your mom join a support group if possible. Helps to see people in person. See how they do it, what they do, how they do it etc. Hope this helps. Prayers for the best. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesbean Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Hello Abra, welcome. I know it's easier said than done, but please ignore the statistics. They do not determine the outcome for your mom. I hope you find comfort here, as I have. God bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 everyone has already said what I want to: 1. welcome. you are HEARD, understood and cared about here. 2. the smoking is up to your mom, and riding her about it now would probably be counter-productive - focus on the cancer treatment, the quitting will come if/when she's ready. 3. you are completely normal, not selfish. you sound better than I did when I got here, I was a train wreck. just keeping bring all your fears and questions here, you'll get so much support. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome Abra, hope we can be of some help. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchurchi Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Abra, Sorry you need us, but glad you found us. My husband was DX with small cell on Jan 10th 2005. the first few weeks after dx are just plain old crazy, but you will fall back into some sort of routine. Now for the smoking, my husband has continued to smoke a pack and a half a day ever since his dx. we did try the patches, gum and even acupuncture but Alan needs to "want" to quit and he honestly doesn't. I was so mad at him in the beginning, but I decided I was not going to spend the rest of our time together (no matter how long it may be) angry or nagging him about this. yes it crushes me everytime he lights up a cigerette as I know it has to "shorten" his time with me, but I love this man with all my being and I just want to enjoy every moment we have together, make as many memories as possible. As hard as it will be, the smoking has to be your mom's choice. Just continue to love her as you always have. I will pray for you and your mom. Try and stay strong and remember we are all here for you. Debbie Husband Alan DX small cell lung cancer Jan 10th 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome Abra, Not much to add to what was posted before. Give all positive support to your mother, do not reprimend her about her smoking it would be a step back in good relations between you, just wait and help all you can. Best to you both. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Abra,welcome to our support family.You will find many knowing and caring people here. There are also many here that have far exceeded the statistics.There is lots of good advice in the above posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome Abra, I'm glad you found us. The more we know about your mom's case, the more we can help. As an exsmoker, myself, I hope you realize nicotine is addictive and not easy to quit. Be patient with your mom and for you and for her don't be angry . I quit cold turkey over 2 and 1/2 years ago, but it has to be something a person feels very motivated to do. Whyquit.com helped me tremendously for information and support. Maybe there is something there to help her. Let us know how we can help you. You have found a group of very knowledgable and compassionate people. Looking forward to knowing you better. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome. I am glad you found this site. I hope she does well with whatever her treatment plan is. Hang in there. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midge Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Hang in there with your Mom, I agree with everybody elses replys, forget the statistics..help her with her treatment and move forward! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jang Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome Abra. Glad you found us. I can't really add anything to what you have already been told... this is a great site with a lot of good first hand information. Enjoy every minute with your Mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Welcome Abra, You've been given excellent advice and I just want to add my prayers for you and your mom. Blessings Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DevotedDaughter Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Hello Abra, Welcome...I don't have much to add to what has already been said, I agree with everyone that the smoking has to be something that she truely wants to do. This site is absolutely wonderful, full of wonderful people with a lot of knowledge and tremendous support. I have gone through the same emotions you have, my father was diagnosed with NSCLC and also smokes. I pray that he will beat the cancer and have enough strength to quit smoking, now too I will be praying for you and your mother..I wish you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 Hi Abra, As said before you have found in my opion the best website on the net for lung cancer support. Please join our family and let us help you through you're questions, emotions and journey. God Bless you all, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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